Are long distance relationships honestly worth it?

[diustav]

Hey, new to this forum.

So there's this girl in China I've been talking to and we've just decided to start a long distance relationship. I'd be able to visit her around 3 times a year for a total of 4-6 weeks spent with her the whole year. After 2 years, I'd graduate college and she'd start the process of immigrating to America to be with me permanently.

It all sounds good on paper, but I can't decide if this is actually worth it or not. The airplane tickets alone will cost me an extra 2000$ or so and the immigration process is a very long, difficult and confusing process from everything I'm reading about it. While I think she's an amazing girl, I just don't know if I can go through with this or not. It all feels so overwhelming and while I do want to be with her in the long term, I just don't know if I can make the necessary sacrifices to make that happen. The fact that I'm even considering doing it for her should speak volumes to her character and what an incredible person she is from what I've seen of her so far.

Anybody have any words of encouragement/advice? Don't have anybody else to talk to about this at the moment.

[Rezie]

LDR is like any other relationship. There are several factors that determine if it is worth it. It just needs more money, patience and communication. It is worth it if the person is right for you and you get what you want from the relationship. It's not worth it if you don't get what you want.

You are in a good position in a way that you have a plan. Coming up with an agreement on closing the distance is half the battle. It also depends on how your doubts make you feel. Are they normal excited nervous doubts or more like anxiety can't breath doubts? Is there an option of trying an LDR and see how you feel? Just because you go for an LDR you are not forced to stay. Like with other relationships, sometimes it doesn't work out.

[diustav]

I think it's mostly scary to me because it's so new and bizarre to me. I don't know anybody who's done this kind of thing before and the idea of it absolutely baffles my parents. The anxiety I have is mostly because our future is so uncertain and the further ahead I think the weirder it gets to me. The actual long distance part of our relationship would be relatively short admittedly, which is a comforting thought. At the same time, I want to commit to her and give her the best relationship I can and I do think it's worth it for her.

The conclusion I've sort of come to is that I just need to learn to take it slower and not get freaked out thinking about the future. Since you apparently did LDR for 5 years, what's your best advice for dealing with the kind of fear that I have? And for maintaining the relationship in general?

[Crush001]

Worth it? well I guess that depends on the compromise you guys have, I think it applies to all kinds of relationship, but LDR requires more effort, so you can only decide if it's worth it. It can be the best thing in your life or another couple of years dropped in the trash can, it all depends on you both.

[Rezie]

My advice is to think about LDR as a relationship, not specifically as a long distance relationship. In the beginning of any relationship there is unceranty. That's why people date to see if this is the person for them.

There also comes a time in a relationship when you have to establish if this is it. In LDR it is the decision to move. I'm following an other forum that has tons of people unsure of what to do since their partner doesn't want marriage (close distance). That is their time to decide if this is it. So no matter in the relationship it requires decisions.

Me and my bf made a mistake that we didn't make a plan to close the distance until it was too late. We are still working on fixing the damage it caused. So my advice always is to make a plan that you work towards. In your case your biggest problems will be the visa. But if you have just started the relationship then you don't need to worry about it yet.

I'm not really sure what your fear is? It doesn't work out? That's ok. You have had some great experiences and gotten to travel. New? Yeah, new things are scary. Once you get used to it, it is less scary. Bizarre? There are 15 million people in an LDR in the USA. People don't understand? Ignore them. I didn't talk to people about my LDR cause they didn't understand or just annoyed me. Uncertain future? Everyone in the beginning of a relationship is uncertain of their relationship. But you already have a plan so that is great and you can visit each other. You are still in the getting to know phase so there is no need to make dominate plans and stick to those plans. Also once you start an LDR it doesn't mean it has to last forever. Closing the distance is totally another thing that won't be easy. But take one step at the time. I'm a chronic over thinker, but you just started the relationship. Put the anxiety on the back of your mind.

[diustav]

I really appreciate all of your advice, it's helped me a lot. Me and my girlfriend talked it out and I feel better now. Going through the process of getting a passport and a Chinese visa now so hopefully that goes great and I feel a lot more optimistic for the future.