Will he come back?

[awills1]

I posted a thread not too long ago about my LDR and garnered a variety of responses, which did help a lot. This is where I'm currently sitting, and I miss him.. so much.
After I tried walking away, and he stopped me, I thought that we were doing well but then his actions weren't correlating with his words. His dad died on April 6th this year and on Tuesday August 22nd the conversation was as follows (after two days of no communication): For the purpose of this thread, my responses shall be 'A' and his will be 'B'.

A

I guess I'll make the first move and say good morning. Although, I have been thinking and I don't understand what's going on. You said that you were upset on Friday, and that you wanted to figure this out together and yet your actions aren't corresponding with that. This is exhausting.

B

To be honest I don't even know what's going on with myself. I didn't text anyone yesterday and I haven't today either. Not you, _____. my brothers, nobody. I just sat and cried the majority of both days. I had _____ asking to hang out and I didn't. I haven't felt like being in a relationship, I haven't felt like texting friends, and I haven't even wanted to watch sports. I've just wanted to be alone and cry and I haven't been able to stop thinking about dad. Idk why this is happening now but it feels way worse than it has. I know this isn't an excuse and I should be making more effort but I can't get myself to do anything. This isn't on you, it's on me. Mom thinks I'm just finally hitting the next stage of grief, idk

A

I've been thinking this for a long time. I'm not angry with you at all. I'm wondering whether this is one of those incredibly sad 'right person, wrong time' situations. I wish I could be there for you, but you need to take the time recovering from your dad passing away without having to worry about me, or how I am, or whether you're putting enough effort into this. Grief comes in many different stages and I agree with your mom that you're hitting the next stage. I'm sorry that you're having to go through this.

B

I fear she may be right as well. I'm always going to worry about you though. It's impossible not to think about you. It's just so hard without him, mostly because it all happened so unexpectedly. I know that I'm super lucky to have you and the friends and family I have. I hate letting go. I want so badly to hold on to everything. To you, every friend I have, etc. Then I realize that it's hard enough just to hold myself together.

A

Out of respect for you, your family and your dad I think that we do need to let go. This is the last thing I want but for now, at least, I think that it's wise and it's hurting me so much to say this because I like you more than you'll ever know but you need to recover and that's going to take time. If this is meant to be, which I do believe it is, then eventually we will be the right people at the right time. Souls find each other eventually.

B

This sucks so much but you may be right idk. Deep down I do think this is meant to be as well. I like you an unbelievable amount. Don't ever think that this is because I don't adore you to death. I hope it will eventually work and I'm sorry I'm such a mess at the moment. I'll continue to keep your letter by my bed and read it. I really do think you're the tight person for me I just have to get through all of this

A

I know, and that's why I'm doing this. I'm doing this for us. I trust in this and my gut feeling and I trust that my home is with you. I'm thankful that you've opened up to me and I know that with time you will recover. I think for now it's best that we don't get into a habit of talking because of your recovery, and I want to give you that space. I'll take comfort knowing that you have my letter by your bed and that someday I do believe that my heart will be in the right hands of a young man who I'm incredibly proud of and can see so much potential in.

B

Okay. I'll give this a shot and see how it goes. I like you so much <3

It's now been almost two weeks and I still find myself looking when he's been active on Facebook... checking my phone to see if I have a text. I just miss him so much but I know he has so much on his mind and that this was the right decision, but I can't help but lay here 4,000 miles away wondering whether he thinks about me at all. Or whether he'll come back to me. I feel like I'm in such a stand-still place right now and I'm trying to keep myself busy but I just want to be there for him. I want to text him. I want to call him and check that he's okay, but I can't.

Edit: I appreciate that no one is a mind reader. Believe me, if I could read his mind I would. I guess I should have named the thread 'I miss him' as opposed to 'will he come back?'. I'm seeking advice based on an outside perspective of the text messages exchanged (shown in quotes in this thread) because I just can't get my head around it.

[erwin1973]

Since none of us can read his mind or predict the future, we cannot honestly tell you if he will ever come back to you.
Stay strong and I hope it works out fine for you. If not, stay strong, take your time, and find someone new, may be better.

[Lune]

Hey =)

I read your other thread to understand your situation more. I think there is much going on on both sides. It is truly frustrating to write and get nothing back. Or making the first move again and again. Or get something back that is not what you would wish for. But he also says what could cause his actions, what is no excuse but an explanation. It's hard to know someone is going through much and doesn't let you in or do much about it. And depending on how someone deals with things like the death of a loved person, it can take weeks, months, years til they get it back together or come out of their mourning bubble or even depression they are in now. Sometimes that can be caused by a change in the life, people who get you out of the hole or a sudden waking up but if it goes too deep only therapy could help. It's different for everyone though.
And you have to see if you can be there and accept how something is now while staying together, trying to be there as much as possible and get something back someday again or you go the way you went with taking a distance because you cannot and want not go on like this and only a distance can help to get along with. What is okay, everyone has own limits. And the first phase after a decision is often the worst and most hurtful one.

To the opinion about the messages and what they contain:
It's only been a few months since the loss took place for him and if he has days where he only needs to be alone and doesn't do anything or contact anyone at all, I would not take that too personal. Because he might love you and sometimes people feel like just needing to be on their own though out of different reasons. And he sees that he is in that place now and also might be so deep in the pain that he is blind for everything else because it overshadows other things. Like also how much it hurts you when he does not write or call you or doing other things probably too instead of taking the second to write a message. He also says he doesn't want to loose anymore, that he wants to hold on and stands in his own way with his behavior. Maybe he just cannot figure out how to solve it yet. Sometimes it takes someone to take your hand and lead you out of it all like literally. And it's not your fault you cannot be around all the time because of the physical distance between you. You try to be, but also came to the point where you said for yourself you don't want it for now.

But I think you have to get clear about if you really want him to come back and if yes under which circumstances. If you came together in May it's all still fresh and facing such a lack of communication in these first months avoid what you long for and normally have there. He could not be ready for a relationship like this nor you til he deals with this struggles, but otherwise if you stay with him if he should come back but still is how he is now only then you can see if he will change with you by his side or not. Sure no one can read his thoughts or feels how he feels now so no one but him knows if he will come back.
From the strangers' point of view there could be things making him not coming back so soon or at all as well. What would be that you choose to leave so he wants to accept and respect that. And also that he has not the strength and mind to really fight for this now when he already says he has no energy to do something at all.

From your last lines it is clear that you cut the lines completely for now? That doesn't have to be if you both can take to be friends again what would give you the chance to be there for him and know what he does but lower the expectations that you have higher in a relationship. Even if it's hurtful, but it's a compromise.
Only you can decide whether you can and wanna keep up the cut and hope it'll get better or just write if you wanna know and get the line to him back again and see what you will get back.

I hope my words are helpful a bit for you and all the best for you