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Struggling to readjust

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    Struggling to readjust

    My boyfriend left today, I dropped him off at the airport a few hours ago, I wasn’t allowed inside so it was a tearful goodbye outside. He’s been with me 24/7 for ten weeks, and now, I don’t know what to do with myself. I come home to how I left it, how we left it. I keep expecting him to jump up on me, or remark on whatever I’m watching, but there’s nothing. You forget just how difficult saying goodbye is until you have to relive it, at this point I’d rather physical pain than this. It’s just a sincere emptiness inside, like a part of your life is missing. He became part of my daily routine, and now he’s gone.

    It’s hard to not feel crazy, tracking his flight and watching it fly over the ocean as a little dot on a map, getting further and further away from me, holding onto his shirt like it’ll run away from me, going through our pictures. Anything that’ll make us feel closer. I probably won’t hear from him until very late at night, so I can’t even text him to feel better. The months before he came over were incredibly difficult, unsure when we’d be able to see each other, stressed out and scared. It felt like a godsend when he eventually made it over, somehow it felt final, like all the crap we went through meant we’d be together forever now. It feels like I’m back to square one, counting down the days, worrying if the global situation will get worse and the waiting will be prolonged like last time. Stuck in my house with no one to talk to, no motivation to do anything.

    I know it passes, the first few days are just so very hard. Everything you’re used to is just taken away again. The other aspects of my life are not so great, my job prospects are screwed due to the fact unemployment has just hit a new time low and it’s near to impossible to find a job where I am right now. I have no friends to speak of, the only thing keeping me going is him, and my pets. I try and hold onto the fact we’ll hopefully be together permanently next year, but there’s a lot of obstacles to get through until then. I feel so awful and restless, I want a hug and I’m so used to having them on tap, now it’s going to be at least twelve weeks until I see him again. I don’t know anyone In my life who has ever gone through this, the highs and lows of long distance. I have a major headache from crying and I just want the pain to stop. I was very well adjusted to the routine of being alone and doing everything solo before, and I know I’ll eventually fall back into it, but today I just can’t fathom the thought. You start thinking mad ideas like what if I book a flight right now and catch up with him, rational thinking completely out the window. Goodbyes truly are one of the worst parts, I never want to go through this again but I know I’ll have to, hopefully fingers crossed only one more time.

    #2
    Firstly, allow yourself to feel those feelings. Bottling them up will only cause more problems if you outburst due to holding everything inside. Yes, it is hard, but at least you’ve had that wonderful time together. That’s so much more than lots of us have had during the pandemic. You also have a plan, which helps you to focus on something positive. Use this forum to express how you feel, there’s a lot of great people here who know exactly how you feel.

    Comment


      #3
      *edited for grammar

      For me this is my first time being long distance so I'm not sure if I can give any advice on 're-adjusting' (or even 'adjusting' to begin with to be honest.)
      but I can definitely relate on the expecting him to jump on you or make comments about stuff...
      Every time I hear someone walk past my door I expect it to be my partner. Or every time I go to the kitchen, or think about running errands I think to myself "I should ask if they want to come". Having that constant presence missing is really hard to deal with and get used to. I can't imagine how stressful it was coordinating a visit during covid (especially being in the states)! I've just begun counting the days but it's already so impossible with not knowing when any of this will be over.

      "You start thinking mad ideas like what if I book a flight right now and catch up with him, rational thinking completely out the window."
      Yes, so much this! I texted immediately saying, "what if I just came to you and lived there even if it's totally impossible right now???" Haha these thoughts are inescapable I think...

      On the positive side, for me it's definitely lessened briefly overtime even in the couple weeks. So I can say with confidence it's not forever (which I guess you already know). What has been a comfort for me at least has been knowing how strong our relationship it. Obviously there is worry and doubt, rational and irrational, but considering this is not your first time apart I imagine your relationship is very strong as well.

      Also side note: my partner is also in the uk! sorry if this is a weird thing to get excited about because it's really far! (I'm in canada though not the usa). It's just nice seeing someone who is having a similar experience I guess, so for this reason thank you <3 and I hope you start feeling better soon. Also, please message me if you ever want to talk or rant or vent or anything!

      Comment


        #4
        SadandConfused (Forgot to quote the message)

        Aw, thank you for your kind words. Means a lot. I’ve seen in your previous post that you guys have lived together, which wow, if I ever got that liberty with my boyfriend I’d never let it go, so kudos to you for being a stronger person than I am and accepting it. I’ve survived the first night, which is a relief, it was broken sleep as I just kept waking up to text him, getting used to the time frames again is a killer. We’ve been long distance from the get go though, so I imagine it would be a lot more frustrating to have to get used to it all of a sudden, we’ve never known anything other than waiting periods and goodbyes, which maybe is an advantage in some ways.

        At least on the bright side for yourself, you won’t have to worry about sorting out a visa for him to come back and live with you again? We still have that obstacle to face. More frustrating still is we did come very close to it, him moving here on a student visa, but all the classes got put online and we decided it wasn’t worth the money or time considering he was only doing it to get to be with me. Now the plan has switched and I’ll be moving to him, hopefully next year, but you just never know. It’s tough, especially since this both our first ever relationship, so I guess we don’t know what a ‘traditional’ one is like.

