Bit of a crisis!

[Andy]

Hmmmmm. I don't think you've heard the last of him somehow lol. Maybe there's some uncertainty and regret creeping in on his behalf already?

Now you've split up - for the time being at least - I'm assuming you feel like a certain weight has been lifted off your shoulders? Given that you were the one making all the effort, I mean. Is that a fair comment? It could be that you 2 splitting up has sent a shift from you to him with regards to that sort of thing. I think the phrase "you don't know what you've got until it's gone" is very true. I think it's possible he needed something like this to make him appreciate what he had.

I don't think he wants to let you go, that's how it looks to me anyway. You said he's never said he loves you, but do you think he does? Or did at least?

Maybe this will give him the kick up the backside he clearly needs.

Make sure you stay strong until you're sure he's well and truly changed before even considering taking him back though, he's got a LOT of changing to do before he deserves another chance if you ask me. However, I get the distinct feeling that this isn't the end of the road as far as you 2 are concerned. Keep us updated! And good luck!

[uk_girl]

Hmmmmm. I don't think you've heard the last of him somehow lol. Maybe there's some uncertainty and regret creeping in on his behalf already?

Now you've split up - for the time being at least - I'm assuming you feel like a certain weight has been lifted off your shoulders? Given that you were the one making all the effort, I mean. Is that a fair comment? It could be that you 2 splitting up has sent a shift from you to him with regards to that sort of thing. I think the phrase "you don't know what you've got until it's gone" is very true. I think it's possible he needed something like this to make him appreciate what he had.

I don't think he wants to let you go, that's how it looks to me anyway. You said he's never said he loves you, but do you think he does? Or did at least?

Maybe this will give him the kick up the backside he clearly needs.

Make sure you stay strong until you're sure he's well and truly changed before even considering taking him back though, he's got a LOT of changing to do before he deserves another chance if you ask me. However, I get the distinct feeling that this isn't the end of the road as far as you 2 are concerned. Keep us updated! And good luck!

Cheers Andy.

And yes it does feel like a lot has been lifted off my shoulders. Putting 100% effort in, whilst only getting 10% back was physically and emotionally draining me!

He's always been absolutely terrible with words - never EVER talks about his feelings so he's obviously never said he loved me or ever been able to reassure me so I just figured he didn't. Surely if you loved someone, you would make an effort to see and speak to your SO? I can appreciate 1million percent that actions speak louder than words everytime - but in an LDR, we can't get those actions (hugs, kisses, nice thoughtful gestures so words mean everything - hence why I found it so hard!

I am staying strong. I dunno if I can bring myself to delete our relationship status yet though on Facebook?! He's now showing it again by the way! We're on MSN together but I'm not really talking much as I'm busy. I'm just gonna have a Wii night with my mother as I am so cool like that, and leave him to it. He can get in touch with me tonight if he wants or tomorrow. It's upto him. I'm deleting his number so it's upto him to make the effort.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm now single. I will reconsider if he proves to me he can change and is willing to.

[aggie]

Oh my god, so sorry to hear about the split up. but Im glad youre dealing with it somehow.... Stay strong! Take care of yourself.
Being single gives you a chance to find the love of your life the one that will care for you all the time, not just sometimes.
Im probably being a little hypocritical here... but its because i really wish i could get over the break up as easily as you do...

Please, remember the things you didnt like about this relationship, and dont ever let them happen again ...


We DO care for you! *hugs*

[uk_girl]

I'm far from over it - but I've finally got into my stupid head, that I can't be putting in all the effort.

I'm getting lovely texts from guy friends telling me I'm a great catch, a lovely girl and deserve more - why could my boy have not said all these nice things?!

It's made me realise that I am a lot more insecure than I thought I was, and that I need reassurance and affection more than he could give me. Or anyone could give me that I don't see often tbh!

I'm sure you will come to terms with it in your own time Aggie - everyone is different and has different coping methods. Just keep positive about your life and spend a lot of time with friends - there's no substitute for a good girly get together!!!

[Tanja]

I'm sorry it came to this

It sounds like you did the right thing though and like you said a weight have been lifted from your shoulders... Enjoy this time you're alone and take care of yourself, play LOADS of Wii and hang out with your friends, you will get over this!

You deserve so much better than he can give you and maybe he'll realise that too and becomes the man you need him to be.. if not, then he's not the one for you and the right guy is still out there, waiting for you

Hugs and kisses! xxx

[uk_girl]

And once again, he texts me: "So you being a social butterfly then?"

Basically checking up on me...why does he care? Argh...

[Mio]

It looks like now he is starting to miss what he lost. But girl you got to be strong and talk to him straight!

