Too soon or too young to close the distance?

[Andy]

I'm 22 and sometimes I find myself a bit overwhelmed by the situation I find myself in. We've known each other almost 3 years now but this is my first serious relationship. The thing with Tanja is that she has everything I, or anyone I guess, could want in a girl that I'd want to settle down with, I mean both practically and as a person. I actually find that a bit scary at times in a strange sort of way.

Sometimes I think how fast this has all happened. I'm only 22, and I'm looking at moving countries, to one where I can't speak the language in fact

I don't doubt for a second that I want to be with Tanja, I've never been so certain of anything. I feel like she's super special and she's all mine and God damnit it's staying that way

But as I have LOTS of time to think about things while she's at work, I wonder lots of things. I'm a thinker anyway, I think about things ALL the time, just constantly tbh. Tanja read somewhere that people like me who like to analyze and think about everything end up being more stressed so that might be why I feel hopeless sometimes

Do you think you're too young to close the distance? Would you rather wait until you're a certain age? Or achieved something in particular first like getting a degree for example?

Or do you think it's too soon to start thinking about closing the distance even though your SO disagrees because you haven't been together very long?

[DarkSolitary]

Well, with me. Me and my SO are 18 and 17, respectively and are planning on closing the distance next year which isn't too soon in my opinion :P We plan on living together when he moves here but at this point in time might be a bit too soon xP Especially since I don't have my own place yet :C Or even a job for that matter. If he does manage to move over here next year he might be living with me but... at my parents house or my grandmother's house. But, Its still a good 8-10 months before he can move over here so I'm not gonna worry about it quite yet xP

[LadyMarchHare]

Being 20 and not even in the relationship a full year, I suppose for me it's pretty quick for me to say I'm working on getting money to end the distance by sometime next year. It's not a hasty decision as it's taken me months to even decide that, yes, I'd move and leave my comfort zone and just as long to weigh the reality of living with someone beside my mom, paying bills, having a job, etc. It's a scary thing regardless of how long you've been together or how old you are. So long as you know what you're getting in to I suppose it doesn't matter about 'too soon' or 'too young'.

[Darth_Taco]

It does freak me out sometimes. I'm 20-years-old and still dating my first love O_o. When you take our dating histories into account, it gets weirder. I've only been with two other people. The longest of those two relationships was just under a month, and neither got past kissing. Hell, one didn't even get to do that. I've now got two years invested into Enrique, and he's the first guy I've done most things with. Hell, he's the only person I've actually gone out on a date with. I only ever really saw the guys when we were hanging out with friends and never actually took the initiative to go out on an actual date. No, neither was at all serious.

Enrique's...depends how you look at it. He's been with only one other person. He dated her I believe he told me about 2 1/2 years. She was his first everything. Then I randomly come along on the internet when the love he realized the love he felt for her was more of a platonic love. Actually, when I think about it I might also be his first love, but I never bring it up and refuse to. I think that should belong to his ex. She was amazing to him and helped make him the man he is today. I don't wanna bring it up and suddenly put another doubt on his mind about his past feelings for her. She deserves the title of first love, so I'd rather we leave it that way. I have him now, that's what's important @_@!

Ok, that's out dating histories. We're 20, I'm trying to move over to him (still won't say what progress we have to not jinx it), he's promised me a child (long story), and marriage was brought up like 2 hours ago. I'm too young for this shit ;_;! Eh, some people find 'em young. That's perfect for us, we're freaking lazy xD. Actually, he recently called me his perfect woman. I still don't know whether to be offended or not since he called me a woman ;_;!

[squiddie]

Lately I've been having a lot of "I'm too young for this" thoughts.

I've been with Penn nearly two years. We started out close-distance, and we're talking about closing it next summer. We're talking about getting married, though "when" is sort of an abstract concept. I've always said that I wouldn't move in with a guy I wasn't engaged to, and Penn's aware of this, so I expect that's probably coming.

I'm at that age where suddenly everyone I know is getting engaged and married. People who've been dating for ages, people who've been together less than a year, people I didn't even know were dating! It's just...woah. Sometimes I don't know if I just want this because I'm starting to feel like everyone around me is moving at that pace or if I actually, truly want it.

I definitely feel too young sometimes. And I'm scared that these decisions will bite me in the butt...but those are risks I have to take, right? And the same for you.

[Silviar]

At 25, an independent young woman who can run her own life, has wise money-spending habits, and has a steady job - I don't think I'm too young to close the distance.

Although some people will disagree, I don't believe age is a factor to closing the distance; maturity is, which for many people, comes with age. Before you poo-poo me and use extreme examples, hear me out. Closing the distance is a big deal, no matter what the distance because it involves striking out on your own and handling all of your affairs, the joys and the problems, with your own abilities and monetary backing. That means, should your relationship fail, you can honestly say you can make it on your own still - and by your own I mean your parents don't have to pay to get you back home, you can move out to be somewhere else and still survive, etc.

Maturity involves handling your own money, your own lifestyle in a self-supporting way, as well as being emotionally capable. Those, and how you feel about moving, are the important factors. It's natural to be a little nervous, but if you're completely terrified/worried/anxious at the thought, you're not emotionally ready. So wait, and it'll make things better for you overall.

Myself, I've decided to not move until I have $10k saved up. I want to make sure I'm able to be completely self-sufficient, and I want an emergency fund to tide me through in case the worse should happen.

If my sweetheart had his way, I'd be living over there now. He's eager ot have us together and never separated. XD

[Silviar]

I definitely feel too young sometimes. And I'm scared that these decisions will bite me in the butt...but those are risks I have to take, right? And the same for you.

If you feel too young, then wait. You have everything to gain by waiting until you feel comfortably ready, otherwise you might make a decision base don what everyone else is doing. Don't feel pressured. Do it when it feels right for you.

