Does anyone else get resentment for always traveling to see your SO?

[Holly09]

Hi Everyone,

It is one of those days where I just have to say it. It sometimes really irritates me how much back and forth traveling that comes along with a long distance relationship. In the last year I have used up every vacation day plus some unpaid days for my boyfriend. I have not had a paid holiday off in which wasn't being used to see him.

Granted due to his work he is limited on when he can travel but he has triple the vacation time and also won't visit if I am working even though I have visited him when he has had to work a few days. Sometimes I can't help but get a little resentful. And don't get me wrong he is a great guy and does a ton of little things to be sweet to me. It just gets old always having to be the first one to travel. Anyone else sometimes feel like this or am i just being a brat?

And if ya do, how do you handle it?

[Rezie]

It's ok to feel annoyed. It's ok to have one off those days. Would it help if he covered some of the cost of you traveling? Does he use his vocation days for his own holidays? Is your work a type of work that if he visits they you'd have the evenings free? It is a bit unfair if he doesn't visit unless you are off. It's annoying to spend the days alone, but it's also fun to explore and have dinner together. Have you talked about this?

[LisaS]

This is totally me and I totally get it! My job is more flexible in taking time off unpaid but my bf has 3 months in the summers off so I end up doing most of the traveling throughout the year. We’ve been doing long distance for 4 years and a couple things have helped: 1) I started picking flights times that weren’t so early or late at night. I used to only pick the cheapest flights but I’ve found that it helps to pay a little more to not be miserable getting up at 4am in the cold for a flight lol! 2) I’ve started asking him to help pay for my flights. At the beginning I tried to split it 50/50 but after a couple years, he’s starting paying for almost all my flights since I was the one who had to take time off all the time 3) about a year ago, I got so tired of it that I vented to him and now he tries more to travel to me more when he can. Good luck to you, when I read your post, I thought this is totally me at the beginning of my LDR!!

[autumn1790]

I've definitely been here, as well. I used to make the five hour drive each direction a couple times a month, and it got frustrating when he rarely reciprocated. However, I don't really have those feelings anymore. It helped that I vented (rather rudely--not recommending that part ) to him about that frustration, as he's been more conscious about putting in more effort. I also lost that car, so we both have to deal with trying to make mass transit work on a college budget. Time together is the goal, the rest is superfluous.