OK, sadly, this is where I am at

[Hannah93]

2 years is a lot!
I am sure things Will change soon! ✌🏻🤞🏻
x.

H

[D_M]

Hi Vivid_Idea,
I think I side with your SO on this. The fact is none of us know what is going to happen. And it is all to easy to disappear down the rabbit hole and catastrophise (sp?) about what the future holds.
My relationship started in April and although we have a really strong connection, we haven't met yet. BEcause of Covid. We were recent;y talking and saying that if we had known how long Covid would keep us apart, we probably wouldn't be together now, we would have thought it's too hard. But we are both so glad we are together.
Sometimes is is better to keep your head down and weather the storm until the next sunny day and not think too far ahead.
Another thing Vivid is that there is a big push for vaccines now in UK and the US. The rest of the world will follow, so hopefully it will be faster than 2 years.
And another thing, (sorry this is a bit messy) but I also found in my relationship, things were most stressful when we were getting close to a "possible" opening up of borders. So there is a good reason to not focus on the "when".
But good luck with it all. The uncertainty of Covid is so hard. When it's all over, we'll probably all have a good cry. Not because we're weak, but because we're all having to be so strong for so long to get through this.
Take care.

[vivid_idea]

Thanks guys.

I think we can all find ways to work on ourselves and our lives in the meantime, to make our circumstances better for when we can unite with our SOs. For me, that's focussing on my work, and continuing to strengthen my family unit (I have two kids and we are still reorganising our life since my separation 2.5 years ago. Also, getting my kids more used to the idea of spending time with my SO. They did meet him on his last trip here. It didn't go so well, but with lots of positive conversations, they are warming to the idea of him being around more.

What things do you guys have/want to do (in the meantime) to help your life come together with your beloved?

[OhioJim]

....Sometimes is is better to keep your head down and weather the storm until the next sunny day and not think too far ahead....

Just remember that storms don't last forever.

Unless you live on Jupiter, that is. The storm there has been going on for several hundred years now. But I don't think anyone on here lives on Jupiter, do they?

[autumn1790]

Just remember that storms don't last forever.

Unless you live on Jupiter, that is. The storm there has been going on for several hundred years now. But I don't think anyone on here lives on Jupiter, do they?

At this point in 2020, if someone said I was living on Jupiter, I wouldn't question it.

[D_M]

Just remember that storms don't last forever.

Unless you live on Jupiter, that is. The storm there has been going on for several hundred years now. But I don't think anyone on here lives on Jupiter, do they?

No THAT's what I call a long distance relationship lol

[D_M]

Thanks guys.

I think we can all find ways to work on ourselves and our lives in the meantime, to make our circumstances better for when we can unite with our SOs. For me, that's focussing on my work, and continuing to strengthen my family unit (I have two kids and we are still reorganising our life since my separation 2.5 years ago. Also, getting my kids more used to the idea of spending time with my SO. They did meet him on his last trip here. It didn't go so well, but with lots of positive conversations, they are warming to the idea of him being around more.

What things do you guys have/want to do (in the meantime) to help your life come together with your beloved?

I've been learning to dance. And no-one saw that coming. Least of all me!!

It's very hard with kids added to the mix too. My son (from prev marriage) reacted badly when he found I was in a new relationship. He said it was too soon and we've had very little contact since. It's a complicated layer of additional stress to deal with.

[OhioJim]

....My son (from prev marriage) reacted badly when he found I was in a new relationship. He said it was too soon and we've had very little contact since. It's a complicated layer of additional stress to deal with.

I think that when someone says something like that, they are thinking about themselves.

There are different ways of "grieving" and each of us does it in our own way and our own time. I know for myself, my late wife was sick for such a long time that I knew what was coming and was able to get most of my grieving done ahead of time.

So it may be too soon for your son, but not too soon for you.

[vivid_idea]

I've been learning to dance. And no-one saw that coming. Least of all me!!

It's very hard with kids added to the mix too. My son (from prev marriage) reacted badly when he found I was in a new relationship. He said it was too soon and we've had very little contact since. It's a complicated layer of additional stress to deal with.

I think learning to dance would be a lot of fun!

Can I ask how old your kids are D_M? Mine are 9 and 11. It definitely hasn't been easy for everyone with our LDR, but I think we are getting better.

[vivid_idea]

No THAT's what I call a long distance relationship lol

Lol. Sometimes, all we need is a bit of perspective, right?

[vivid_idea]

I think that when someone says something like that, they are thinking about themselves.

There are different ways of "grieving" and each of us does it in our own way and our own time. I know for myself, my late wife was sick for such a long time that I knew what was coming and was able to get most of my grieving done ahead of time.

So it may be too soon for your son, but not too soon for you.

I agree here with OhioJim. And I understand how complicated and sensitive it can be with children. For a long time I felt very selfish because I was going against the wishes of my kids by continuing the LDR with my SO. The guilt made it very stressful, for everyone. I did realise that I was ready for this happiness, and that I also was entitled to it. At the end of the day, I will always be a loving Mum to my kids. But I also want to show them how I can be brave to go after my own happiness, too!

[OhioJim]

I agree here with OhioJim. And I understand how complicated and sensitive it can be with children. For a long time I felt very selfish because I was going against the wishes of my kids by continuing the LDR with my SO. The guilt made it very stressful, for everyone. I did realise that I was ready for this happiness, and that I also was entitled to it. At the end of the day, I will always be a loving Mum to my kids. But I also want to show them how I can be brave to go after my own happiness, too!

I will tell you it was such a big relief when I realized that there is no point in trying to make everyone happy, if I myself was miserable. Because it is impossible to make everyone happy. That is putting them in control of you.

Don't worry about what others think. Concentrate on your own happiness.

[D_M]

I think that when someone says something like that, they are thinking about themselves.

There are different ways of "grieving" and each of us does it in our own way and our own time. I know for myself, my late wife was sick for such a long time that I knew what was coming and was able to get most of my grieving done ahead of time.

So it may be too soon for your son, but not too soon for you.

Thanks OhioJim. That actually makes a lot of sense to me. You're dead right.

[D_M]

I think learning to dance would be a lot of fun!

Can I ask how old your kids are D_M? Mine are 9 and 11. It definitely hasn't been easy for everyone with our LDR, but I think we are getting better.

It's funny, dancing is ok, but when I think about how much fun it will be with my OS, that's when I enjoy it and really appreciate it.

My son is 16 and his difficulty in this, and I think his mother's input, has made things very tough for me the last 6 months or so. I'm hopeful of things gradually returning to normal over Christmas or the new year.

[vivid_idea]

I will tell you it was such a big relief when I realized that there is no point in trying to make everyone happy, if I myself was miserable. Because it is impossible to make everyone happy. That is putting them in control of you.

Don't worry about what others think. Concentrate on your own happiness.

It took me a while to really believe this. But I am at this point now, and the liberation that comes with it is overwhelming.