LDR Depression

[meowowow]

Hi. I'm 19F and my bf is 24. He is my first boyfriend and we've been in a LDR for almost 2yrs now. I know this sounds crazy but we still haven't seen each other yet and my parents don't know (they'll kill me if they knew) and only some of my friends know (since im sure the ones who doesn't know won't agree to this).

We met in an online game and have been in a relationship since then. I've always dreamt of seeing him and the long wait is killing me but I try to wait patiently since he said he'll find a way. We're both working and I would really love to visit him there instead but I'm sure my parents won't allow me. I've been in a tight position for 2 years.

I always find myself crying and feeling sad before going to sleep so I try to distract myself through work and playing games. I try talking to him about it and he tries to assure me that he will come to visit me, so the problem is seriously me😢 He is a very sweet and nice guy. Always listening and supports me in everything I do. However, when he started working, he became very busy and it makes me feel so empty inside. Saying our goodmornings and goodnights like it's just some forced routine. Nothing exciting at all since I was so used to it. I always felt like there was something missing in our relationship. Negative thoughts keep popping inside my head like, 'is this really worth it?', 'do you really think he's the same guy you see in the chat/videocalls?' and 'do you understand what you've been doin for the past 2 yrs?'

I just wanted a normal and happy relationship like most girls have and I knew I signed up for this. I'm tired but I love him and I don't want to lose him. (Wait- do I really love him? Or only the one on chat/vc? What about the real him?).

If I think about all these things, I'm sure to get crazy. I looked it up on the internet and it says I have LDR Depression or not (I may be just overthinking and a little too paranoid). Does anyone here have this too? How do you cope with it and what can you suggest me to do with my situation? All your answers would be gladly appreciated💕

[Woweth]

Hey, I noticed we’re in a similar age range, I’m 18 and my boyfriend is turning 20 this year. My boyfriend and I met when I was 12 and he was fourteen on this international pen pal site that was meant to find people who speak different languages so you could learn from each other, he’s American and I’m British, but we ended up talking anyway XD. We were friends for around two and a half years, until I was 14 and we started talking more frequently, and realised we had feelings for one another. Like you said, you know what you’re signing up for, but it’s a big commitment, especially at such a young age, it’s hard enough when you’re older. The hardest part was getting people’s acceptance at first, but being honest to my family was key. I told my parents from the very beginning, rather being secretive as I knew they’d think it was untrustworthy if I was hiding it. I don’t know what your relationship with your parents are, but I would guess you assuming they’d massively disapprove probably contributes a lot to how you’re feeling. I wanted more than anything for my family to accept my boyfriend and our relationship, and as expected they were sceptical at first, had their doubts, and were very apprehensive, but after almost two years of online dating, we met for the first time when I was 16. The months leading up to him coming was very bittersweet, as I was so worried about my family’s judgement, and what they would think, combined with my own worries, and what he would be like when he wasn’t behind a screen. Skip two years later to now, he’s met my family tons of times, my parents now view him as like one of their own, they love him and my family is very accepting, it’s kinda hard to imagine how we started off.

So, I guess I’m hoping by telling you our success, it might give you encouragement to come clean to your own parents. I would assume it’d be quite difficult for him to come visit if your parents don’t know about him, assuming you still live with your parents, and at least personally I’d feel like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders by telling them. I know most people who do LDR are quite a bit older so they don’t have to deal with their parents stopping them, but understandably when you’re our age that can be a major problem. As long as your communication with him is good, and you feel strong enough to get through future obstacles, and you feel you can trust who he says he is, then you should be okay.

My boyfriend works a lot too and is super busy, I’m waiting to join college so I’ve kinda got a lot of free time right now and that makes it all the much harder as I feel I’m just waiting around for him to talk to me, which can cause friction. I know the feeling of wanting a more traditional relationship like people around you, and I have my moments where I wished that too, but to be honest, as he is my first ever boyfriend, I don’t know what it’s like to have a partner living local that I can visit daily and see often, so in that sense I don’t have anything to compare. The distance, time zones, and waiting times suck, but I actually find LDR to have more depth than a normal one, the weeks leading up to him arriving, the excitement and suspense at the airport after months of being apart, the first exciting days, getting used to one another again. It’s hard to get bored of each other that way, and I feel you appreciate the time together so much more. Hopefully with time you’ll get what I mean, as those truly are the amazing aspects of an LDR that I try my best to focus on. Two years is a very decent amount of time to be doing this for, no easy feat, so I’d say to wait it out until a visit is possible. Are you both in different countries or just in different parts of the same country? I do find that the latter is much easier in the long run, as there’s no significant time zone changes, and you wouldn’t have to worry about visa issues in the future. Anyway, best wishes, hope things start looking up soon.

[meowowow]

Thank you so much for the advice! Our situation is somehow really the same. I have a good relationship with my parents but they can be too overprotective. I'll try to find the courage to tell my parents about my situation and I'll introduce them to him soon when the right time comes! Also, my boyfriend and I are from different parts of the same country. It's amazing how you and your boyfriend is from different countries and is still going strong! Congratulations! I hope you will soon close the distance and be together <3