he cheated

[KyleTheMan]

*Sighs* I do honestly believe that when it comes to men they are either going to cheat on you, or they will beat you. That's the good ones. The bad ones do both. I'm trying to have more faith than that, but, well it's slow going. I am very sorry this has happened to you.

*pops up* Hey! I'm a man and i think both of those things are unforgivable!! XD

To the OP. I'll echo what the others have said. You're very strong to endure this and i hope things get better for you. I personally wouldn't be so forgiving but it shows what kind of a good and optimistic person you are to forgive and forget even in times this hard.

[NikkiP]

I guess the only thing that would bother me is that he initiated it. Way to be forgiving. I have a line and once you cross it you're sort of stuck on the outside. He's really lucky!

[elina]

While I admire you for being so strong and willing to try and get through this, I don't think I could ever forgive something like that, or have that same trust back. Like people have said, you can't really know how you feel until you're put into the situation, but this is how I feel about it, without having gone through something like this. I would be crushed, devastated, heart-broken and I don't know how I could recover.

What I find weird and so wrong (not that any of the cheating was right) as well is that he initiated it. He asked for the kiss and him "thinking" she'd say no is not an excuse of any kind. He could still easily not have kissed her. He could not even have asked a stupid thing like that in the first place, let alone thought about something like that.

I don't know.. I feel pretty strongly about cheating and I just don't think there is an excuse for it. A "weak moment" is not an excuse, to me, neither are hormones or a rough patch in a relationship. If you can't handle the stress and want to go kissing other people, do it after you've broken up with your girl/boyfriend.

My opinion, I don't mean to hurt anyone and I'm sorry if I somehow did. I hope everything works out for the best for you. You're really strong for doing this, I can only imagine how much you're hurting.

[underthewater]

Hi OP, I feel sorry for you. But I think as long as you're very sure it's no more than a kiss, give him another chance, have a "real chat" with him and make this an opportunity for your relationship to grow.

My boyfriend told me about a week ago that he's tempted in the new city, and he wanted to talk. We're talking face-to-face next week. I think if they come back to you with truth and/or guilt, it means they still want to make the relationship work. Cheating in LDR is a lot easier to be covered, if I ever cheated on my SO and admitted it, I must have realized that my relationship had big problems and I wanted to fix it.

[LadyMarchHare]

What I find weird and so wrong (not that any of the cheating was right) as well is that he initiated it. He asked for the kiss and him "thinking" she'd say no is not an excuse of any kind. He could still easily not have kissed her. He could not even have asked a stupid thing like that in the first place, let alone thought about something like that.

I agree. No one asks anything expecting 'no' right out, otherwise you wouldn't ask. And if he hadn't been sure she'd say yes he knew it would have created an awkward moment. A kiss is a kiss and apparently it's all they did (hard to believe, but I know it happens) but it's still a form of dishonesty to the relationship even if you don't wanna call it 'cheating'.

[stacyrose]

I believe there are no excuses, and believe me I was in shock when I found out exactly HOW it happened and the fact it was all him, however for me, being the first time this has happened to me, I finally understand how difficult it is to decide what to do and where to go with the relationship when something like this happens. I would want the same chance given to me had the situation been reversed, because I don't think a person should be condemned forever for one mistake. I believe in giving someone at least the chance to change, and if a mistake is made again, THEN I would call it quits. It was a stupid, heartless and awful mistake, but I'm grateful he told me, because if he truly honest to God wanted to cheat and get away with it, he would never have told me. We've had talks about this and he knows the trust needs to be earned back. Today he just paid for me to go visit him in a little over two weeks and I feel its definitely what we need....rekindle that spark and that physical contact and put the pieces back together because its just so difficult from so far away.

[LadyMarchHare]

I believe there are no excuses, and believe me I was in shock when I found out exactly HOW it happened and the fact it was all him, however for me, being the first time this has happened to me, I finally understand how difficult it is to decide what to do and where to go with the relationship when something like this happens. I would want the same chance given to me had the situation been reversed, because I don't think a person should be condemned forever for one mistake. I believe in giving someone at least the chance to change, and if a mistake is made again, THEN I would call it quits. It was a stupid, heartless and awful mistake, but I'm grateful he told me, because if he truly honest to God wanted to cheat and get away with it, he would never have told me. We've had talks about this and he knows the trust needs to be earned back. Today he just paid for me to go visit him in a little over two weeks and I feel its definitely what we need....rekindle that spark and that physical contact and put the pieces back together because its just so difficult from so far away.

