SO isn't listening anymore

[OwenXAbbey]

Hi everyone, I'm having a bit of a problem with my SO lately and just wondering if anyone here can offer some advice

Christie and I have been together for 9 months now and it's starting to feel like she isn't listening to me... I dunno, we talk all the time on facebook and msn, but for some reason it feels like she just doesn't care as much anymore.

For example, I told her that I was going to be home from work last weekend and that I wanted us to spend some time together. She said ok but she made plans with her friends anyway and we ended up not spending any time together at all I don't want to make her feel bad for hanging with her friends, but I really want her to take my feelings into consideration more....

Anyone else ever have this problem? And if so, how did you fix it?

[Zephii]

My SO Obi is very forgetful, so for a long time I thought he either wasn't listening or just didn't care. Really, he just forgot. That's irritating, but I can deal with it. Reminding him seems to help, so maybe you need to remind Christie when something gets closer.

Tell her how you feel, and ask how she feels as well.

[XX, Lexi]

Luke's forgetful too. The last online date we were supposed to have, he forgot about. Now, whenever we make plans with each other, It's usually in advance, but I always try to remember to remind him about our plans for that day, so he doesn't go out with his friends.
I second Zephii's advice. I would talk to her and tell her how you feel and see how she feel as well. Reminding her would help too.

[OwenXAbbey]

Thanx so much for your advice, guys. Reminding her a day or two before would probably be helpful =) I guess I was just starting to feel like she was getting bored with me and would rather spending time with her friends that are actually there... that's the 1 thing I hate about being in a LDR =|

[amandamayaaa]

yeah being in a LDR can cause a lot of confusion, overanalyzing, and many emotions

sometimes you would do things that you wouldn't think would be a problem, but they are

i've done sort of the same thing before where my boyfriend and i made plans to just have a me and him night on skype, and i ended up hanging with my friend instead

it had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with the fact that i cared less, but sometimes it's weird because even though he's on skype, i have to realize that "skype dates" are just as important as regular human interaction because my boyfriend and i can't see each other in person without flying on a plane, or traveling really far.. so skype is all we have for the most part, so it's not fair to punish him for the distance when it isn't his, or my fault

so i learned my lesson and realized it wasn't fair what i did to him

you should def talk to her though, communication is key in a relationship, even more so in a LDR

my boyfriend and i have really strong communication, and tell each other everything and anything that bothers us, and it's a really good thing

don't be afraid to tell her how you feel, she may not realize what she's doing is effecting you

[OwenXAbbey]

@ amandamayaaa- Yeah I can see that communication is going to be key in this relationship... I just have a hard time expressing myself. I hope I can find a way to bring this up without sounding like a jerk. Thanx again for your advice!

[amandamayaaa]

there probably will be times when you're going to come off as a jerk

my boyfriend and i have run into that problem before, don't be afraid to say how you feel, it's better to let it out there.. then be bothered by it and never let her know
just understand that if you don't tell her.. she might not realize it's a problem

communication is key, and in a LDR you need to make sure you set your boundaries so to speak, and let her know what upsets you

don't go into it with attitude or start yelling at her right away.. believe me, i've learned it does not do any good.. just let her know in a serious but understanding way

[Karringtyn]

@ amandamayaaa- Yeah I can see that communication is going to be key in this relationship... I just have a hard time expressing myself. I hope I can find a way to bring this up without sounding like a jerk. Thanx again for your advice!

Until this relationship...I never communicated and it was my downfall each and every time. That is why our relationship is so strong...we talk!

[mynameiseric]

yeah, so I'm the boyfriend Amanda is referring to lol when she "ditched" me, I felt like she was punishing me for the distance and that our plans dont matter as much just because I can't be with her. But I told her it bothered me, she understood and hasn't done it sense.

she knew because I told her and communicated with her, sometimes it comes back to bite you because you end up argueing, but for the most part communication is a great thing

[amandamayaaa]

Until this relationship...I never communicated and it was my downfall each and every time. That is why our relationship is so strong...we talk!

yes exactly! in any of my past relationships i was always too afraid to say how i really felt because i didn't want to start any arguments, and i was too passive about the whole thing

this relationship is a whole new ballgame

i tell him how i feel no matter what, even if i think it's going to annoy him, i feel so much better after i tell him, and i've never been so blunt before, and i feel so great about it

i know at the end of the day he loves me no matter what.. so why not tell him how i really feel

[paulawriteslove]

She could be forgetting and not doing this on purpose. Just tell her how you're feeling and everything should go well

[LadyMarchHare]

Hi everyone, I'm having a bit of a problem with my SO lately and just wondering if anyone here can offer some advice

Christie and I have been together for 9 months now and it's starting to feel like she isn't listening to me... I dunno, we talk all the time on facebook and msn, but for some reason it feels like she just doesn't care as much anymore.

For example, I told her that I was going to be home from work last weekend and that I wanted us to spend some time together. She said ok but she made plans with her friends anyway and we ended up not spending any time together at all I don't want to make her feel bad for hanging with her friends, but I really want her to take my feelings into consideration more....

Anyone else ever have this problem? And if so, how did you fix it?

Totes didn't read the other replies (short attention span today) so scuse if I repeat anything.

Have you mentioned this to her? If not, tell her calmly, "I feel you aren't listening to me anymore. When you do this, I feel hurt." Like that. Not "You're not paying attention." Express your feelings but don't place blame or make a statement like you've assumed she's doing this definitely because she may be forgetful. If that's the case, suggest she use her phone's calender feature if it has one to program your time together in and alert her an hour or so ahead so she can say, "oh, I can't see a movie tonight, I'm going to be with my SO."

She does have a right to be with friends, but if you both agreed on a set time to spend together, that means you come first unless it's an emergency so you have the right to be upset.

[NikkiP]

Until this relationship...I never communicated and it was my downfall each and every time. That is why our relationship is so strong...we talk!

Sometimes I feel like I over communicate in this relationship! lol. Soo important.

How far in advance are you making plans?

[Mio]

Everybody is right, some ones just forget, so you can try the suggestions above. But if you feel she doesn't improve, talk to her about it!

[Andy]

Next time make it impossible for her to forget

Count down the days with her until you get to see each other again, even if it is for just a day or 2, make plans of what you're going to do together. Then the only thing she'll be thinking about is how many hours until she sees you again

But would also tell her how you feel about her not listening, she might not even have noticed this. Things like this can just sort of happen in an LDR without you noticing until your SO says something about it, especially after you've been together for 9 months.

Like others have said, I can't stress enough how important communication is in an LDR, it's hugely important.

Best of luck!