Should I go or not?

[jskoh]

Hi everyone,

I (23) live around 6000km away from my SO (25). I met her while I went on a trip to her country during my holidays. I have been together with her for around 2months+ from now and I am facing an major issue now.

Some facts before I start:
I flew to her country once for her.
She flew to my country thrice for me (because she has a flexible work shedule and i’m in the army).
We just met and she flew back 3 days ago.
Our next scheduled meet up is one month from now in Japan.

A week from now I have a block leave that is given by the army for me to go wherever I want to and I think that it is a good chance to visit her because I hardly get chances like that and we can spend the new year together. I told my parents about it and they’re objecting it because they said that we just met so why do I have to go again. Just wait for the Japan trip.

I told my SO about it, she was really upset and disappointed because I cannot make decisions myself at my age and she told me that “no one is stopping you from buying the tickets and just because your parents said no and you wont be coming?”. She is willing to sacrifice and give up things for our relationship, go against what her parents say and continue to be with me. She said that she cannot accept the fact of being with someone that cannot even decide for himself. Now she has me blocked and I cant contact her in any way. I can understand why she thinks like that because she has been living independently for a couple of years already.

My SO is disappointed because she sacrifices for me, find time and flies over for me, willing to make changes to things for me and disappointed in me for not being able to do the same.

I really want to go but at the same time I want to respect my parents and I have to respect them because i’m staying in their home. I’m stuck in the middle and really lost now.

Should I buy the tickets and go without my parent’s consent? Should I stay in my own country and wait for the Japan trip (which will not happen by then because we probably will breakup)? Any advice on what I should do?

[erwin1973]

First of all welcome.
Second, I think it's a bit childish from her to block you over that.
Third, and most important, is that you are an adult. You can and have to make your own decisions. So weather your parents agree or not, you can go where and when you want.
But since she blocked you and you have no way whatsoever to contact her, would it be wise t go? If you like the country and have a place to stay, have the money to go on holiday in case your gf doesn't want to meet you, then I would suggest you go anyway.
I'm not sure if it is a good idea to go just for her. It might go very very well, but I think I leave that to the more experienced people here.
What I am curious about, is if you decided not to go and tell your gf because your parents don't want you to go. If that is the case, I can uderstand she is very disappointed. And she is somewhat right, too, because you're 23, so an adult, so you can and must make your own decisions, as I said before. And an LDR is making sacrifices (every relationship is).
Good luck.

[Rezie]

Firsts of all. It's ridiculos that you are listening to your parents. Sure they have an opinion but there is no validity for it. YOu just met so you need to visit more! That being said, she is over reacting and being childish. I'm assuming she is an adult and not 13 years old. Blocking someone is very childisha nd bordeline controlling baheviour. No you should not listen to your parents and no you shouldn't visit her unless she is willing to discuss and handle things like an adult.

[jskoh]

Firsts of all. It's ridiculos that you are listening to your parents. Sure they have an opinion but there is no validity for it. YOu just met so you need to visit more! That being said, she is over reacting and being childish. I'm assuming she is an adult and not 13 years old. Blocking someone is very childisha nd bordeline controlling baheviour. No you should not listen to your parents and no you shouldn't visit her unless she is willing to discuss and handle things like an adult.

Hi Rezie. I think that it is about time I grow up and make my own decisions. I have decided to go, not sure if my parents will be mad or what but I'll deal with it when I'm back. This is the second time that she blocked me off.. Should I leave her a text asking her to contact me urgently then tell her that we'll be meeting soon? Or should I try to talk things out with her before letting her know that I'll be going over (Not sure if this will work as she might just initiate a break up)?

Thank you for your reply too. I really appreciate it.

[jskoh]

First of all welcome.
Second, I think it's a bit childish from her to block you over that.
Third, and most important, is that you are an adult. You can and have to make your own decisions. So weather your parents agree or not, you can go where and when you want.
But since she blocked you and you have no way whatsoever to contact her, would it be wise t go? If you like the country and have a place to stay, have the money to go on holiday in case your gf doesn't want to meet you, then I would suggest you go anyway.
I'm not sure if it is a good idea to go just for her. It might go very very well, but I think I leave that to the more experienced people here.
What I am curious about, is if you decided not to go and tell your gf because your parents don't want you to go. If that is the case, I can uderstand she is very disappointed. And she is somewhat right, too, because you're 23, so an adult, so you can and must make your own decisions, as I said before. And an LDR is making sacrifices (every relationship is).
Good luck.

Hi there,
I really dislike the blocking part as well.. I'm still not getting any response from her. Thank you for your advice. I want to go but my parents are stopping me which is true and that is what I told her as well. Anyway, I have decided to let my parents know that I'm going regardless of what they say. I really appreciate your reply, thank you very much.

[erwin1973]

So, it is the second time she blocks you? And she's 25? So if you do something she doesn't like, she'll block you, right? How do you think things will go in real life if you do something she doesn't like? Will she run, leave you? Do you think that's healthy?

I think you do best to respect her choice now and leave her where she is. Get over her and find someone else.

[jskoh]

So, it is the second time she blocks you? And she's 25? So if you do something she doesn't like, she'll block you, right? How do you think things will go in real life if you do something she doesn't like? Will she run, leave you? Do you think that's healthy?

I think you do best to respect her choice now and leave her where she is. Get over her and find someone else.

Yep, it is her second time already. I agree that it isn't healthy but we have met a couple of times and we dont have much issues when we are together. I went to my parents earlier today and told them that I have made my decision that I'm flying over and I have thought through it before making my decision. Now that I have decided to go against my parents and go, I have tried contacting her in many different ways and I told her that I have made an important decision and asked her to contact me so that I can tell her about it. I know that she have seen my messages but she isn't replying or contacting me.

Is it time for me to give up?

[Rezie]

good that you are standing up to your parents. it's good for you. she in the other than is not worth your time. anyone over that age of 13 who bloke their boyfriend when they disagree is not worth it. not even if things work out when you are physically together.