tired of being immature

[Caitlin2009]

I am going to be blunt. Only because I have been there and this is how I am.

First of all. Eric how you are really trying to reach out for help through this...IS mature. You acknowledge that you are doing something that is putting a strain on the relationship and that you truly do need to trust her.

I have lots of guy friends. But I don't spend a lot of time with them now. Chalk that up to my old age and the fact I have three kids...but I don't "hang" with any of them.

Does she know just how DEEP this hurts you?

Amanda is not your exes that have hurt you. Repeat that over and over.

You have a beautiful woman who loves you. YOU ERIC.

Past doesn't always repeat.

But how we act today can CAUSE things to turn out the way we were afraid they would.

Repeat that.

HOW WE ACT TODAY CAN CAUSE THINGS TO TURN OUT THE WAY WE WERE AFRAID THEY WOULD.

Either you learn to accept the fact that she has friends, male or female, will be doing things with them, and right now you are LDR. You don't want her sitting home missing you do you? That's no life and I am sure you don't want that for her.


You are at a crossroads my friend....either you really think about your actions and let go of the past and take a different path....or stay on this one...that thinks you will be cheated on and hurt...

It's a step out in faith.

A very hard one. I am much older than you and it took me years to choose the right path.

a big amen to that!!!! this is something i struggle with as well, Denise is very different from my ex but there are moments where the past will sneak up on me and i'll start thinking shit what if she's doing something with that person, and recently when i think that i give myself a mental kick in the ass because i know in my heart she'll never do that to me. You have to start believing that your SO is never gonna be like any of your ex's. if you keep thinking that she is like your ex's then your relationship with her is gonna be over

[Rugger]

Honestly, I'd be upset in the same situation. I would get very uncomfortable if he was hanging out with JUST his ex ( as in not with a group of friends). I've been severely hurt in the past, cheated on, abused, sexual assault, and it has made me very jealous. But T is not that jerk. I'm working on my jealousy and I'll tell you how.

I talk myself down. When I feel that familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach, I say to myself "He loves me. If he didn't, he wouldn't be with me. He could have any girl he wants and HE WANTS ME!" You need to say the same thing to yourself. I'm serious. Look in the mirror and say "Amanda loves me. If she didn't, she wouldn't be with me. She could have any boy she wants and SHE WANTS ME. ME AND ONLY ME!" It helps me feel better

[Mio]

I think all of us go thru something like this from time to time. I guess we recent the time our SO's are spending with other people, and us sitting back home wishing it was us. I think time will help you get over this. Best wishes!

[luna_banana]

My SO has gone through the exact same thing as you. Last November, our relationship was really difficult and I considered breaking up with him for my best friend. He's never gotten over that, and anytime we hang out my boyfriend gets so sad
But I'm not good at being social, and I only have a few friends as it is. This guy was my first friend here after I moved, and has always been able to help me out when life gets difficult. He's in the army so he won't be back until November, but when he does, I don't know what to do. If I hang out with him I will feel horrible for making Dawson sad. But if i completely ignore him, I will be incredibly lonely and feel like I'm sacrificing my own happiness for the sake of my SO's paranoia. So its hard to deal with on the other side as well.

[MoonWatcher]

This is the best way of thinking that I could come up with:

Every day, every hour, every second that goes by is one more that she's closer to you. And one more away from him. YOU get her in the end. Not him. Just keep reminding yourself of that and it will get easier.

Also, eventually it's gonna hit this dude that he's not going to have her around forever. In a twisted way, I would get some satisfaction out of that.

And in all honesty, I too have serious trust issues with people so I get where you're coming from on that. But if she's been tempted by this guy's antics for 5 months and is still with you and loves you and is willing to keep the relationship going and HASN'T cheated on you... you've got a keeper, and it sounds like she's worthy of your trust. Their friendship is probably fleeting. Yours is not. Don't forget that.