Met him in a game and we'll never meet.

[Layla_rose]

Let me start out by saying: I am a gamer. I play World of Warcraft and have been an active member of the WoW community for around 10 years.

In July I went through a breakup. One of my friends from game stepped up. Emotionally we were very connected, I felt an instant draw to him but neither one of us wanted a long distance relationship. Neither of us can move. I feel absolutely dumb for telling anyone this, I KNOW how stupid it is.. but I can't figure this out. I can't figure out where my head is with this and I'm reaching out to anyone at all that can relate. I feel a draw to a guy I know I'll probably never even meet and who I've fallen for in a way I've never done before. I barely know him.

I found myself in a relationship/not really relationship with this guy. At first he was very attentive, we talked all the time - “Off game”, using texts. In game as well, and on voice chats. We kept tethers on each other, making sure we each knew the other's lives. This was all done with the knowledge that we'd never move into real life and were there as emotional support until one or the other found a “real” relationship. We agreed that as far as our online community was concerned we wanted to be seen as “together” and committed to each other in that sense.

Since then, things have been very strange. He behaves strangely: very involved and in touch one minute then with the flip of a switch distant and evasive. My head tells me “what's the point. You'll never meet”. I find myself waiting for him, blocking out time when I can spend it with him, when he may be around. I'm anxious and always wondering if other girls he talks to are told the same thing. I guess something in my head is screaming that things are wrong.. but I can't pull away. I talk myself into pulling away and then all he has to do is say “Hi love”.

People say “it's online, who cares?” but the connection I formed with him is real in some sense and it's that connection I can't bring myself to let go of. I want to know who he is, I want to figure this out and I don't know how to grasp the knowledge that I never will.

Have you ever had someone you feel a connection to but know you can never really be with? Is there anyone out there who might be able to relate? I have nobody to talk to about the things he does, the feelings and emotions driven by him. I'm on a long distance relationship forum in the hopes that someone, somewhere, can help me get my head right regarding this. There are so many more details, but I'm unsure how to articulate them and don't want this to be too long.

[Amaris]

Hello!

How are you so sure it won't become anything? Or is it just that you don't want to be in a long distance relationship?
It seems you do feel something serious for him, since you do wait for him, you feel connected with him. And you hope he doesn't talk like that with other girls. I'd say you're getting the feels for him.
But why are you so certain you'll never meet? If that's really how it is you're just going to disappoint yourself if you keep this up.

Let me tell you something. I'm a gamer too. And I met my ex/first boyfriend on a game too. But he was lying to me in the end when I figured something out. So I quit things with him and told myself' not this again'. Few years later I was still playing this game and bumped into the man that's now my SO. And he instantly blew me away and we fell in love. The only thing is he lives in Australia and I live in the Netherlands. But we met 3 times now. And the last time I've lived together with him for a year. This year it's gonna be 6 years. And next time will hopefully be permanent.

[Layla_rose]

Hello!

How are you so sure it won't become anything? Or is it just that you don't want to be in a long distance relationship?
It seems you do feel something serious for him, since you do wait for him, you feel connected with him. And you hope he doesn't talk like that with other girls. I'd say you're getting the feels for him.
But why are you so certain you'll never meet? If that's really how it is you're just going to disappoint yourself if you keep this up.

Let me tell you something. I'm a gamer too. And I met my ex/first boyfriend on a game too. But he was lying to me in the end when I figured something out. So I quit things with him and told myself' not this again'. Few years later I was still playing this game and bumped into the man that's now my SO. And he instantly blew me away and we fell in love. The only thing is he lives in Australia and I live in the Netherlands. But we met 3 times now. And the last time I've lived together with him for a year. This year it's gonna be 6 years. And next time will hopefully be permanent.

