Finally!

[Reyhoney]

Now he’s back to ghosting me for a couple of days yet again. I’m pretty sure he is out at a party, he told me that one of those days he disappeared he was at a party and even talked to a girl, “just friendly”.

He’s been going out late and drinking a lot and it’s starting to worry me?

I’ve never mentioned his ghosting, I’ve never acted upset by it even though often I’m a little hurt. Should I be with someone who I’m constantly anxious about and don’t feel secure in what we have? I want to meet him, but I don’t want to always wonder why he’s not talking to me.

[erwin1973]

How can he know it hurts you, if you don't tell him? And only you can decided if you accept it or not. Further more I would like to advice you to work on your insecurities. You can't be happy with somebody if you're not happy with yourself. And you have to set your own boundaries. If he keeps overstepping them, that means he doesn't respect you enough. But if you don't tell him, he'll never know.

[Reyhoney]

How can he know it hurts you, if you don't tell him? And only you can decided if you accept it or not. Further more I would like to advice you to work on your insecurities. You can't be happy with somebody if you're not happy with yourself. And you have to set your own boundaries. If he keeps overstepping them, that means he doesn't respect you enough. But if you don't tell him, he'll never know.

I can’t really tell him to not go out or to constantly write me cause I don’t want to be controlling. He has never talked about us committing so in a way I feel like he doesn’t owe me anything and he’s just living his life. I don’t want to complain about him living his life.

[erwin1973]

That changes things... I thought you two were exclusive. I'm sorry then.

[Reyhoney]

How can he know it hurts you, if you don't tell him? And only you can decided if you accept it or not. Further more I would like to advice you to work on your insecurities. You can't be happy with somebody if you're not happy with yourself. And you have to set your own boundaries. If he keeps overstepping them, that means he doesn't respect you enough. But if you don't tell him, he'll never know.

That changes things... I thought you two were exclusive. I'm sorry then.

It has come up a few times and he’s never given a clear answer. He said this is a relationship but we can’t say gf/bf until we meet. He has told me there’s nobody else though? I don’t understand men sometimes.

[erwin1973]

I still don't like the generalization you make sometimes... Sorry about that, but just as all women are different, also all men are different.
Did you ask him to clarify? And although you can't control his life - you should not want - you could gently ask him to take your feelings a bit more into account.

[Reyhoney]

How can he know it hurts you, if you don't tell him? And only you can decided if you accept it or not. Further more I would like to advice you to work on your insecurities. You can't be happy with somebody if you're not happy with yourself. And you have to set your own boundaries. If he keeps overstepping them, that means he doesn't respect you enough. But if you don't tell him, he'll never know.

That changes things... I thought you two were exclusive. I'm sorry then.

I still don't like the generalization you make sometimes... Sorry about that, but just as all women are different, also all men are different.
Did you ask him to clarify? And although you can't control his life - you should not want - you could gently ask him to take your feelings a bit more into account.

Didn’t mean to generalize. Sorry, it’s late at night and I’m a bit tired and frustrated.

[erwin1973]

Didn’t mean to generalize. Sorry, it’s late at night and I’m a bit tired and frustrated.

It's okay. I'm not angry or so. Just giving you my thoughts. I understand you're frustrated.

[C.C.]

" I don’t understand men sometimes." is not a generalisation. Men and women's minds function differently and are harder to understand by the opposite sex usually. Doesn't mean anything.

By the way, I think you need to be straight with him and have a talk about where you two stand (unless you plan doing it when you two meet) and then bring this up as well, but not in a confrontative way. Just express that it makes you feel bad, you don't want to control him or anything but that you just want him to know how it makes you feel so that he could take it into account as well.

You'll have lots and lots of confusion if you don't communicate clearly and hide things and let them linger. You should be able to bring up your worries in a relationship! And if you never talk about anything, you'll never feel secure.

Security doesn't come on its own, it's built together.

[kittyxuchiha11]

It has come up a few times and he’s never given a clear answer. He said this is a relationship but we can’t say gf/bf until we meet. He has told me there’s nobody else though? I don’t understand men sometimes.