        I’d be glad to talk to you about it more, same goes for you, if you ever feel like talking, just leave a message or something . It’s always nice to talk to people on your wavelength.
        Last edited by Woweth; September 30, 2020, 06:17 AM.

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by Woweth View Post
          SadandConfused (Forgot to quote the message)

          Aw, thank you for your kind words. Means a lot. I’ve seen in your previous post that you guys have lived together, which wow, if I ever got that liberty with my boyfriend I’d never let it go, so kudos to you for being a stronger person than I am and accepting it. I’ve survived the first night, which is a relief, it was broken sleep as I just kept waking up to text him, getting used to the time frames again is a killer. We’ve been long distance from the get go though, so I imagine it would be a lot more frustrating to have to get used to it all of a sudden, we’ve never known anything other than waiting periods and goodbyes, which maybe is an advantage in some ways.

          At least on the bright side for yourself, you won’t have to worry about sorting out a visa for him to come back and live with you again? We still have that obstacle to face. More frustrating still is we did come very close to it, him moving here on a student visa, but all the classes got put online and we decided it wasn’t worth the money or time considering he was only doing it to get to be with me. Now the plan has switched and I’ll be moving to him, hopefully next year, but you just never know. It’s tough, especially since this both our first ever relationship, so I guess we don’t know what a ‘traditional’ one is like.

          I’d be glad to talk to you about it more, same goes for you, if you ever feel like talking, just leave a message or something . It’s always nice to talk to people on your wavelength.
          Yeah we lived together for two and a half year! It was so close to idyllic, it's been very hard changing for sure. Unfourtunately we are both students and need to finish our degrees (whoever first) before we can be together again.
          Maybe that is an advantage but I can imagine it's really frustrating regardless. I feel like no matter what the situation is, being this far away from a significant other is excruciatingly difficult at times.

          Actually my partner is technically american lol (we both are, but I am a permanent resident of Canada). So we will have to deal with visa stuff either way unless we decide to move back to the states (which neither of us wants). It is seeming more likely that I will go to them as well because I will graduate first if I keep up with full time schooling!

          How big is your time difference? For us it's 5 hours, so I imagine similar for you?
          It really sucks wanting to talk before bed and it's the middle of the night over there!

          I'm so sorry his student visa didn't work out that must have been a hard pill to swallow realizing how your plans had to change. This is sort of my first 'real' relationship as well actually, except for a high school relationship that I don't care to remember lol (same story for my partner). I'm still unsure if this is a pro or con for us, but I guess in time we will find out.

          "Traditional" relationships are over-rated I think. As long as you are committed, love each other, and are on the same page that's all that matters. Thanks for replying!

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by sadandconfused View Post
            Yeah we lived together for two and a half year! It was so close to idyllic, it's been very hard changing for sure. Unfourtunately we are both students and need to finish our degrees (whoever first) before we can be together again.
            Maybe that is an advantage but I can imagine it's really frustrating regardless. I feel like no matter what the situation is, being this far away from a significant other is excruciatingly difficult at times.

            Actually my partner is technically american lol (we both are, but I am a permanent resident of Canada). So we will have to deal with visa stuff either way unless we decide to move back to the states (which neither of us wants). It is seeming more likely that I will go to them as well because I will graduate first if I keep up with full time schooling!

            How big is your time difference? For us it's 5 hours, so I imagine similar for you?
            It really sucks wanting to talk before bed and it's the middle of the night over there!

            I'm so sorry his student visa didn't work out that must have been a hard pill to swallow realizing how your plans had to change. This is sort of my first 'real' relationship as well actually, except for a high school relationship that I don't care to remember lol (same story for my partner). I'm still unsure if this is a pro or con for us, but I guess in time we will find out.

            "Traditional" relationships are over-rated I think. As long as you are committed, love each other, and are on the same page that's all that matters. Thanks for replying!
            No problem! Our time difference is seven hours, as I’m in Scotland and he’s almost as far away as he could be in the states, as he’s in South Dakota. The biggest problem for me concerning that is my sleep schedule can get very bad. During the severe lockdown we had here before he came over, I was staying up till four or five in the morning so I could video him when he got off work, and then sleeping till noon so that I could text him the moment I woke up. I usually don’t hear from him until around two or three in the afternoon since that’s early morning for him. If he ever wants to lie in, it won’t be until late evening. The schedule I had contributed to my sadness, and I really don’t want it happening again, so I’m going to try and make it better this time around.

            And yeah, even though traditional relationships are far easier, I think they do lack the sort of specific bond you have when you do long distance. Sometimes I get jealous of my boyfriend’s friends and how they get to be with their girlfriends all the time, but they’ve all told my boyfriend before that they could never do what we do, and so I guess it makes me feel better knowing that we probably value each other and appreciate the time together so much more.

            I think it’s really cool you’re both pursuing degrees, I was doing studies last year, but I’m really not the academic type, so I dropped it. Although I think these online classes would have been perfect for me, so too bad they weren’t around when I was still in college. My boyfriend and I both decided we probably don’t need to pursue a specific course of study as we’re both planning to work on his family ranch, but of course, it’s still nice to be knowledgeable, can’t go wrong with that.

            If you want you can drop me a message on my account and we can continue talking?

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