New here, insight needed (gaming related)

[duet]

Hi hi I'm new here, so a little intro.. I knew this guy online from a few years back through a program called paintchat (where you draw on a big canvas with other people) but we were just friends.. or maybe even acquaintances since I never talked to him outside of paintchat. Anyways, fast forward to now, we renewed contact and decided to see what it would be like if we became more than just friends (plus I'm older now, there is a 7 year difference in age and I was bit too young before). One of our shared interests is gaming, however we have different tastes in games.

I'm having a few issues here...
- I'm a fairly competitive person and when I play games that are somewhat competitive, people on my team automatically get turned into the "team mate" label regardless of their personal relationship with me. He likes Starcraft 2 more than me and thinks playing that game with me = spending time with me. I don't really see it the same way. Especially since often times we'll have 1-2 other people on our team.
- He games..... a LOT. Probably more than I am comfortable with. Weekends are really the only days I actually have time to spend with him, but those are days he.. dun dun dun has his 5 hour gaming marathons (takes a long break, then goes back to gaming) Part of me finds it strange because he is almost 30! I mean, I love gaming since it is my main hobby, but I'm having a difficult time justifying his behavior because it happens every weekend.
- He decided to be best friends with my online circle of gaming buddies (we go way back, around 7 years), and the more mannerisms of my friends he picks up, the more I see him as one of them aka just a friend. I don't mind him being friends with my friends, but does he really have to suddenly become best buddies with them?

Has anyone else run into issues like these before? >< Lately I've stopped playing his main game, Starcraft 2, because I just don't enjoy it that much... so it feels like we never really talk or do anything together anymore. I brought it up yesterday to which he replied "we can always draw or watch movies" since movies was something we did before... except I've watched the past 3 movies by myself since he's either busy playing or not interested in the movie! As for drawing he has talked about it for the past.. 3-4 days but has not actually drawn anything.

What should I do? I don't feel like confronting him because his favorite thing to do when we talk about anything conflicting or deep is change the subject (which really annoys me! I like to solve a problem through and through, not stop in the middle of it). -.-

Thanks ahead of time.

[noodle]

how old are you exactly if i may ask?

[LadyMarchHare]

It sounds like your guy has a bit of a gaming addiction. While it's good you guys have a shared interest, if that's the only way you're interacting then I'm not sure you can call it a relationship. That and he doesn't sound like much of a boyfriend if he's scooting in to your friend circles for more gamers and is picking up personality traits/gaming habits. Says a lot about his character right there.

Honestly? I would confront him about it. See how he'd feel about doing something else and not touching games together for a week and do something else completely.

[Zephii]

My guy and I also enjoy gaming, and he takes it to levels I don't always agree with, but limits himself out of respect for me, and for "couple time".

Really, all you can do is talk to him. And when he changes the subject, remain calm but firm. Make sure you have his 100% attention and tell him it's important enough to you that you're determined to find a happy compromise for both of you.

If you have concerns about how much he plays, say so (in a gentle, non aggressive, non demeaning manner) and ask him if he wouldn't rather do other things as well. I had this conversation with Obi more than once, and I'll be honest and say that it wasn't nice at all, but it is somewhat necessary to set some kinds of boundaries.

[paulawriteslove]

First and foremost welcome to the forum

My boyfriend loves to game as well! On Friday and Saturday nights he games till really early in the morning with his friends. The way I see it is, I would rather have him gaming than at a bar getting drunk. Even though gaming takes away time from our relationship, it's something I can deal with The best advice I have for you is to figure out a schedule when you two can talk and stuff. I hope this some what helps!

[SLLVÈR]

OK....here we go...... First Welcome! I don't post much. My SO does. And its fine for both of us...she does the LFAD and I game.... (This is all just from my point of view, so please, please don't take this in any way of a wrong way ))

1) 5 hours isn't very long at all. When I don't work, and don't have my kids, once i get my bills taken care, and chores done...I will long on to World of Warcraft. Another of Blizzards games. I have been in raids, which contain up to 40 people total, but on average about 10-25, that have last 5 hours by them self. Then have to take in that normally long into the game 30 minutes before it starts. Plus after its done others in our normal group of friends wants to know how it went, if we got anything from it, etc.... So, there's another 30-60 minutes.

2) Gaming says NOTHING about a person. Your talking to a guy who goes to work in a chemical plant. I work with operators who have looked at me when I asked where a leak was coming from and they said...."I dont have a clue. And there is more than one leak." Plus tattoos, and 2 kids.... If I didn't say I played you wouldn't know that I did.

3) Not gaming for a week??? For me...if that were to happen, my phone would go crazy with people calling and asking if everything was ok. They would be all over È's face book asking if i was ok. It is something that I do instead of say going out to a bar. It''s true! I don't go out to bars. I have been, since me and her have been together (over a year), to a bar twice. Plus, when I am gaming...she is there on Skype the whole time. The truly funny thing, while I'm gaming, she's working, AND asking me... "How is everyone doing? OH REALLY Lune did what??? What about Solivia, he still playing his horde?" Don't believe me? Ask her. It's something we both enjoy.

I don't know if this helps, hurts or what. But its just my 2 cents in the matter. See, I run a guild in WoW. And when i don't get on the phone rings off the hook. But also, they know about me and È. And when I tell them that I am spending time with her they leave us alone. Also, it is a main way we spend time together. Since she lives Australia and me in the states its an easy way and a fun way. We compete and also help each other in the game in it self. It's such a big help for our relationship that I make sure my entire guild plans our raids around her timing. So really, I hope that both you and your SO can find a way to make it work with or with out the gaming.

I know that when she comes to visit we have talked about gaming while she is here. She has told me that she doesn't expect me to stop. And she will be there beside me gaming as well. So from one gamer to another...I hope it honestly works out in the end. If you have any more questions that you want to ask about it, then gladly me and Èternity will help in what ever way we can.

-SLLVÈR