Hi, I am 50 and new to LDR. My boyfriend and Live about 1,500 miles from each other and have been seeing each other s once the first of 2019.. We met a few days before he relocated to California and just hit it off. He is like me but in a man’s body. We have so much in common we just had to pursue and see what was there. I live in the c it’s, he lives on a mountain in CA and he has a job that he works remotely and can work anywhere in the world. He relocated to CA to be closer to his family. I have a job that Can’t work from anywhere and I have a 23 year old son who has some developmental challenges and he needs my help because there is no family where my son and I live. I am having a lot of issues with this relationship because I would love it if my boyfriend would move back to WA state. Before he moved, he lived 51 miles from where Currently live. He has been to visit me twice and I Am the one who has been making the effort to fly and visit him. It’s exhausting and when I return home from visiting him, I am exhausted and it takes days for me to recover. I have gotten to the point to where if he wants to see me, he can come visit me. He has a dog and uses the excuse that he has to board his dog out. I have a cat rescue and rescue orphan kittens. When I travel,Have to make sure my cats are taken care of and it is starting to cost me a lot of money to go visit him. I am at a point in my life where I would like to be with the right person to spend the rest of my life with and this man is the one. But I am beginning to think is LDR really worth it? I don’t like Southern California and have zero desire to ever move from WA state. I am just rambling here but I am growing frustrated by this.
-
-
Hi!
It sounds like you both have things that are kind of holding you back from closing the distance; family, pets, work, etc. I know the relationship is still fairly new so maybe closing the distance isn't in the cards for you at this point, but if you feel like he is really the one you want to be with then at some point sacrifices will need to be made on both ends. I am not sure how you are handling the long distance aspect of it but maybe keep doing that until you can both commit to a plan?
I think either way you should talk to him about how you're feeling and just kind of let him know about your frustrations.~And ever has it been known that Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation~ -
Hi,
Thank you for taking the time to respond. At this point, I am growing pretty frustrated. For several reasons. I went to visit him a couple of weeks ago. I was at his place for a week. He works from home for worldwide company and he paid 0 attention to me the entire week I was there. He would pass out on the couch at night,I could not wake him up, and I spent most of the nights I was there, alone in bed. The last night I was at his place, he snapped at me for wanting to help him clean up milk he spilled on the table while we were having dinner. We sat and chatted that night about his behavior that week. He told be he was aware he wasn’t. Being very kind to me. That really hurt, especially since I spent money and took the time to visit him. Yesterday he said he missed me.I told him to come see. Me. It’s nothing for him to jump on a plane and travel. He said he was just too busy to come visit. He has horrible time management skills and he admits it himself. He lives in a 500 sq ft cabin on a mountain and there literally is not that much to do at his place. I told im yesterday I had traveled to see him the last 5 times we saw each other and I had th inns to do too but I got them done so I could go see him because I made him a priority. He responded with, “ I know that.” That was it. [I] Am getting to the point to where I am done.Comment
-
Hmm.. Sounds to me like hes not as invested as you are. You shouldn't be putting up with that kind of behavior, especially if he is aware of how he is acting. Hes a grown man and should know better.. right? His job may be important to him, but you need to be a priority as well.
How talkative is he when you are not there? Do you talk or text daily? I know my SO and I are pretty busy with our every day lives but making time for each other in an LDR is SO important; when we visit, we focus on each other with no distractions. You deserve better and shouldn't make all the sacrifices alone.
Do what makes you happy!~And ever has it been known that Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation~Comment
-
We do text everyday, through out the day and talk on the phone at night. He is very easy to talk to and I have not met a man who is so much like me. He seems to have issues with time management and he is aware of it. But doe nothing to work on it. Out of the times I have flown to CA to visit him, he has been on time ONCE to pick me up. He told me all these sweet things when we first started talking to each other like, “ I will always keep your heart safe” etc. well he broke that promise the last time I went to visit him because of his behavior towards me. If he was already started breaking his word with me this early on, he will do it again in the future.Comment
-
Sorry to hear this. I guess all that you can do is be as open and honest with him as you have been here and see if he ups his game. If you have gone to him the last 5 times it is definitely only fair that he comes to you next x
Comment
-
Just let him know how you are feeling and express to him that you are not okay with how things are going right now. If he truly and honestly cares for you like he says he does then he will do what he needs to do to make the changes. If he knows his downfalls but does nothing to fix them, then that in itself is a red flag, in my opinion.Originally posted by Mdelable View Post~And ever has it been known that Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation~Comment
Comment