Issue with my boyfriend

[Shika]

Hello all !

Finally, it's time to post my first thread ...
My boyfriend and I have been together since the end of June; we spent a lot of time together during Summer and, since then, we met each holidays for a week at his house. He's come to mine yesterday for the first time, but we had quite a discussion before sleeping ... In fact, since New Year, when we got back home, it's been quite awkard chatting together. We almost didn't, which dimoralized me ... He told me tonight that it was 'cause, speaking to me virtually just kept remembering him how we were apart, and that he couldn't stand it ... So, we decided to take a decision within the incoming days, but I'm not sure whatta do ...

The fact is : I really don't wanna break up with him, but we can't meet more often than we already do (10h to go to the other's hometown, and it costs a lot..). Though it can't continue as it was between holidays (it was a bit like that already before Christmas but, since it was only the first time, we thought it could come back to the way it was before ♥) He offered me a "mutually agreed break up", if we don't find any other solutions in a few days ... I know it could be an outcome, but ... I'm not sure I could let him go ... since I know it's almost impossible for us to get back together after that : while I'm pretty busy with preparatory school, he's not that much, and is quite the outgoing type, so ...

Please, do any of you have advices or whatever ? I'm quite in a urge, I know but .. I'd really like tpo make it work .....

[erwin1973]

Hi and welcome.

I'm sorry to hear he wants to back off from your relationship. There can be multiple reasons for that, but from what I read is that he just is bothered by the distance. Not everyone is capable of doing an LDR, maybe he is one of them.

It is very hard, I know, to see the one you love backing off. Sadly, if he really doesn't want any more, you can do nothing. It takes two to work on a relationship, and not one. I don't say it's hopeless, but since he suggested the break up, I guess he is ready for that, no matter how hard that is for you. That means you'll have to let him go. You can't do the work for the two of you, because you can't make him stay (unless you lock him up in a cellar, of course, but I would strongly advice against that).

You could talk about it with him again, find out if it is only the distance. Remember that the distance can be closed and you're lucky that you have been able to meet so often. There are people who are already 2 or even 3 years in an LDR and still are nevermets.

I have no idea what the physical distance is between the two of you, or where you live (oh, I hate incomplete profiles...) but even then if he wants to work on it, there is a way. That brings be back to what I said earlier: you both have to work on it - you can't keep him if he really wants to go, no matter how much that hurts you.

I hope for the best for you. Good luck.

[Shika]

Thanks ~ well, it seems to be the only reason, yeah. He may be one of them ...

You're pretty right, in fact ... it's just hard to accept ahah ! ^^'
We know it can be closed but not within the two next years for us ... (studies and we're only 18) I know we're lucky for that, it's just that it wasn't enough, it seems.

In fact, we're only 5hours far with a car, but since he works part-time on weekends and such, it's not possible, and we can only meet with the train, which is between 8 or 10h ! Anyway, thankyu very much for your message ... though it's hard to read, I should work on to accept the fact he's backing off from me ^^'

[Lune]

Hey there

It's always sad to read when something goes apart. In your case though it seems like some kind of this post meeting blues that you can read about here in many threads, where it is not so nice to deal with meeting and finally being physically around each other and having to let it go for a while again. The thing is, what is harder in comparison, being able to meet every few months at least or never at all again probably when breaking up. You have to see where you stand and how your feelings are developed yet. How do you get along when being around each other?
Before giving up too quick I would try to work it out, to see if it is really so unbearable when you can look forward to some vacations together at least again. Of course you are still young and it is not easy, yet it is not impossible either. Only you can know what it will become, if he only wants to break up because of the distance when everything else is fine, he can maybe make up his mind again and you can work on the communication, because a bit every day is at least better than none at all. A relationship goes through many hard times sometimes but if both want it you can figure it.

All the best,

[Shika]

Hey Lune,

Well, I'm sorry there is more, I admit I didn't check that much, since I was in a rush ... It's probably too late now, he left yesterday morning instead of Monday, but to answer you, he also thinks the time we're together is worth ... but that is precisely what makes him not stand us being apart (I confess I didn't exactly understand why ... a bit strange but, well).
He told me he's sorry he was't strong enough, and kept saying he was weak ... so not ready to give it a try, ahah ^^' anyway, thanks for reading and trying to help me, I'm glad people tried to understand, as I discovered that, in fact, the decision was already taken ~ so, thanks ♥

[erwin1973]

Stay strong. Take time for yourself to find yourself back. Be happy with your life and find someone new then. Good luck. Sorry to hear that he already took his decision.