Well as someone said we can never be sure how to react until we're put in the situation. You're doing what you believe is right, which I have to respect you for. It was indeed a mistake that he obviously regrets since he told you, but it was a pretty messed up one. I wish you guys the best of luck.

[Bluestars]

Today he just paid for me to go visit him in a little over two weeks and I feel its definitely what we need....rekindle that spark and that physical contact and put the pieces back together because its just so difficult from so far away.

I am glad he is doing that for you because I was just thinking that he needs to fly out to see you and do everything he can to make it right. Being together in person will probably help you guys resolve a lot of issues and will be a good way to start moving on. Like others have mentioned, I think you really have your head on your shoulders and are going about this the right way--especially when you said if he ever cheated again you would not put up with it.

[skinbyrd85]

I agree with Nikki and Elina - what makes me really queasy is that HE initiated it. SHE didn't - HE did. SHE went along with it which, assuming she knew he was in a relationship, is definitely not right. But HE initiated it. And I also agree with someone else (was it Moonwalker?) who said that being male does not give him a get-out-of-jail-free card for what he has done. Your gender is no excuse - cheating is cheating.

That said, I don't believe the once a cheater always a cheater thing. Some people do stay the same way because they're too gutless to look at themselves and make the effort to change; others, like my little brother, recognise and admit that they screwed up, genuinely regret it and are sorry for what they did, and make the effort to change and do everything they can to take responsibility for their actions and the consequences.

Good on you for being strong and trying to work it out. I think its too easy to go "oh this is hard, I give up". I know if Adam cheated on me, I wouldn't leave him because he's my soulmate and I love him too much, but I'd sure give him hell and I'd probably go and smack the girl in the face too. (I'm VERY stroppy. :P ) I guess you've got to just follow your heart and your gut instinct on this one. LDRs are hard and really do test the strength of the relationship and the bond you have with each other. My two cents worth are that if it were me, I'd make my boundaries very clear, and I'd make it clear that the trust is gone and he had to work extremely hard to earn it back.

Good luck with everything. I hope that it does all work out and that you both end up happy, and I hope he is one of the strong ones who does take responsibility for his actions and try to mend what he has done. Make sure you look after your OWN needs first before his though, because you are a beautiful, special individual and you deserve only the best from life and from your partner. IMO, if he wants to be with you then he should recognise that and make the effort to treat you like a princess. Keep us posted, I hope everything works out.

[Mio]

I hope your relationship keeps on working!

[stacyrose]

Thanks for all the love and opinions guys. I'll definitely keep you posted when I come back from my visit in two weeks <3

[amandamayaaa]

i'm really sorry that that had to happen to you

and i'm going to be completly blunt here.. sorry.. but you shouldn't be making any excuses for him

just because you two were going through a rough time, does not give him any right to do what he did

i really hope you work things out

[stacyrose]

i'm really sorry that that had to happen to you

and i'm going to be completly blunt here.. sorry.. but you shouldn't be making any excuses for him

just because you two were going through a rough time, does not give him any right to do what he did

i really hope you work things out

Like I said before, I didn't give him any excuses, I just told the story how he told me, so in no way do I think what he did or his reasons for it are acceptable in any way. Just to clarify =]

Although I am definitely too forgiving and understanding for my own good, and I know that if the roles were reversed, I would want him to take me back and forgive me too. I had to look at it from a variety of angles.

[Riyko]

I commend you for giving him another chance and yes I have to agree if you've never been in that situation before you won't know what to do until it happens to you. I've been cheated on not once, but twice by the same guy so I understand exactly what your going through (I won't go into it). I will say it will take a while for that trust to be built up and even then the trust may not be built up 100% for a long time, it just depends on both of you and how you can work on the trust.