I'm sure because he's point blank said he wouldn't want to meet. I've asked him before, if given the chance would he meet me and he's said no. That it would make things awkward and ruin what we have. It's been a very strange and almost manipulative relationship and I cant shake there theres some major thing he isn't telling me. Then I ask myself "if this isn't something that will go into real life then what does it matter?" but it does. I adore him, or the him I know anyway. He's told me he loves me, yet his actions rarely prove that.

He makes me feel like I'm going insane, I am relaxed and anxious around him every time simultaneously.

A few "sketchy" things though. A few months ago i was contacted by someone who claimed to be his girlfriend. Claimed he was cheating on her with me, ect ect.. but he'd told me about a stalker before, and on digging I concluded that his claims were right and that she was stalking him. Still I always have it in my head that there is alot more there than I ever will know.

He is very secretive about his life. He wasn't at first, he'd tell me things through the day.. but he left out a crucial part. He has a 6 year old boy that he calls his son, but who he says is his brother's kid. He didn't tell me about this kid until the stalker brought him up.
Stalkers story: he lives with his son and his sons mother, though they are not together.
His story: He lives with his brothers son who he considers his own, and 2 roommates - a guy and a girl.

He acts very peculiar with me too. He's lovey one moment and the next he's evasive. He can't talk on discord (voice chat prog) until late at night. He is always saying he will spend time with me, then acting like I'm insane when I get upset as he drops our plans to go help someone else. (and yes its just a game, but its still time and energy invested, and social interaction that he's opting to spend with someone else)

He wont introduce me to friends, especially real life friends.. yet he knows most of mine and I'd intro him to anyone. I feel like he's hiding something major because of this.

Tonight he sent a mistell to me, that simply said "wish iw as there with ya" and he explained it away saying it was something about content the friend was running in game. That it was a guy, ect.. my senses flared. I don''t trust him but if we never meet whats it matter?

That's the biggest thing. I KNOW it doesn't matter. None of this matters. We will never meet so whats the point? WHY can't I just let him go, let this slip away.. do my own thing and make HIM come to ME at least?! What is it about this one person that makes me turn into a jealous, needy person? I usually never am but this person.. changes me. His voice alone makes me melt into a puddle and he has such a way with words that I just.. get rendered powerless to him.


I will add I've had a relationship that started on wow. It went horribly wrong, but I really think the likelihood of meeting someone on wow verses real life is extremely high.

Congrats on finding someone! what game did you find him in?

[autumn1790]

I'm sure because he's point blank said he wouldn't want to meet. I've asked him before, if given the chance would he meet me and he's said no. That it would make things awkward and ruin what we have. It's been a very strange and almost manipulative relationship and I cant shake there theres some major thing he isn't telling me. Then I ask myself "if this isn't something that will go into real life then what does it matter?" but it does. I adore him, or the him I know anyway. He's told me he loves me, yet his actions rarely prove that.

He makes me feel like I'm going insane, I am relaxed and anxious around him every time simultaneously.

A few "sketchy" things though. A few months ago i was contacted by someone who claimed to be his girlfriend. Claimed he was cheating on her with me, ect ect.. but he'd told me about a stalker before, and on digging I concluded that his claims were right and that she was stalking him. Still I always have it in my head that there is alot more there than I ever will know.

He is very secretive about his life. He wasn't at first, he'd tell me things through the day.. but he left out a crucial part. He has a 6 year old boy that he calls his son, but who he says is his brother's kid. He didn't tell me about this kid until the stalker brought him up.
Stalkers story: he lives with his son and his sons mother, though they are not together.
His story: He lives with his brothers son who he considers his own, and 2 roommates - a guy and a girl.

He acts very peculiar with me too. He's lovey one moment and the next he's evasive. He can't talk on discord (voice chat prog) until late at night. He is always saying he will spend time with me, then acting like I'm insane when I get upset as he drops our plans to go help someone else. (and yes its just a game, but its still time and energy invested, and social interaction that he's opting to spend with someone else)

He wont introduce me to friends, especially real life friends.. yet he knows most of mine and I'd intro him to anyone. I feel like he's hiding something major because of this.

