Does he not believe in us?

[fineartsforreal]

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[Woweth]

Considering I’m of a similar age to you, and my boyfriend and I went through similar trouble before we met, I think I could be of some help.

My boyfriend and I had been friends for years, like you he’s also two years older than me, and it was two years into our friendship that we admitted we had feelings for each other. Well, I admitted it first, he felt the same, but didn’t think he would bother telling me because he couldn’t fathom a relationship working out due to the distance. For a few months we were kind of playing along as boyfriend and girlfriend but there was obvious tension because I was way more into the idea than him. Eventually, he would stop texting me as much, from several texts every day, to maybe three a week. It was awful, we were not in a serious relationship but it hurt nevertheless, my feelings were so strong for him, and I wanted to talk to him all the time, but he obviously didn’t feel the same. Around January of 2018, I’d eventually lost a lot of feelings about the ‘relationship’, I’d barely hear from him, and to be honest I was just over it. I sent him a very frank text telling him that whatever we had was over, and that he never gave us a chance to begin with so how would he know we wouldn’t work.

I don’t know exactly what happened, but something clicked. He finally seemed to understand what he put me through, and how negative he was being about the situation. We talked it over, and that was the real beginning of our relationship after that. Our communication got better, and we finally learned to be optimistic about the whole situation. We held on, and in 2019 got to meet. Several visits later and many weeks spent together, and we’re going very strong. His pessimistic attitude almost ruined our future, he doubted everything that could have happened, but we made it work regardless. We’ve had amazing time’s together and hopefully moving in together next year. It really did seem like odds were against us at first, we were so close to just dropping it, and if we did we never would have seen all we’ve managed to achieve as a couple.

It’s hard as hell, especially when you’re young and doing long distance, but it can work. I’m proof of that. If i were you, I’d just be frank with your boyfriend. Pour your heart out, let him see just how much you really are willing to put in to this relationship. Nine months to wait is not that long, we had to wait a year and a half before we could meet. Tell him all the things you have planned for the future and how you want him to be a part of it. If you feel it’s worth it, don’t listen to anyone else. Just because he’s unsure, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t still care for you, or can’t be persuaded. It’s a big commitment but it’s very worth it, you just have to sell it to him. Make it known, loud and clear, that you love him, and that distance nor time will ever change that.

At the same time though, if you do all these things and he’s still not sure, or continues to push you away, then you might just have to let it go. Every relationship has potential and you should try to seek it out, but it doesn’t mean you’ll always find it. If he really isn’t into it, there’s not much you can do but let him go. You can’t let it engulf your life. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you can change his mind. If not, well either way you’ll be just fine.

[fineartsforreal]

Thank you! However...

Considering I’m of a similar age to you, and my boyfriend and I went through similar trouble before we met, I think I could be of some help.

My boyfriend and I had been friends for years, like you he’s also two years older than me, and it was two years into our friendship that we admitted we had feelings for each other. Well, I admitted it first, he felt the same, but didn’t think he would bother telling me because he couldn’t fathom a relationship working out due to the distance. For a few months we were kind of playing along as boyfriend and girlfriend but there was obvious tension because I was way more into the idea than him. Eventually, he would stop texting me as much, from several texts every day, to maybe three a week. It was awful, we were not in a serious relationship but it hurt nevertheless, my feelings were so strong for him, and I wanted to talk to him all the time, but he obviously didn’t feel the same. Around January of 2018, I’d eventually lost a lot of feelings about the ‘relationship’, I’d barely hear from him, and to be honest I was just over it. I sent him a very frank text telling him that whatever we had was over, and that he never gave us a chance to begin with so how would he know we wouldn’t work.

I don’t know exactly what happened, but something clicked. He finally seemed to understand what he put me through, and how negative he was being about the situation. We talked it over, and that was the real beginning of our relationship after that. Our communication got better, and we finally learned to be optimistic about the whole situation. We held on, and in 2019 got to meet. Several visits later and many weeks spent together, and we’re going very strong. His pessimistic attitude almost ruined our future, he doubted everything that could have happened, but we made it work regardless. We’ve had amazing time’s together and hopefully moving in together next year. It really did seem like odds were against us at first, we were so close to just dropping it, and if we did we never would have seen all we’ve managed to achieve as a couple.

