Now im really pissed!!!!!

[Caitlin2009]

I HAVE HAD IT WITH DENISE'S PARENTS!!!!! Have fucking had it!!! The only reason i dont PM her mom is because i know it would make things worse and Denise would be upset, today they apparently called her up and straight out told her they werent gonna come to the wedding and proceeded to give her a hard time about everything in general after that including money issues which she is trying to have worked out, and kept going on and on about how it wasent traditional to get married to me, she barely knows me, shes gonna regret it later on, ect ect and i HAVE HAD IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF THEY DONT WANNA COME FINE I DONT WANT THEM TO COME ANYWAY IF THATS HOW THEY ARE GONNA ACT!!!!! I had sit there and listen to her cry on the phone and that broke my heart because i couldnt do anything about it If i know them i know they are gonna be pissy for awhile and then call her up and apologize, even if they do im not sure i would want them there in the first place!!! SHE'S FUCKING HAPPY FOR ONCE IN HER LIFE AND THEY CANT BE HAPPY FOR HER!!!!! just ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!!!!


ETA: they didnt call her today which was a good thing, im hoping they dont for awhile and she can be happy again, because when we were planning our wedding she got the giggles with the mere mention of it and she hasent been like that since they gave her a hard time, i told her the next time they call her to stand up for herself and tell them to stop trying to control her life, she's afraid she'll lose them completely if she says that to them which made her cry again *Sighs* i hoping she does do that because i dont want them butting into our lives when we do get married!

[Silviar]

Her parents are driving the wrong way down a one lane street, honey. I'm so sorry, for both of you. I hope for Denise's sake she finds a way to limit her time with them and finds her own happiness. She certainly has with you.

[LadyMarchHare]

It sounds like Denise needs to disown her parents, whether just by cutting off communication or legally. Either way, boundaries need to be set because reading your threads through the month(s) and such they're nothing positive for her and no one deserves that level of Hell, y'know?

[Caitlin2009]

yeah i know, but since they are her parents she wont do it and keep telling her over and over if that was me saying all that, or a friend she would cut them out of her life without another thought but since they are her parents she wont do it and up until last year they were supportive of her, i dont wanna tell her to disown her own family that wouldnt be fair for me to say that, but i know when they do come around they will keep hinting at her to cancel it, just like they did when she was gonna see me! I dont get it because they were all for her being bi sexual and us as a couple, were gonna get married and suddenly they change direction with there opinions :/ and my parents are more supportive of it then they are even though my parents are confused as to why i "chose that lifestyle" *rolls eyes* they like her alot and want me to be happy and move out on my own and start my own life, they are trying to control hers and for gods sake she's 31!!! i mean if they come around and wanna go then great i will be civil with them but as for liking them completely thats out of the question

[Èternity]

What does Denise say to them when they say things like that to her?

[Caitlin2009]

she tries to tell them whats really gonna be happening and how things are gonna work out, but they dont normally wanna hear it and by the end of the phone call she's extremely upset, i wish she would tell them to back off and let her live her own life!

[Casey]

While its tough now, is it possible that they are having issues dealing with her sexuality?
I have a lot of gay friends and all of their parents have had different reactions.
Perhaps they assumed it was "a stage" and are now freaking because it is obviously going to be permanent.
Perhaps they need time to adjust to it all and it would be tough on them because they obviously haven't met you.
I think a lot of parents regardless of the sexuality issue would be concerned if they hadn't met their future son/daughter in law.
Perhaps they think its happening all too quickly?

Either way, its just their opinions and it shouldn't change what you do. As you said its her family and she won't cut them out, which is fair enough. Perhaps they just need more time and they just need their concerns to be reassured?

Anyway I dunno? I know a lot of my mates have had issues introducing their same sex partners to their parents, but it usually is short-lived once they get to know the partner and get used to the idea of their sexuality.

[Èternity]

Do they catch her off guard? I mean some parents ring and launch into it before you have even had a chance to say "hello". My mother can be like that.

How would Denise feel if you both worked on some phrases that she could just say (like a broken record)? (I wrote mine down near the phone because I could never think of them fast enough) Both of you will know what words are natural for her. Something like...

"Mum, I know you want the best for me which is why you are so concerned. (breathe) You've helped me and been so supportive of my choices in the past. (breathe) It's my turn now to show you I can make my own decisions in life. Please show me the same trust I've shown you."

and repeat. I used to say it three or four times in a conversation. My concern is that unless you nip this in the bud now you will be getting these phone calls for a long time to come.

[Caitlin2009]

Do they catch her off guard? I mean some parents ring and launch into it before you have even had a chance to say "hello". My mother can be like that.