This sounds an awful lot like my SO and it was driving me crazy not knowing where i stood with her. To me, being in a relationship means being girlfriends and being totally committed, but i'm learning other people seem to have different thoughts on that one. I had a very hard time wrapping my head around that SO wanted to be with me yet didn't want to be my girlfriend yet, it just really confused me as every single past relationship i've been in as soon as we realised we liked each other and got into a relationship we were in fact girlfriends. She basically just said we needed to meet a few times and see how it goes before she was happy to be exclusive, but she did really like me and wanted to be in a relationship, and just yeah that was really confusing and i got pretty down about not knowing exactly where i stood with her.

Hopefully when you guys meeting will make you both feel better about this. Honestly your SO is probably just a bit scared of committing now and getting hurt, and him seeing that you two get on irl too will put him at ease. Best of luck to you :3

[erwin1973]

" I don’t understand men sometimes." is not a generalisation. Men and women's minds function differently and are harder to understand by the opposite sex usually. Doesn't mean anything.

I didn't look at it that way. I apologize.

[Onlineguy84]

I think if you have never met its difficult to get him to commit to the relationship yet. Me and my SO have agreed that after we met irl we will see what we want to do with it.
Maybe he is thinking the same and that is why he is not that committed right now, maybe he just dont want to invest much in something that might not work
I think you whould wait and meet him and if you 2 decide to go for a relationship express your feelings and what you need to make it work.

Im by no means any expert in this so dont take my word

[Reyhoney]

" I don’t understand men sometimes." is not a generalisation. Men and women's minds function differently and are harder to understand by the opposite sex usually. Doesn't mean anything.

By the way, I think you need to be straight with him and have a talk about where you two stand (unless you plan doing it when you two meet) and then bring this up as well, but not in a confrontative way. Just express that it makes you feel bad, you don't want to control him or anything but that you just want him to know how it makes you feel so that he could take it into account as well.

You'll have lots and lots of confusion if you don't communicate clearly and hide things and let them linger. You should be able to bring up your worries in a relationship! And if you never talk about anything, you'll never feel secure.

Security doesn't come on its own, it's built together.

Thank you C.C, I didn’t think I was generalizing either to be honest. If anything I was saying that I generally maybe don’t understand men! I think that’s a pretty good idea, to talk about it when we do meet so it’s more body language than just cold words on text or phone calls? Maybe if he genuinely sees my worries on my face he’d be able to relate.

[Reyhoney]

This sounds an awful lot like my SO and it was driving me crazy not knowing where i stood with her. To me, being in a relationship means being girlfriends and being totally committed, but i'm learning other people seem to have different thoughts on that one. I had a very hard time wrapping my head around that SO wanted to be with me yet didn't want to be my girlfriend yet, it just really confused me as every single past relationship i've been in as soon as we realised we liked each other and got into a relationship we were in fact girlfriends. She basically just said we needed to meet a few times and see how it goes before she was happy to be exclusive, but she did really like me and wanted to be in a relationship, and just yeah that was really confusing and i got pretty down about not knowing exactly where i stood with her.

Hopefully when you guys meeting will make you both feel better about this. Honestly your SO is probably just a bit scared of committing now and getting hurt, and him seeing that you two get on irl too will put him at ease. Best of luck to you :3

Thank you Kitty! And I’m just like you, in the past I was able to commit reasonably fast, I don’t see what I’m losing by committing, it’s not like being a couple means we are sworn to be together for life, but I guess he doesn’t want to miss out on adventures, or maybe someone better and closer? He said before that if he does meet someone in real life and they hit it off it could mean us ending things, but he said he doesn’t see it happening, but it makes me also fearful of committing to him!

Good luck to you and your gf too!

[Reyhoney]

I think if you have never met its difficult to get him to commit to the relationship yet. Me and my SO have agreed that after we met irl we will see what we want to do with it.
Maybe he is thinking the same and that is why he is not that committed right now, maybe he just dont want to invest much in something that might not work
I think you whould wait and meet him and if you 2 decide to go for a relationship express your feelings and what you need to make it work.

Im by no means any expert in this so dont take my word

Haha no that’s actually good advice! My logical side completely understands why he’s not committing, but I guess after months and months of talking I’m like, well what am I!? What is this? Are we friends? We sure don’t talk like friends.

The partying and ghosting and being the wingman is not really calming my fears down.