Does your SO’s bad moods affect you?

[LisaS]

Whenever my boyfriend is in a bad mood, it really gets me sad and depressed. Like yesterday I was looking forward to talking to him on the phone but when I did, he just seemed grumpy and quite. I asked if everything was ok and he said yes. This happens sometimes when he’s stressed out at work but I always take it so personally. When communication is all we have in a LDR, it really disappointments me when we can’t have a nice conversation. Let me know if any of you deal with this too and if you have advice.

[OhioJim]

I would say that in any relationship this would happen, local or long distance.

Nothing new to this, and it is not just you. It can take a lot of effort to take two different people and put them together as a cohesive unit.

[MsGrim]

I think this happens to everyone. The best thing you can do is remember that it's not your fault and he probably doesn't mean to make you feel that way too. The reality is, everyone will have bad days every now and then... Give him an extra bit of love and support to make him feel better. It'll benefit the both of you <3 My favorite thing is knowing that I cheered my SO up when he was feeling down.

[LisaS]

I would say that in any relationship this would happen, local or long distance.

Nothing new to this, and it is not just you. It can take a lot of effort to take two different people and put them together as a cohesive unit.

That’s actually a good point, I dealt with this even when we were living together in the same city! Thanks for the perspective.

[LisaS]

I think this happens to everyone. The best thing you can do is remember that it's not your fault and he probably doesn't mean to make you feel that way too. The reality is, everyone will have bad days every now and then... Give him an extra bit of love and support to make him feel better. It'll benefit the both of you <3 My favorite thing is knowing that I cheered my SO up when he was feeling down.

That’s so true! I need to work on reminding myself that everyone has bad days and to be more understanding. Thanks for the advice!

[Bestisyettocome]

So relatable. And while I know we all have bad days I still find it hard to not take it personally when he’s in a bad mood or goes quiet. I have abandonment issues and any change from his usual enthusiastic and flirting self make me worry that he’s pulling away. I drive myself crazy with the bad thoughts in my head sometimes

[OhioJim]

.....I drive myself crazy with the bad thoughts in my head sometimes

Don't we all?

[LisaS]

So relatable. And while I know we all have bad days I still find it hard to not take it personally when he’s in a bad mood or goes quiet. I have abandonment issues and any change from his usual enthusiastic and flirting self make me worry that he’s pulling away. I drive myself crazy with the bad thoughts in my head sometimes

Now that I think about it, I may have abandonment issues too that is probably not helping the situation. I’m also highly sensitive to how people are acting, which can be a good thing since it helps me relate to people better but it’s very hard to not spiral into darkness with negative thoughts. I’m working on noticing that they are just thoughts and not the truth but it’s a work in progress! I hope you are also working on finding comfort yourself. Sending virtual hugs and positive vibes your way!

[Redheart14]

I’ve closed the distance with my now husband and his moods definitely impact on mine, so you’re not alone there!

[vivid_idea]

Oh yeah, I think it's natural to automatically feel affected by our SOs moods. It takes your higher brain to come in and override your ego, reminding you that it's not always about you. I know that is easier said than done! I struggle when our conversations don't play out the way that I hoped they would. For example, I might have hoped for a fun and playful conversation but it ends up being serious because of things he has on his mind, or his mood...

Remind yourself that it's really great that he can (at least!) communicate with you when he is in a bad mood. This shows that he cares enough to warn you. Some people just shut down and shut others out, which can be really damaging. We all have bad moods sometimes, but I think we feel our SOs moods very acutely over the distance, because we rely on verbal communication so much. Let's face it, long distance can be very hard sometimes.

Do you have a hobby you enjoy which you can focus on when your SO is in a bad mood and needs space? That could help relieve some of your stress.

And don't worry, I think we ALL are affected by our SOs moods at least some of the time!

[Bestisyettocome]

Thanks Lisa. Sending positivity and strength to you also and hope your SO is feeling happy again soon!

[ambercoolade]

Yes, this happens to me quite a bit. Actually, it happened to me yesterday when I had had a really long day and was super excited to finally speak with my boyfriend. He was having some family issues that his little brother had caused and he let it upset him literally ALL night. I tried to sympathize with him and offer him advice, but all he could say was a bland "thanks". I took it personally that he wasn't cheering up or appreciating my advice, but I honestly think that it's just a human thing. Sometimes people are in a funk and we have to learn to accept that. It really sucks, but what you're feeling is perfectly normal! I just personally try my best to stay in a neutral mood and just end the conversation early if I know I can't help the situation.

[Rezie]

I do this everytime. If my bf is in a bad mood, I take it perosnally andd go through everythign I could have done and bug him for andwers. However, if I'm in a bad mood that the rules are completely different

[LisaS]

Yes, this happens to me quite a bit. Actually, it happened to me yesterday when I had had a really long day and was super excited to finally speak with my boyfriend. He was having some family issues that his little brother had caused and he let it upset him literally ALL night. I tried to sympathize with him and offer him advice, but all he could say was a bland "thanks". I took it personally that he wasn't cheering up or appreciating my advice, but I honestly think that it's just a human thing. Sometimes people are in a funk and we have to learn to accept that. It really sucks, but what you're feeling is perfectly normal! I just personally try my best to stay in a neutral mood and just end the conversation early if I know I can't help the situation.

Omg thanks so much for sharing, that’s exactly how I feel! Like if he’s stressed out about something, I’ll try to make him feel better but if he’s not receptive to it, I do end the conversation early to give him some space. Thank you for your understanding

[LisaS]

I do this everytime. If my bf is in a bad mood, I take it perosnally andd go through everythign I could have done and bug him for andwers. However, if I'm in a bad mood that the rules are completely different

I’m glad I’m not the only one who does this, I totally bug him for answers too sometimes! I try to stop myself though lol.