Is this a red flag?

[C.C.]

I definitely do, I just lost my dad in May in a pretty traumatic way and since then my anxiety has been so bad, I don’t want to get into gruesome details but I saw his body after and it has messed with me ever since. I had anxiety before that but it was no where near as bad. I just got on anxiety meds and I hope it helps. I really can’t help it, I wish I didn’t have to deal with that, but that’s my toll I guess.

Are you going through a therapy?

[Reyhoney]

Are you going through a therapy?

Yes I am, for a month now.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

So I’m meeting the guy I’ve been talking to for 6 months early November, we both haven’t booked tickets yet but been working on it. He’s been saying he’d tell his boss for a week now, still hasn’t.

I know his family and friends know of me, but he rarely discusses me with them cause “nothings happened yet.” so I asked him if he’s told them he’s coming to see me and he said no, or “not yet”. I said well won’t they wonder where you disappeared to for a week?

He said he’s just worried about what they’ll think or say thinking this isn’t real or serious and judge him or whatever, and then he said well even if we don’t get along worst case scenario it would be a vacation for me!

I understand that he’s already trying to cut his losses and think of worst case scenarios, but what if it’s more than this, and he’s just coming to see me thinking oh just a fun vacation time for me where I’d probably get laid?

Am I just overreacting?

Could be an overreaction, but since its all new, you are just being cautious. When my ex was planning to visit, he booked the tickets last minute and after everything that happened, I believe he never really wanted to come here to visit. See what happens, don't get your hopes up, but don't worry. If he doesn't come out, you will know he isn't super interested, after all work vacation needs to requested off early enough for the boss to get coverage.

[Reyhoney]

Could be an overreaction, but since its all new, you are just being cautious. When my ex was planning to visit, he booked the tickets last minute and after everything that happened, I believe he never really wanted to come here to visit. See what happens, don't get your hopes up, but don't worry. If he doesn't come out, you will know he isn't super interested, after all work vacation needs to requested off early enough for the boss to get coverage.

Thank you for understanding, I do want to be cautious, for my sake but also his sake. I want him to want to come and be sure he wants to himself, and not because I pressured him.

I also sort of need to know in advance cause I’m also traveling to see him, as we are meeting in a neutral city. I also have kids and I will need to make arrangements

He said his boss is still gone, but he will shoot him an email, he said. I will try to keep my hopes down as much as I can!

[Redheart14]

Aren't you meant to be meeting soon?

[Reyhoney]

Aren't you meant to be meeting soon?

Yea! He still hasn’t booked or talked to his boss, and today was asking if we should change dates we agreed on. I asked him if he was getting scared or getting cold feet and he said not at all, he said but I’ve a cold toe about what happens AFTER we meet, that if we hit it off like he thinks we will he wants to take this further but isn’t sure how.

I want to tell him let’s just take it a day at a time.

[C.C.]

Yes I am, for a month now.

That's a good thing! I'm sorry to hear about your father, btw

You are not at fault for being anxious or anything, you just need to focus on your therapy about it and try to resolve it with them :3 Best of luck!

[erwin1973]

Thank you for understanding, I do want to be cautious, for my sake but also his sake. I want him to want to come and be sure he wants to himself, and not because I pressured him.

I also sort of need to know in advance cause I’m also traveling to see him, as we are meeting in a neutral city. I also have kids and I will need to make arrangements

He said his boss is still gone, but he will shoot him an email, he said. I will try to keep my hopes down as much as I can!

There is a huge difference between being cautios and being paranoid. I think you are leaning towards the latter, sorry if I say so. You're not in a world match of chess playing against Garri Kasparov, who has to think 5 steps ahead of every move he mades, with all variables in that.

Just do what feels good, what your gut tells you. Don't loose your mind but please, for your own sake and his, stop being paranoid. And if you don't communicate, he'll never know. Just communicate. Don't blurt it out, but don't overthink a possible answer for two days. He has the right to an answer, and if you really do want to meet, you should be able to talk about it with him and not let him hang on for a week before you answer his questions.

Try to learn to be more self-concious, for your and his sake.

[C.C.]

for your own sake and his, stop being paranoid.

This just sounds insensitive after she explained why she is so.

[erwin1973]

This just sounds insensitive after she explained why she is so.

It wasn't meant as criticism.

[Rezie]

Could be an overreaction, but since its all new, you are just being cautious. When my ex was planning to visit, he booked the tickets last minute and after everything that happened, I believe he never really wanted to come here to visit. See what happens, don't get your hopes up, but don't worry. If he doesn't come out, you will know he isn't super interested, after all work vacation needs to requested off early enough for the boss to get coverage.

There is a point to this but we don't know any of this yet. First meetings are nerve wrecking and people are handling them differently. I just think that there is no point of worry about it until actual cancellation happens or you meet face to face. This is coming from someone who always prerpares for worst case scenario and over thinks everything. The vocation time depends so much on the boss. I could say to my boss "is it cool if I take next week off?" and she would just say yes. My partner has a boss that you have to wait till he is in th office. Make sure he is in a good mood. Casually mention you wanna take time off and then see how he takes it. If it seems positive then do the formal application right away cause he may change his mind in an hour.

[Reyhoney]

There is a huge difference between being cautios and being paranoid. I think you are leaning towards the latter, sorry if I say so. You're not in a world match of chess playing against Garri Kasparov, who has to think 5 steps ahead of every move he mades, with all variables in that.

Just do what feels good, what your gut tells you. Don't loose your mind but please, for your own sake and his, stop being paranoid. And if you don't communicate, he'll never know. Just communicate. Don't blurt it out, but don't overthink a possible answer for two days. He has the right to an answer, and if you really do want to meet, you should be able to talk about it with him and not let him hang on for a week before you answer his questions.

Try to learn to be more self-concious, for your and his sake.

I’m not sure you actually understand what I’m saying though. It’s okay I got other really good replies from others. Thanks.

[Reyhoney]

There is a point to this but we don't know any of this yet. First meetings are nerve wrecking and people are handling them differently. I just think that there is no point of worry about it until actual cancellation happens or you meet face to face. This is coming from someone who always prerpares for worst case scenario and over thinks everything. The vocation time depends so much on the boss. I could say to my boss "is it cool if I take next week off?" and she would just say yes. My partner has a boss that you have to wait till he is in th office. Make sure he is in a good mood. Casually mention you wanna take time off and then see how he takes it. If it seems positive then do the formal application right away cause he may change his mind in an hour.

I’m not really worried per se, but I want to plan for worst case scenario cause I hate losing all control over a situation. Also I’m not good at making last minute plans or decisions, I kind of need time to warm up to my decision, if you know what I mean?

We tried to meet last June but we both got scared and I don’t want this to happen again for neither of us.

Also the point of my thread isn’t really to express how scared I am, but more like sharing the process and steps that happen before a meeting. I stopped sharing with my bestfriend cause she has NOTHING good to say. She doesn’t approve of him and that hurts. She never approves of anyone I date.

[Reyhoney]

This just sounds insensitive after she explained why she is so.

Thank you C.C. I’m not sure how I came off paranoid. Having some questions or worries isn’t paranoia.

[Reyhoney]

Well it’s over. Maybe my gut feeling was right after all. He said he isn’t sure if there will be a future after even if we meet and doesn’t want to “hurt me”. I told him well then I’m not willing to take that risk.