It’s hard as hell, especially when you’re young and doing long distance, but it can work. I’m proof of that. If i were you, I’d just be frank with your boyfriend. Pour your heart out, let him see just how much you really are willing to put in to this relationship. Nine months to wait is not that long, we had to wait a year and a half before we could meet. Tell him all the things you have planned for the future and how you want him to be a part of it. If you feel it’s worth it, don’t listen to anyone else. Just because he’s unsure, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t still care for you, or can’t be persuaded. It’s a big commitment but it’s very worth it, you just have to sell it to him. Make it known, loud and clear, that you love him, and that distance nor time will ever change that.

At the same time though, if you do all these things and he’s still not sure, or continues to push you away, then you might just have to let it go. Every relationship has potential and you should try to seek it out, but it doesn’t mean you’ll always find it. If he really isn’t into it, there’s not much you can do but let him go. You can’t let it engulf your life. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you can change his mind. If not, well either way you’ll be just fine.

Hey and thank you for your response and i'm glad u guys worked out!

However, i've done everything i can. He knows i love him so much and still know that we can make it work, but he wants to stop our relationship... for now (he didn't say this but i'm sure that he meant until we are able to meet) The only thing i can do last is beg, but i will not drop so low jut for someone who's still not gonna change his opinion no matter what i say. He's doing this to prevent future pain for us,, or so i li

After not texting him for an entire day and him also not sending anything, today we decided we're just gonna stay as friends for now because he really doesn't see long distance working out. Every time i want to talk about the issue he says 'can we not talk about this right now bc its hurting the both of us'
I've told him i want to not set myself open for a relationship until we meet but he told me basically that anything can happen in a year and i should not lock myself out from new opportunities.

i told him about my nightmare where we met and he had a new girlfriend and his response to that was "idk maybe i will maybe i wont we don't know" and i know, thats just how life goes, but it still sucks and it has always been my biggest fear that he'd ditch me for a local girl. I've tried my best but he really doesn't want to try again, unless i was magically able to meet soon, but he knows my situation and that that will not change. We still kinda text throughout the day but he only talks if i talk to him and doesn't want to talk about what i'm feeling. If i didn't love him as much as i do i would've just went ok never-mind this is a waste of time. But i know that if we're together irl things would be different. He can't be in a relationship right now, he tells me and that if i want to find someone else in the meantime that i should go for it. I know this is hard for him too and that he cares about me and would never intentionally hurt me, but he just let his fears take over which is sad but there's nothing left i can do except for move on and hope for the best.I've been really trying to cope with this the last days as this is my first ever breakup and i've lost over 2kgs in 2 days sadly


Again thank you for your response and i am genuinely happy for you guys and i hope u guys will have a great future together

[DoroxPena88]

I am sorry that you guys were having struggles, especially being so young and having it as your first relationship. It sounds like to me that he was scared of commitment via long distance. LDR is hard, yes it is not easy for many, BUT it can work if you both put in equal effort, have future plans set and love each other. It sounded very one sided, you were ready to put in the effort to go till you guys were able to meet but he wasn't. His insecurities also got the better of him, which can be damaging to any relationship. When my bf and I started dating he had the same attitude, he loved me dearly but always thought I deserved someone else and I repeatedly told him I wanted him.

LDR gives both parties a chance to grow as individuals and mature. I also was in this relationship and hiding it from my parents lol, we started at 15 & 16 and I knew they wouldn't like the idea. But we gave it a chance, and there were fears of what our future would be. Would we ever meet? Would my parents approve? etc. However, despite the small fears we both have mutual feelings and wanted it to work out. Fortunate for us, we made ongoing 7 years and were able to meet last year. Now we are back waiting to meet each other again, and while we have been stressed over covid we won't let that destroy what we have and will meet again, eventually closing the distance.

An important thing in an LDR is to make sure you are both on the same page. If one starts doubting hard, it won't work until you talk about your fears together. Communication is SO SO important. I am sorry that it did not work out, despite he did not take your fears serious, they are serious and you are allowed to feel upset over them. It is unfair for you to feel so many more emotions than he did about your overall relationship. If he does not want to wait or assure you that he would, then it would be best to let yourself heal slowly and move on to someone who will respect you and even wait for you.