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Advice please! Trying to rebuild trust and emotional connection

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    Advice please! Trying to rebuild trust and emotional connection

    Hello All!

    My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for a few lonths and sadly we recently hit a very major roadblock. My boyfriend has been battling depression for a while....and it has recently gotten worse with our physical separation from one another. A few weeks ago, he hit a major depressive low. He would not respond to my texts and would it show any kind of emotional connection with me. He couldn't even respond when I told him I loved him...I felt so confused that one night I called him. I asked if he needed more space and what, exactly, was making him so depressed. He told me he didn't understand his feelings, but he feared that he was falling out of love with me. Naturally, this hurt me very much....I took some time to myself and called him again a few hours later. During our second phone call he was very apologetic. He told me that he still loved me, but that he was uncertain whether or not being in a relationship (especially a long distance one) was right for him given his depression. I understand his worries, but I love him very much. I don't want to lose him and I can truly see a future with him. I'm willing to fight through his depression and the distance separating us...but since this fight, I feel like I can't trust him as much as I used to. I find myself terrified every time he seems depressed and sometimes I even wonder whether or not his love for me is still there. I want to keep supporting him and I want to be his partner...but I also fear he doesn't have the strength to stick around if things get rough. Any advice for me would be greatly appreciated....especially in regards to how I can stay by his side given his fears and uncertainties.

    #2
    A one sided relationship is a set up for a resentment. Your post reads like he puts zero effort into the relationship and that it is all you. I suggest you assess what you want/need out of a relationship and if you are getting your needs met in the relationship.

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      #3
      Thank you for your reply! I wouldn't say that my boyfriend puts zero effort into our relationship...in fact, he normally tries very hard to make sure we are both happy. He always tries to provide for me and support me. I definitely don't think this is a one-sided relationship...it's moreso that sometimes he doesn't know if he is able to support me given his depression, and that is what scares me the most.

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        #4
        Originally posted by mjbf35018 View Post
        Thank you for your reply! I wouldn't say that my boyfriend puts zero effort into our relationship...in fact, he normally tries very hard to make sure we are both happy. He always tries to provide for me and support me. I definitely don't think this is a one-sided relationship...it's moreso that sometimes he doesn't know if he is able to support me given his depression, and that is what scares me the most.
        That is reason to worry because it seems like he is making excuses on why he cannot have a relationship w/you. My ex did that to me, towards the end of his visit, he made all these comments about not being able to travel to me, that maybe I needed a more established guy etc. He became very distant after the visit and I found out he no longer wanted a relationship w/me. That hurt because I would have rather he tell me right away instead of letting me figure it out through giving me the cold shoulder. If you truly love someone, you work through issues together. Keep an eye open and if the excuses keep pouring out, def rethink what is going on. If he lost feelings, you won't be able to get those back. Plus do you really want to be w/someone who changes their feelings for you on different days? You are just gonna put yourself through an emotional rollercoaster.

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