surgery, time difference and anniversaries

[tokyo blues]

Hi everyone, I hope everyone is feeling healthy.
I write this because a few months ago I had a surgery and I don't feel myself ever since. Emotionally I've discover myself being more dependent of people's love and of course getting mad at him because he doesn't reply within the second its a big no as both of us have our activities . I'm trying to get that over with because its not fair to him. But i do wanna know your opinion on a certain situation.

My boyfriend and I just have a 1 hour difference, which is really cool. But last Thursday he was changed to night shift (5 pm to 5 am) so he has to sleep during the day and work nights. Acknowledging the time difference this would carry, I talked to him about a game plan for communication. he agreed that is gonna be hard but that he would get up call me while he was getting ready. This weekend he didn't have to work. Saturday we texted for a little bit and i was leaving hints here and there, he didn't catch it, he forgot our anniversary. Saturday I was kinda upset about it so I called 9 am while he was still sleeping and told him nicely the situation. He apologized but I felt it that he didn't meant it because after that he was like "I need to go to back to sleep to get used to my new schedule" so I let him go and said bye with sort of a joke " bye thank you for enduring a year with this crazy annoying girl here". His response was a simple bye. It hurt to the bone, made me think that's his real concept of me.I decided it wasn't that much and woke him up with a text a 4:30 pm No response from him until 9 pm where I tried to call him and texted him on other social media. He said that he was busy and said that he didn't wanted to talk yesterday night. I don't know how to proceed. I can't make his change of schedule about me but its hard to break the habit.

[BaconGirl05]

I just want to start off by saying 12 hour night shifts are hard. My partner does 12hr day and night shifts throughout the week, and it definitely takes a toll on him, so he's sleeping a lot of the day to catch up in sleep. He also has to take time just for him. After working 12 hours straight, he doesn't always want to do things that I may want to do. He needs to take time to wind down in his own time which requires him to take some "me time" for himself.

Then for you and your SO, you have that extra stressor of being long distance on top of his 12 hour night shifts. I think it's great you guys talked about a plan of how you will tackle this new work schedule. What did you guys come up with when you spoke about both of you adjusting to his new schedule? It might be best to come up with other ways around that such as talking on his days off. Being in an LDR needs communication and requires flexibility. You SO sounds like he's trying to adjust to his new schedule. In any relationship, it's best to be straight forward about things and not just drop hints, especially when it comes to talking. Tell him that you would like to call if he's free. I know it's frustrating when you have to change up your routine together and can't talk as much as before.

I want to stress to you that 12hr shifts are hard. It took me sometime to get used to by partner's schedule and that if I want to do something or talk to him, but he's asleep, I need to let him sleep. You can send your SO little messages such as, "I love you and I'm thinking of you," but don't wake him up after his shifts. What hobbies do you have and what do you enjoy? Busying yourself is a great way to distract yourself while you're unable to talk. I encourage you to find something you enjoy or even go out with friends and family

[tokyo blues]

All I can say its thank you for those wise words. I have occupy myself in something. This quarantine makes seeing my friends really difficult but hey we have the internet also I love painting and drawing. Rewarding your agreement quesrion, every time life throws a bad or good bone at us i wait until he feels comfortable enough and we talk about a "game plan" for the situation. In this case we agreed that he would get a iwatch to see my texts while at work and reply if he can. Also to call when he's getting ready for the day. If he doesn't call or text I will text him to make sure he's alright. I'm definitely doing the little messages you said! ������

[Rezie]

He was a bit of a jerk. But nothing that can be solved. We can all be jerks sometime. Maybe he was feeling a bit too tired from his shift and for him the anniversary is not a big deal. Let him know that you were a bit hurt by the interaction. Then he can explain his side and you will more likely feel a but better.

Also, regarding the communication. Just give it time for him to adjust. Don't schedule too much. Just send messages and respond when there is time. Just low key for the time being