Tonight he sent a mistell to me, that simply said "wish iw as there with ya" and he explained it away saying it was something about content the friend was running in game. That it was a guy, ect.. my senses flared. I don''t trust him but if we never meet whats it matter?

That's the biggest thing. I KNOW it doesn't matter. None of this matters. We will never meet so whats the point? WHY can't I just let him go, let this slip away.. do my own thing and make HIM come to ME at least?! What is it about this one person that makes me turn into a jealous, needy person? I usually never am but this person.. changes me. His voice alone makes me melt into a puddle and he has such a way with words that I just.. get rendered powerless to him.


I will add I've had a relationship that started on wow. It went horribly wrong, but I really think the likelihood of meeting someone on wow verses real life is extremely high.

Congrats on finding someone! what game did you find him in?

To be frank, all these inconsistencies and facts can really make one wonder if he is involved with someone else. I know absolutely nothing about wow or online gaming in general, but is there any way you can not play against him and just cut contact? It's not very realistic to try to get over him while you're still talking. I feel the emotional roller coaster he's putting you on is not worth the damage to your health. He's not willing to fully discuss things with you, make a plan for the future, or be there for you consistently: can you really deal with that long term?

[Littlewhiteflower]

It sounds like he has a son and a girlfriend in real life. She could even be his wife and he is emotionally cheating on her with you. It is SO easy to lie online. You should believe the red flags instead of believing him.

Don't take it badly but you sound emotionally dependent on him. A healthy relationship should be about two independent people who somehow complete each other. You have developer a sort of unhealthy attachment to this virtual person. If he is a cheater, he is also manipulative. There's nothing good with that from my external point of view.

I thing the healthiest thing you can do is move on. What you can do for that is tell him goodbye properly and disappear. Block him or do what is possible for him to stop contacting you. This guy doesn't sound like a good person. He sounds like a player with women. He sounds like he would never commit to you... perhaps online yes but never in real life. We are in real life. Your soul mate is walking in the street right now while you leave this man plays with your heart. Let him go. If you can't, then perhaps you need to take a break from video game for a bit.

[Layla_rose]

I really do wonder now if he's living with his girlfriend or wife. It would add up. I've tried to make it NOT add up but it definitely does. And I know he's very manipulative and secretive. All those red flags are just things I can't ignore.

His patterns are consistently inconsistent if that makes sense. As soon as he feels me give up and pull away he reverts back to the guy I met early on. Says he loves me, or adores me.
For some reason he makes me someone I'm not normally. I'm very strong willed (he likes submissive girls, has told me that before.. something I am most certainly NOT and never aspire to be), I am usually very independent.. Why am I so attached to this guy?

Thank you guys, I came here because you guys understand that a connection can happen online. Friends say "you cant be attached to him somehow, you've never met him!" but I've been in two very long term real relationships with 1000s of miles between myself and my SO. That connection was always there instantly, Emotional connections know no miles. The question sometimes is whether it stays once you've met in person.

This guy though is so sketchy and I hate that I'm bonded to him in some way, I want to figure out why so it doesn't happen again!! You're right I am emotionally dependent on him, I think he worked into my life at just the right point and now I feel like I can't get him out.

[Atlantic Crossroads]

From what you have said, I would definitely cut and run.
He is manipulating you, because he knows he can. Cut him off completely, and don't be tempted. You said yourself there are red flags all over the place. If your gut is telling you something is off, trust it. You deserve better than this. Much better. I was living with a guy who was my partner, and he was texting another girl in Australia whilst we were together! He even had her name tattooed on his chest from before I met him. I should never have gotten involved with him. When I moved in, I discovered he was a violent alcoholic with mental health issues.
I don't know if you will ever work out the why. Some people just seem to have a magnetic draw, and some of those people use it to their advantage.