[Čternity]

Well I guess it's a balance. If you are midway through a degree it probably isn't a great time to move. However, at the end of a degree you will probably have student loans, then you need a job to pay them off and maybe you can't leave where you are, especially that country, until you do. Then you have a job *sigh* now it's getting tougher, more complicated, more consideration needed and it goes on.

So I guess I'm saying, when you are young, your life will probably never be any less complicated or 'burdened' than it is at this moment. So as far as an LDR is concerned, if you are going to close the distance, this is as 'simple' as it's going to get.

Being CD will bring a different set of challenges anyway whether it is now or two years from now. See that's the thing, it's a bit like the dilema many couples face when wanting a baby. If everyone waited for the 'right' time there wouldn't be many. There is never the right time, stable enough economy, enough money saved, sufficient support, emotional maturity, etc but people have em anyway, young, old and in between.

Not sure if that made enough sense to be helpful. Gosh I became my father, in a single post.

[NaNi]

Well, my SO is 20 and I'm 22. But I never had any thoughts that we might be too young to close the distance - or move together. I just want to live with her! And I think she only wants the same thing too. We talk about it a lot.

[sam]

I think it's different for the guys in an LDR in the same country. I'm sure you wouldnt feel like you're too young, if Tanja was in Devon or something I know that's how I feel. It's the whole.. moving to a different country.. add to that the big difference in culture.. and the fact I dont speak the language and it's all a bit overwhelming, like you said

I'd certainly have no doubts if Elina was just in London or wherever.. but because of the things I just said + a lot more of course there'll be doubts about if I'm too young to handle it etc

I'd know the language.. I'd know the culture.. I could make new friends a lot easier.. I could drive.. I could study in the right language for the country I could find work pretty easily as I speak the language >.> The list goes on..

[Élan]

I don't have doubts so much as I sometimes resent the situation because of how young I am. I feel like at 21 I shouldn't be having to count every penny, having consultations with lawyers, etc etc. It's mainly the money issue that really gets me down. My friends are spending their paychecks going out for drinks and fun things like that while I am using mine for that lawyer! And I feel like now that my SO and I have officially filed for K1, I have become the "old maid" of my friend group.

On the other hand, I feel like the situation we are in is good for closing the distance right now. So that's why I am moving to be with him in 2 months (while we wait for the K1 to process). I will have my BA, he will have his MBA and both of us will have our degrees paid off. In addition, his job is good enough to support me in his country. So why wait? It is a big step though. We can't play with each other's lives, so we've had to constantly reevaluate and make sure this is EXACTLY what we want for our future.

[NikkiP]

So I am 23 and moved to Charlotte away from pretty much everybody that I know when I was only 20 years old. I'm at a serious intersection in my life and so quite frankly this entire thing couldn't have come at a better time. We talked about this a bit on the phone last night as my SO was really missing me yesterday. (He's so flipping cute!) We have agreed that he is willing to move down here next June if nothing happens before then but otherwise it's really quite as simple as me finding a career up there and a school to transfer to and my own apartment. Yes, I'm completely and totally willing to move to Pittsburgh but not ready to move in with him. *shrug* That's just how I roll I guess. I am ready to leave Charlotte, so why not be where the only man who has ever made me feel this way is?

[Karringtyn]

Sometimes I am sure I come across as the "Mom" advice in the crowd. But to me it is like this.

If you find someone that can truly make you happy and fufilled...follow your heart....We only live ths crazy life once...and live with no regrets. MY ex husband and i were young...but I don't regret it at all.

Live your life and take chances.........

Love is indeed beautiful.

[Zephii]

I think this thread will really help me understand Obi's way of thinking.

I feel the opposite, that at 23 I'm too old to be waiting any longer and that I'm behind in life. But at 24 he clings to his youth. When we were closing the distance the "too fast" conversation did come up, and I offered to move to Canada but find my own place, but that just seemed stupid because he'd be living with me for four months in Australia before we went back. (And I think I'd have been offended if he had agreed to this plan! If I'm gonna move to a new country the least ya can do is live with me )

I think it depends how people were raised too. My family always did it hard, and my mum was sick for a long time, we learnt to fend for ourselves and both my sister and I moved out of home young (15). Obi's family was quite the opposite. Very normal, protective and stable. He lived at home until he was 23 O.o, let them support him through school and VFX school, and had a lot more opportunities to just be young and socialize. I know it wasn't easy for him to give up the idea he'd live with his mates a few years before striking out alone.

We had a talk in the shower last night, and realised just how far on the opposite ends of the stick we're on. He feels like life is going really fast, just rushing past him. I feel like every tiny step of progress we make is something that comes about because I force it to. He's happy because this (having his own place, being in a serious relationship, working full time, visiting family rather than living with him, planning long stays overseas) is all very new to him, where I've "been there, done that" and I don't have the novelty there to slow me down.

The thing with international LDRs (I can't speak for the other kind) is that you miss out on the little steps that most people take between the big steps. Like, most of my friends have their own places and visit their SO's. When it gets to the point that they are spending more time there than at home, then the topic of moving in comes up. And when moving happens, it's not that big a deal if something goes wrong. When it's international, if you want to see them every day you move in with them, and if it all goes pear-shaped.. well... best not to think about that!

[Moon]

I think if you're over 18, you're old enough. With age, all you do is swap one set of issues for the next, trust me, I'm old, I know You might be financially stable and established as you get older, but that's the problem, you're established! Moving to another country means giving up everything you've worked so hard for here, so there's no magic age in which you should make the jump, just do it when you're ready and when you've got a feasible plan in place. I actually think an international move is probably easier when you're a bit younger, as you haven't really settled into life yet and can adapt much more quickly.