Head vs Heart

[JustOldEnough]

Hello all. I am desperately needing some advice and I am hoping this is the correct forum for my post. I am a new member to this site and am floored by the sense of community and belonging that I sense here.
I have been in a long distance relationship (LDR) for roughly 6 months. I visited home over the holidays and basically met the woman of my dreams. She is everything that I have always wanted. I am in no way a spring chicken, and I had all but given up the hope of finding my soul mate; or at least someone I would want to spend the rest of my life with. We met at a holiday party that was put on by the local funeral home (A bit odd, I know but they know how to do it up right). Our casual conversation turned into a 4 hour long discussion that covered close to everything in life. After staying uncomfortably late at the party, I was lucky to get her number. The remaining 5 days in town were spent with her. It was an unexpected but very welcome surprise.
Fast forward to now – We have visited each other 4 times now, and each time has been better and better, with our relationship progressing more quickly than I ever would have anticipated. We don’t have any issues at all being able to communicate in an LDR. In fact, I still communicate better with her than anyone I have living close to me.
In trying to figure out activities we could do together long distance (you all know what I’m talking about) we decided to try one of the do-it-yourself genetics test kits. We both swabbed over facetime and had a laugh while trying to not drool all over the place.
Once we received the results several weeks later, all laughing stopped. The unimaginable has happened. While we obviously were from the same small town, we never stopped to consider that it could even be a possibility. For Christ sakes, we have met each other’s parents and no one had any idea. As it turns out, we are cousins. Not first cousins, but cousins nonetheless.
At first we were both sick. Actually physically ill. But after communicating in that way that we do, we were able to talk each other off of the ledge and step back from feeling like this is the end.
Now, I am stuck and feeling like I am losing my mind. While this is the most horrifying thing that has ever happened in my life. I still love her. I still am IN LOVE with her. While trying to process this information, I started to feel like a bad person or a sexual deviant. Of course, she was the one I turned to with my concerns and it turns out that she is feeling exactly the same way.
This is where your advice comes in. Is this something we should try and move forward with, knowing that we are each other’s soulmates? Or is this something I need to walk away from, regardless of how much pain it will bring both of us?
While I feel like I SHOULD know the answer, I am having a very hard time with this.

[kittyo9]

That is certainly an interesting story.

To be fair, it was extremely common for people to marry their second or third cousins in the past (like pre-20th century) because of limited selection and inability to travel long distances. In fact it still happens fairly often in some more rural communities where people tend not to leave their home town. There is also a slight misconception in terms of genetics and cousins-- while first cousins will have a much higher risk of genetic abnormalities if they have children, second cousins and beyond have only slightly elevated risk of genetic issues in births and that's if you even decide to have kids. The whole taboo-ness and stigma of everything kind of stemmed from that.

That said, it might just come down to how easily you can each move on from your initial reactions. If you will always be bothered by it, it will always hang over the relationship and diminish your enjoyment and cause undue stress. If you can come to terms with it, especially if your families are not so connected, you will be able to focus on having a healthy relationship.

I don't really think there's anything wrong with it, especially if you didn't know. It can be difficult to overcome that perceived stigma, though.

[Sunshinewings]

Agree, this is a VERY interesting story and what are the odds? If you take a good look at the results of those DNA testing kits, you'll find that you're a lot closer linked to a ton of people than you thought. It says so much about your relationship that you are able to come together and confide in each other about your feelings. Even if you decide to take the relationship down to a familial level you already have that foundation. And that is hard to find even in the closest of families.

All that being said, if this is going to be something that is constantly in the back of your head, you will both pick up on it and it WILL affect your relationship on every level. If this relationship is worth continuing, and I suspect that it is, maybe look into some kind of coaching or counseling both individually and as a couple to help you sort through the feelings that come along with this new knowledge?