In a new LDR relationship, would love to make friends

[Asaltavoosi]

Hello!
I am currently in a LDR with my bf who lives in the UK and I live in Stockholm. We have met for the first time this weekend and spent a few days in Paris and now We’re going back home. I feel miserable about leaving him, and I would love to talk to someone or some people that are in the same situation since I’ve never done anything like this before and I feel so alone. So if you feel up for it, I’d love to chat with some of you guys and see how you experience and deal with your LDR...

[Kerry92]

Hello
Firstly congradulations on your LDR :-) We here are all in a similar situation to yourself and this is the best place for advice and experience. The community here is amazing for encouragement and help :-)

I like you are new to this whole LDR thing too so I understand how you feel. I myself am from the UK and my SO is from America and when we had our first visit all I did apon leaving him was cry. I cried at the airport, on the plane home and even after I got home. I like to say it gets better and it does but you will have good days and bad days as these are all part of coping in an LDR.

It can be so hard to part from your SO and everyone deals with it differently but know that you are not alone in this. Reading through some of the threads on this forum on how some people cope and have successfully closed the distance may help you.

Stay strong and best of luck to you!

[Asaltavoosi]

Thank you! We’ve known each other for six months and up until meeting this weekend I had no idea how much he meant to me and now sitting here at the airport, watching him leave to his terminal, it’s all so painful. I know this isn’t a goodbye, and I know I’ll see him again but it all feels so bad. Do you have any tips on how to move on after this, how to just jump back into normal living?

[Kerry92]

You are most welcome

Yeah i was the same with my boyfriend our first meeting was 6-7 months in and all I could do the whole trip was panic lol. I went through every emotion possible from excitement to fear but when we finally met in person he just totally blew everything out the water for me and I fell in love with him all over again. I completely understand how you feel about him leaving it can be the most hardest thing ever watching the person you have spent such precious time with leave but like you say yourself this isn't a goodbye forever its more of a see you soon situation. Try not to linger on what isn't there and focus more on the good and happy times you guys did have and the many more you will have in future visits.
As for jumping back into normal life....I still don't think i have fully yet. In my own experience when I came home from my visit I felt very detached from everything, work,friends and family it just felt like there was a massive chunk missing from my life. Its easy to encompass you life around your SO which can seem good at the time but later will lead to problems and abject feelings. My advice to you is the advice I was given from this forum..

Stay busy! It will take time and baby steps but gradually you will return to the ebb and flow of your everyday life. It will be hard and you will have good and bad days but that is unfortunately the price we pay in an LDR. Spend more time with family and friends (if optional) take up a new physically or mentally challenging hobby. Gain more experience as a single entity so you can add those skills and new achievements to your relationship and grow to be the best you can be so your relationship will grow and flourish with you.
Communications is king in any relationship but more so in an LDR. Don't feel ashamed to admit to your SO when times are getting tough. For me when the distance gets too much I tell my boyfriend and just hearing his voice and reassurance that it wont be long till we are together again helps a lot. If you have anyone who is a good listener vent away to them getting things off your chest can be a great coping strategy.

Anyways i seem to have strayed a bit from the topic I apologise, again my advice to you would be honestly don't panic what you are feeling is totally normal we have all been through and some are still going through it. Just keep busy and active and communicate as often as you can with your SO. do things together like watch a movie or play a game together its the small things that really have the biggest impact. One thing that worked for us was planning the next trip and the activities
we plan to do together maybe this may help as it gives a date to count down and look forward to just a suggestion.

Just know that you are not alone in this, we are all here for the same reason and we have been through or are going through the same situations.
Stay strong and be proud of yourself!

(I hope all my rambling helps)

[Lyssa]

Hi!

I'm so happy for you that you were able to meet him and spend some time with him. I bet every day was a new, amazing memory. ❤

The airport part is always the hardest, most painful part. I had to separate with my S/O on January 6, so it's been a little over a month, and sometimes my mind goes back to our last hug. It's painful. And even over a month later, it still gets at my heart. But the best part about being in an LDR is that you get to be a team And you and your SO should really be a team about this.

Just like Kerry92 stated up above, you are going to have good and bad days. Some days are going to feel easier and some days are going to be a little harder and lonelier. But you don't have to be alone or feel alone just because you aren't physically together.

Don't be afraid to tell him that you miss him. If you miss him every day, tell him that. You should never bottle up what's inside. That's going to lead to more sadness and maybe some resentment.

But there are plenty of fun ways to get back to living and ways that you can incorporate him into it! Actually, I posted a video under the thread "Our Story In A Video" on here and I talk about all of the things that I do with my SO that helps us get through the pain. You should check it out and try some of the tips out yourself!

I hope this helped, even a little!

[Asaltavoosi]

Thank you both for your replies!
It means the world to get some other insight in the situation since this is all very new to me, and it feels better to know I'm not completely alone. We spoke today and everything is still as it was before, even though we both are aware of the fact that we aren't together anymore, and that feels better. Although I am still sad over the fact that just 24 hours ago we were together and today I feel all emotionally drained. But the fact that we both seem to feel the same and that nothing has changed, feels very reassuring. The fear I have now is that the pressure of the distance will be too much for him and that he'll break it off, I just really hope we'll be okay, but then again that might be me overthinking. Thanks yet again for your insights and making me feel better!

[Amaris]

Hello!

And welcome to the forum. I hope you will be feeling welcome around here and that you're feeling like you can share things when you need to vent.
We are quite active on a lfad discord server too.
https://discord.gg/AgxKqc
That's an invite and you can always chat with us there if you'd like.

[Asaltavoosi]

Thank you, that seems like exactly what I need, someone to chat to! So I wlll definitely look that up!

[Michelle]

Welcome to LFAD! Congrats on your new relationship and meeting for the first time. . Early on I think it is really important to share what each of you expect for communication frequency, and now, that you have had your first visit, how often you hope to see one another. Now is a good time since things have gotten a little more serious now that you have met and your feelings for each other have been confirmed and are stronger than ever.

*Just a note about the discord chat. It is member created and not monitored or run by LFAD.

[C.C.]

Welcome!

It took me at least two days not to feel miserable anymore after the last visit (we met more than a month ago) and it took us a week to go back to normal. But you will get used to being apart and since then we have been even better than before the meetup too! :3