I'm not sure what to say to him...

[ashleecarol]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 years. He lives all the way in Florida and I live in the middle-of-nowhere Oklahoma, so we have quite a distance. I am a sophomore in college and he is a junior. We are reaching that point of what happens after college.

We had plans to be together after high school, but due to $$$...well, you can figure out that without causing major financial issues on one of us that we would have to wait it out for a few more years. That was a big downer.

Now, we are reaching an end to that road, at least for him. Due to expense, I still live at home with my mom but I'm in college! I am not ashamed of it since I'm only 20 years old. She has sent out the offer that if he wants to finally close the gap between us and come here for his Masters that she will house him for free. She would be more than happy to take him in until he and I have money for a place of our own within the year or so after he arrives. She even offered to help him move all of his stuff here from Florida!
However, when I mentioned this offer to him, he seemed to blow it off as if he doesn't want to talk about it. I don't want to push it on him because I understand that this is a BIG transition and it isn't like we haven't discussed moving before. He has told me that he will move to be with me and that he loves Oklahoma. Maybe he is surprised at how quickly all of this got here? I don't know how to bring it up again, in fear that he'll just blow it off again with another "yeah, sure" and nothing else. Btw, it isn't a confident/enthusiastic "yeah, sure" either...

I would hear opinions or if anyone has any advice of how I could handle this situation, please ! It would mean a lot! Thanks!!

[Darth_Taco]

Ever heard of a guy being made fun of for being a "kept man"? Most likely, this was an embarrassing offer for him. It doesn't mean he doesn't want to be with you, but you gotta understand that the thought of your mom supporting him as a grown man is likely something really humiliating for him. It's a pride thing. Of course, I don't know him so I can't say anything for sure. I'm just saying that if it were me, I wouldn't want to live with my significant other's mother without contributing anything to the household. I'd feel like a bum.

Before I forget, no he probably doesn't think that you guys are insensitive or trying to embarrass him. It's just that, what guy wants his girlfriend's mom to pay for everything while he feels he'd give nothing in return? It's like if you offered to pay for everything on a date, it just isn't done. You two will have to talk about this in more detail to see what his feelings are over the offer.

[LadyMarchHare]

Darth has a point.

Guys like to do things themselves, pay for things themselves, and plenty see that sort of opportunity as 'charity' when it's just you trying to help. My SO acted similarly when I offered to get him a job where I am and help move him with money I had saved up. It wasn't that he didn't want to, it was the fact he didn't want it done for him.

To be sure and not put words in his mouth, so to speak, maybe try asking him why he had such a reaction if he was distracted, not feeling well, or the idea struck a nerve. His reason may be different than any of us could say and it would answer some questions straight from the horse's mouth.

[Mio]

It may have been a shocker for him at the first instance. But if you would really like to talk about it with him, I think you should tell him from the very first moment that you need to talk about something really important. That by just talking about it it doesn't mean it will happen so. and keep on considering the matter in a considerate and open way so you can both arrive to a happy point for everybody. Best wishes girl!!!

[paulawriteslove]

I think you need to let this all soak in for him. He might not want to be supported by your mother since he is a grown man. Don't force anything on him, just talk to him about it and give him some time.

[ashleecarol]

Thank you all for the responses! I definitely understand that pride may be an issue but he doesn't mind being supported by his own family, but I have to look at it from his perspective. If his mother gave me that offer and how it would make me feel. You've all given me a lot to think over and thank you!

[MissShortie]

I agree with the posts before me, and if it were me I would probably ask him what he would like to happen

[greeneyes]

I do think that part of it is an ego thing. He probably feels odd accepting the offer from your mother. Another thought it that he is overwhelmed. 7 years is a long time, and to finally be looking at the end of the long road. To know he is going to graduate, be with you... It is a lot to soak in. I think that you should give him some time. You put the offer on the table and obviously it was too much for him to process at the time. Give him till after the New Year and bring it up again. Guys are not planners like us women. Where we need a plan, they need to mull things over. Sometimes till the last minute

[Zephii]

Just talk to him, and don't take "yeah, sure," as an answer. Find out what the problem is, and if there's a compromise. 7 years is a bloody long time.

@ Darth. You're living in the past man! Chicks have the right to pay for everything on a date if they want and I know several who do

[Karringtyn]

None of us can guess what is in his head...you need to ask him and find out...because until you do...you will have all sorts of scenerios filling your mind.

Most likely he is very overwhelmed...
7 years. WOW! Good luck hon!

[Darth_Taco]

Just talk to him, and don't take "yeah, sure," as an answer. Find out what the problem is, and if there's a compromise. 7 years is a bloody long time.

@ Darth. You're living in the past man! Chicks have the right to pay for everything on a date if they want and I know several who do

I never said it was wrong for a woman to pay for things! I make my female friends pay for shit all the time since I'm poor (and slightly sexist ;D). I'm just saying, a lot of guys still live with my mentality. Enrique only let me start paying for stuff when I came out of the closet to him :P.

[LadyMarchHare]

Thank you all for the responses! I definitely understand that pride may be an issue but he doesn't mind being supported by his own family, but I have to look at it from his perspective. If his mother gave me that offer and how it would make me feel. You've all given me a lot to think over and thank you!

There's a difference between your own kin and in-laws/girlfriend's parents. The latter judge you, even if they're nice to you and like you. Their priority is the happiness of the one you're dating and if you fumble, game over. Plus, some people would feel like they'd need to monetarily pay them back or do something huge to pay them back. It's a stresser.

[kraut]

Take it from a college senior who is still making choices about grad school and closing the distance on a relationship, it is hard! You don't know what the right decisions are, but all of them present their own risks and benefits. Just be patient and let him figure out what he feels is best for him, his future career, and your life together. Then you can discuss it. *listens to my own advice*