[uk_girl]

Yup and I'm gonna stay strong and keep to my word

I'm on my phone and can't change to single on Facebook from here grrrrr.

EDIT : phone just rang, im half asleep in bed as its about 12.30am, didnt look who it was... Yup you guessed it. The boy acting like nothings wrong? I just gave 1 word answers and the convo was over in about a minute lol. Annoying!

[Sarah M]

my goodness! i'm so sorry. but at least you have our support. what you need to try and remember is that you have not, by any means, done anything wrong!!! you deserve so much better and i hope that you find it soon, or when it's right for you.

xxx.

[uk_girl]

Just kinda frustrated right now. After our phone 'convo', I texted him asking what was up as we've broken up now right and he called? He replied 'yeah?'.

So seemingly from the few texts we exchanged after that - we're still broken up, and he seems to think it's normal to text as though nothing's happened.

Now correct me if I'm wrong, but surely some time is needed to gain closure from the relationship - let's say a month or two of zero contact, before maybe talking again and becoming friends?

Why is he still talking to me - asking me where I am, what I am doing, what my plans are for tonight and when I don't reply to his text - why is he ringing me? My friend seem to suggest it's because he's shocked I've taken the break-up so well and is checking I haven't got someone else 'lined up' as that's what he asked Friday night when we split... Basically she suggested he doesn't want to be with me, but he doesn't want me to be with anyone else?

[Rach321]

It sounds like your friend is right. It could be that he's still attached to you, and doesn't want to let you go, but also doesn't want to put the effort into making the relationship right.

I'm in favor of a break of contact when things like this happen. However long it takes for you to feel completely separated from him. It may take a month, it may take longer. Otherwise, it's just too easy to fall back into the same patterns. You should probably call him and clearly tell him that this is what you need. Even explain (again, if needed) why you are okay with the breakup and the problems you saw with the relationship before. As long as you're not spiteful about it, there is no need to worry about hurting his feelings. He probably needs to hear it. I don't think he realizes that the way he approaches relationships is not how it should be done.

And stick with that break of contact, no matter how much you miss him. If you are meant to be together, a month (or two or three) of not talking is not going to get in the way of that. If you're not meant to be together, you'll only hurt your own process of grieving and getting over the relationship.

Hugs!!

[Andy]

It could be something like that. It's certainly a bit odd. Have you asked him to leave you alone for a while?

And by the way, did you talk about why you'd split up with him? If not I think it might be an idea to tell him why you can't carry on with things how they were and you'd like some alone time, for a little while at least. That should give both of you (but him especially) some time to reflect on what went wrong. After that... who knows?

I don't think it's fair what he's doing now though.

[Bluestars]

I completely agree with Rach321. From what I have read, you and your boyfriend have broken up several times, and every time he starts paying attention to you again after he acted like a jerk beforehand (sorry if that sounds harsh >.<). In order to help yourself get over this relationship and to make sure that you do not take him back like you have before, I think you need to cut off all contact from him. You need time to get used to being on your own and making yourself happy, and whenever he tries messaging you, he is making it harder for you to get over the pain you are going through.

If you feel comfortable with it, you could tell him that you don't want to speak for him for a while and ask him to stop contacting you because your relationship is over. When my ex-boyfriend dumped me last year however, I just deleted him off of my facebook and deleted his number out of my cell phone that same day without telling him. However, every time I got on yahoo mail I would get a message from him because although I deleted his name from my account, he still had my user name. At first, I would chat with him for a bit, but I would get really annoyed and end up just saying I had to go because I didn't want to talk to him. Finally, I just quit responding to his messages altogether because it was best for me. He wanted to still be friends, but I don't really think that is usually a good idea unless you were good friends for a very long time before you started dating. There is a difference though from being "friends" with someone before you started dating and being "friends that are headed towards a relationship from the very beginning."

So my advice for you is to cut all contact. I hope everything works out for the best! Try having some fun and doing some things you didn't have time for when you two were going out

[fcbella]

It sounds to me like he wants what he can't have, and it's driving him crazy.. making him wonder what you're up to, if there are other men, etc. etc.

Stay strong!! You know what he is like, and it would just worry me that he would go back to his old ways if he were to get you back.

[uk_girl]

And he's still texting me!

We'd normally be going to the football game together tonight but obviously aren't so he's making small talk about that.

I said I was looking forward to going and he asked why. I just said I didn't know (cos I dunno why - I just kinda am looking forward to it!) and he's now digging and digging for why I'm looking forward to going to it. Almost like he wants to know where I am at all times, who I'll be with, what I'll be doing.

Why couldn't he be this attentive when we were together?!

Definitely seems to be a case of "I don't want to work at making us work, but I don't want anyone else to have you"