Hello LDR community,
I feel I may have messed up.
My mum has a very one sided negative opinion of men. Mainly because she's been cheated on and used. And ever since I can remember she has preached her philosophy on men to me. This has influenced many of my relationship choices. Mainly by avoiding them. By avoiding men because as my mother says "they will use me."
Now as I've grown up I have learnt that not ALL men are like this. My SO being one of them.
We have started planning our first meeting which will be in just short of 3 months away. I am going to see him in his home town. We have been talking for over a year and I am confident he is who he is.
My mum has started to voice her doubts. That my SO is using me, that he might not be who he said he is, that he might be playing games. She expressed this in a message and I wrote back a very long reply asking her, and I'm paraphrasing now, to keep out of my business. Which I feel may not have been the best response.
What she said upset me. I was deeply hurt that I did not have the support of my mother in this very nerve wracking time. I have told her about my SO and she seemed positive, happy for me. But as our intended meet date is looming she is questioning my SO intentions.
Because I was upset, I told my SO what my mum had said. I told him how it upset me.
Now after a couple days I asked a simple question about some details of our meeting. After some talking, it seems that my mums words have made him very insecure. He is very family orientated and it upsets him that my mum has expressed her concerns in this way. I told him to take no notice of my mum, I told him why she said what she said. But he still feels hurt.
I just don't know what to do. Should I tell him to take no notice of my mum? Or should I be approaching my mum and assuring her of my SO good intentions. Or both?
I'd appreciate any advice! Sorry for the long post.
I feel I may have messed up.
My mum has a very one sided negative opinion of men. Mainly because she's been cheated on and used. And ever since I can remember she has preached her philosophy on men to me. This has influenced many of my relationship choices. Mainly by avoiding them. By avoiding men because as my mother says "they will use me."
Now as I've grown up I have learnt that not ALL men are like this. My SO being one of them.
We have started planning our first meeting which will be in just short of 3 months away. I am going to see him in his home town. We have been talking for over a year and I am confident he is who he is.
My mum has started to voice her doubts. That my SO is using me, that he might not be who he said he is, that he might be playing games. She expressed this in a message and I wrote back a very long reply asking her, and I'm paraphrasing now, to keep out of my business. Which I feel may not have been the best response.
What she said upset me. I was deeply hurt that I did not have the support of my mother in this very nerve wracking time. I have told her about my SO and she seemed positive, happy for me. But as our intended meet date is looming she is questioning my SO intentions.
Because I was upset, I told my SO what my mum had said. I told him how it upset me.
Now after a couple days I asked a simple question about some details of our meeting. After some talking, it seems that my mums words have made him very insecure. He is very family orientated and it upsets him that my mum has expressed her concerns in this way. I told him to take no notice of my mum, I told him why she said what she said. But he still feels hurt.
I just don't know what to do. Should I tell him to take no notice of my mum? Or should I be approaching my mum and assuring her of my SO good intentions. Or both?
I'd appreciate any advice! Sorry for the long post.
I've since had a chat with my SO about what my mum said. And I have tried to console him. Because as with your husband he is also very hurt. I think I have got through too him and he is trying not to take what she said so seriously. I still need to have a little chat with my mum but now I have a better understanding of my SO feelings I can better communicate with her. Thanks for taking the time to reply! Much appreciated!
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