My boyfriend left today, I dropped him off at the airport a few hours ago, I wasn’t allowed inside so it was a tearful goodbye outside. He’s been with me 24/7 for ten weeks, and now, I don’t know what to do with myself. I come home to how I left it, how we left it. I keep expecting him to jump up on me, or remark on whatever I’m watching, but there’s nothing. You forget just how difficult saying goodbye is until you have to relive it, at this point I’d rather physical pain than this. It’s just a sincere emptiness inside, like a part of your life is missing. He became part of my daily routine, and now he’s gone.
It’s hard to not feel crazy, tracking his flight and watching it fly over the ocean as a little dot on a map, getting further and further away from me, holding onto his shirt like it’ll run away from me, going through our pictures. Anything that’ll make us feel closer. I probably won’t hear from him until very late at night, so I can’t even text him to feel better. The months before he came over were incredibly difficult, unsure when we’d be able to see each other, stressed out and scared. It felt like a godsend when he eventually made it over, somehow it felt final, like all the crap we went through meant we’d be together forever now. It feels like I’m back to square one, counting down the days, worrying if the global situation will get worse and the waiting will be prolonged like last time. Stuck in my house with no one to talk to, no motivation to do anything.
I know it passes, the first few days are just so very hard. Everything you’re used to is just taken away again. The other aspects of my life are not so great, my job prospects are screwed due to the fact unemployment has just hit a new time low and it’s near to impossible to find a job where I am right now. I have no friends to speak of, the only thing keeping me going is him, and my pets. I try and hold onto the fact we’ll hopefully be together permanently next year, but there’s a lot of obstacles to get through until then. I feel so awful and restless, I want a hug and I’m so used to having them on tap, now it’s going to be at least twelve weeks until I see him again. I don’t know anyone In my life who has ever gone through this, the highs and lows of long distance. I have a major headache from crying and I just want the pain to stop. I was very well adjusted to the routine of being alone and doing everything solo before, and I know I’ll eventually fall back into it, but today I just can’t fathom the thought. You start thinking mad ideas like what if I book a flight right now and catch up with him, rational thinking completely out the window. Goodbyes truly are one of the worst parts, I never want to go through this again but I know I’ll have to, hopefully fingers crossed only one more time.
It’s hard to not feel crazy, tracking his flight and watching it fly over the ocean as a little dot on a map, getting further and further away from me, holding onto his shirt like it’ll run away from me, going through our pictures. Anything that’ll make us feel closer. I probably won’t hear from him until very late at night, so I can’t even text him to feel better. The months before he came over were incredibly difficult, unsure when we’d be able to see each other, stressed out and scared. It felt like a godsend when he eventually made it over, somehow it felt final, like all the crap we went through meant we’d be together forever now. It feels like I’m back to square one, counting down the days, worrying if the global situation will get worse and the waiting will be prolonged like last time. Stuck in my house with no one to talk to, no motivation to do anything.
I know it passes, the first few days are just so very hard. Everything you’re used to is just taken away again. The other aspects of my life are not so great, my job prospects are screwed due to the fact unemployment has just hit a new time low and it’s near to impossible to find a job where I am right now. I have no friends to speak of, the only thing keeping me going is him, and my pets. I try and hold onto the fact we’ll hopefully be together permanently next year, but there’s a lot of obstacles to get through until then. I feel so awful and restless, I want a hug and I’m so used to having them on tap, now it’s going to be at least twelve weeks until I see him again. I don’t know anyone In my life who has ever gone through this, the highs and lows of long distance. I have a major headache from crying and I just want the pain to stop. I was very well adjusted to the routine of being alone and doing everything solo before, and I know I’ll eventually fall back into it, but today I just can’t fathom the thought. You start thinking mad ideas like what if I book a flight right now and catch up with him, rational thinking completely out the window. Goodbyes truly are one of the worst parts, I never want to go through this again but I know I’ll have to, hopefully fingers crossed only one more time.
. It’s always nice to talk to people on your wavelength.
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