Back to distance, doubts and not sure what to do

[Littlewhiteflower]

I would have reacted the same. I already found my SO on a dating website (it was before we were official though and it never happened again once we were official). If it happened again today, i would see it as a sign that he wants to break up but doesn't have the guts to do it. I would be careful if i was you. The dating website might be a mistake, but it is a very bad mistake. If you can go pass it, then great. But this might be a sign that it is over in his head. He can say he wants to move, but actions are worth more than words. If he never does it, is it really true?

[LisaS]

What he did was not cool. He should not be putting himself in situations where it would be easy for someone to message him or vice versa. But if he just created a fake profile (without a photo or info) just to browse, then that might be more forgivable. I would suggest having more conversations with him until you feel better, especially since you were having doubts before this even happened. I hope he realizes after browsing the website that you’re the best one for him. That’s good that he’s willing to relocating to you but why would he prefer that you relocate to him first? If he’s serious about relocating, can he really do it by March?

[Rezie]

It so definitely more than not cool. And he really got a piece of my mind. For his defence (which he doesn't deserve) was that that he didnt have a picture and details like his age, education etc. Had false info. The thing is that I understand his reasoning. When I've felt insecure about our relationship I've checked out people. It gives comfort knowing that you won't necessarily be alone for the rest of your life (sounds more dramatic than I mean, but I'm sure you catch my drift. The loveliness of insecurities) But the actually creating a profile was the line that was crossed. According to him it was not about finding someone better, but seeing if there is anyone if I leave him. Since he was certain I'd leave him after I moved. So no, this is not ok but when we talked about it it turned from a total deal breaker into you're a jerk thing. He pointed out the irony of how something that he was terrified of happening might now actually be coming true just because he was scared of it happening.

His reasoning for me to move there first is that then he has time to save money, pay all his debt and work while getting a degree that would help him find a job here. Also the pay is better there so according to his calculations we could both save enough to pay our student loans and save enough for a down payment. He could relocate by March. But then he would need to get student loan in addition to his exciting loans (nothing irresponsible) and he would only have an income from renting his property. He actually sent a suggestion yesterday for a timeline that made sense. Showing initiative. We agreed that I'll think about all the options and then we talk about it when we meet next. I'll just need to figure out what I want.

[LisaS]

Well if the profile had false information, that makes things a little better but it’s still a jerk move! Hopefully he’s learned from his mistake so that you both can move past it.

As for who will be relocating, only you two know the specifics of your situation (financial, career, family, etc) and what would work best. Hope you start to feel better as you’re planning. Keep us updated!