So here's the deal. My boyfriend and I have been dating just over a year. We're eight hours apart and only have been able to see each other every 2-4 months. We're both single parents, and have jobs so communication is fit in between taking care of kids and working. Every other weekend, we both are child free and several months ago we established that as our "date nights". It's really the only time we are able to spend several hours talking uninterrupted. The problem is, it has not been uninterrupted. Since we agreed to the "date night" there has only been one or two nights that he hasn't interrupted our phone call to answer another call or respond to a text. All of these apparent "urgent" matters. It'll be his mom, or his ex, or one of his kids.And it's always a "So and so is calling can I click over for a second and I'll call right back". And then I don't get a call back for 20 min to an hour and half. And generally it's on the long end of that. Despite me explaining that it makes me feel like I'm not a priority and how important the quality time is it continues to happen. Last night he explained his daughter may call but that it would be quick and he'd call back. I didn't have a problem with that. But he didn't call back for an hour and a half, and then not even an apology. Since I was quiet he asked if I was mad, and I told him I wasn't mad but I felt like I was just scum to him. He hung up on me. There were a lot of dramatic texts afterwards and we talked briefly. He thinks my getting upset is an overreaction. He feels like I should understand he has a family that has to be taken care.
Here's the thing. I'm not asking him to neglect his family. I'm simply asking for a couple evenings of his time every other week. I feel like 10-15 minutes should be more then sufficient to deal with whatever, IF it's even necessary to deal with it right then anyways. Am I being unrealistic in my expectations?
When we are together, he barely even looks at his phone. We recently spend 3 days in the mountains with no phone service and it didn't seem to bother him. If we're out to dinner or doing an activity, he keeps his phone on silent and doesn't take it out of his pocket. But if I'm not with him physically, I feel like I go on the backburner. Every call or text is "urgent"and has to be dealt with right that second and then not even dealt with in a timely manner. I'm not sure how to move forward with this. Us discussing it doesn't seem to be helping at all. Am I being ridiculous? Or should I be setting some boundaries? Should I tell him if he continues to take other calls then I will be unavailable for the rest of the evening? Or give a limit of time?
Thanks for any thoughts or opinions
Here's the thing. I'm not asking him to neglect his family. I'm simply asking for a couple evenings of his time every other week. I feel like 10-15 minutes should be more then sufficient to deal with whatever, IF it's even necessary to deal with it right then anyways. Am I being unrealistic in my expectations?
When we are together, he barely even looks at his phone. We recently spend 3 days in the mountains with no phone service and it didn't seem to bother him. If we're out to dinner or doing an activity, he keeps his phone on silent and doesn't take it out of his pocket. But if I'm not with him physically, I feel like I go on the backburner. Every call or text is "urgent"and has to be dealt with right that second and then not even dealt with in a timely manner. I'm not sure how to move forward with this. Us discussing it doesn't seem to be helping at all. Am I being ridiculous? Or should I be setting some boundaries? Should I tell him if he continues to take other calls then I will be unavailable for the rest of the evening? Or give a limit of time?
Thanks for any thoughts or opinions
I really feel sorry for you, but I have no idea what to say more what I didn't say before.
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