In bit of a pickle engaged

[Rain]

Hello, l'm in bit of a pickle. I have been with my SO for a little over nine months. My family knows about my SO but haven't met them but my mother has talked to them a little bit. My knows most about my SO then the rest of my family. My SO is transgender mtf and can't work because of mental disorders. She has depression, anxiety and ocd (thoughts ). The rest of my family doesn't know that she's a transgrender, she still is pre op. The only people that know is transgender is me, her mom and mine mom. She lives in the bible belt part of the usa. And I am pansexual

We have been in engage for almost a month. But we haven't told anybody yet but her mom bit have a bit of idea. I know my SO is going to told her mom went she gets her ring. I just don't know how to tell my family without them freaking out. That we got engage so soon. They did have a little bit of an issue of me traveling by myself to visit my SO for the first time. We have only met once In person and that's when we got in engaged.
Also the plan is for me to move down there to my SO. Hopefully before winter of this year. Also my mom has some an of me moving but not when. Also the rest of my family doesn't know about me moving.

Just don't know how to don't them about every thing about everything and them freakingout.

My mom did think the relationship was a bit of unhealthyat the beginning because of all my SO mental disorders and I ca be emotional and keep my emotions bottled up till I cry.

I am over the moon to be engaged to my SO and love her every much.

How anybody been in this situation or maybe any advice of a noob? Thanks.

[kittyo9]

You do not have to tell your family that you are engaged until you're ready. In fact, you don't have to tell them at all if you are afraid that they will react poorly. You are allowed to live your life in peace without interference from others. If you still decide that you want to tell your family, you must emotionally prepare yourself for any negative reactions and remind yourself (and your family) that this is your decision. We cannot control the way others respond to us, only how we respond to them.

That said, I understand your mom's concern. My sister has had relationships with several individuals with varying mental illnesses, some more severe than others, and that has led to some abusive situations and very, very bad breakups due to emotional instability. I would also agree that it is very soon to get engaged, as you've only met once and it hasn't even been a year that you've been together. For this reason, you might choose to wait a few months or until after you see your SO again to tell your family.

A few questions for you to think about:

- You have only met once. Do you have plans to meet again before closing the distance?
- How are you going to close the distance? If you are not in the US but your SO is, what visa route will you follow to close the distance? Spousal sponsorship requires your SO to exceed a certain income level in order to bring you to the US on a permanent basis.
- Where will you live when you close the distance? Who would you live with, and how would you afford to do so?
- Are you comfortable being the only one working? Disability payment in the US doesn't cover very much.

[Rain]

Sorry for the late reply but thank you for your reply. She has told some of her family and they seem alright with it. We are both in the US and the plan is for me to move to her area. Probably rent and I am comfortable being the only one working. It probably be hard at times but we will manager. She has talk about maybe being self employ.