How would Denise feel if you both worked on some phrases that she could just say (like a broken record)? (I wrote mine down near the phone because I could never think of them fast enough) Both of you will know what words are natural for her. Something like...

"Mum, I know you want the best for me which is why you are so concerned. (breathe) You've helped me and been so supportive of my choices in the past. (breathe) It's my turn now to show you I can make my own decisions in life. Please show me the same trust I've shown you."

and repeat. I used to say it three or four times in a conversation. My concern is that unless you nip this in the bud now you will be getting these phone calls for a long time to come.

yeah they pretty much do, it starts with sarcasm and then it goes from there, i do like that idea actually and when she goes to the library tomarrow i will show her this idea, she has never given them a reason to ever distrust her so i dunno why they are acting like this

While its tough now, is it possible that they are having issues dealing with her sexuality?
I have a lot of gay friends and all of their parents have had different reactions.
Perhaps they assumed it was "a stage" and are now freaking because it is obviously going to be permanent.
Perhaps they need time to adjust to it all and it would be tough on them because they obviously haven't met you.
I think a lot of parents regardless of the sexuality issue would be concerned if they hadn't met their future son/daughter in law.
Perhaps they think its happening all too quickly?

Either way, its just their opinions and it shouldn't change what you do. As you said its her family and she won't cut them out, which is fair enough. Perhaps they just need more time and they just need their concerns to be reassured?

Anyway I dunno? I know a lot of my mates have had issues introducing their same sex partners to their parents, but it usually is short-lived once they get to know the partner and get used to the idea of their sexuality.

funnily enough when she told them she was bi sexual they already knew and were fine with it, they were fine with it when they mentioned to people that we were partners, they do think its happening too fast because we "barely know each other" and its like we have been long distance for almost 2 years now, too fast would be if we had decided to do what were gonna do a few months after we told each other we loved each other, i know we werent ready then but i feel in my heart were ready for this now, i dunno quite frankly im ready to tear them a new asshole if i ever saw them in person, i mean they eventually came around with her stand up which they had the same reaction a year ago and now they support her with it, maybe they will with this i dont know, but frankly at the moment if they didnt come it would be better off!!!

[Talent_2]

Im so sorry to hearing they are giving her so much grief when you obviously make her very happy.

I went through a similar argument with my dad when i was 16, i was dating a much older man and me and my dad had a huge fight and he basically gave me an ultimatum the guy i was seeing or him! but i stood my ground and carried on seeing him, my dad refused to trust me for years and even refused to meet the guy for about 4 years. It was very hard to stand up to him.

As hard as it it now she needs to stand up to them now otherwise they will always dictate how she should live her life, she obviously loves them and appreciates their opinions but in the long run it will be her parents that will miss out on some of the happiest days of their daughters life, which is a real shame.

It must be driving you mad not being to help other than just listening to her talk about it, but stay strong for her, she will love you all the more for it.

I hope it all works out for the two of you

[MissShortie]

If I were Denise I would say that I don't want to not talk to them or to cut them out of my life, that I know they care and love me, and that I understand they don't agree with what's going on in my life, but they can't control my life but let's try to agree to disagree, it's better then cutting one another out of each others lives,

to try to find a mutual ground so that no one gets hurt?

I don't know, it sounded better in my head... for all I know she may have already said something like this to her parents, I just wanted to try to help =)

[Caitlin2009]

Im so sorry to hearing they are giving her so much grief when you obviously make her very happy.

I went through a similar argument with my dad when i was 16, i was dating a much older man and me and my dad had a huge fight and he basically gave me an ultimatum the guy i was seeing or him! but i stood my ground and carried on seeing him, my dad refused to trust me for years and even refused to meet the guy for about 4 years. It was very hard to stand up to him.

As hard as it it now she needs to stand up to them now otherwise they will always dictate how she should live her life, she obviously loves them and appreciates their opinions but in the long run it will be her parents that will miss out on some of the happiest days of their daughters life, which is a real shame.

It must be driving you mad not being to help other than just listening to her talk about it, but stay strong for her, she will love you all the more for it.

I hope it all works out for the two of you

i do make her happy and i know i do, shes not the same person she was when i first started talking to her because when i first talked to her she had no light in her eyes or her face, and she practically glows now. She has changed so much in the past year and half and im so proud of her but it breaks my heart that they dont see that in her! according to them she's being selfish and doing things for only her....and hello duh people its her fucking life and her destiny shes supposed to be doing that, and for gods sake she's been in a few abusive relationships before she met me and they never let her do anything except when they wanted, whether it was from sex, or general decisions it was all about them she never got a say, and now she's free to do what she wants and they are calling her selfish, and she is the exact opposite of that! i have never met a person so eager to care of people before they think of themselves, she runs herself ragged sometimes because she wants to take care of people. does that sound like a selfish person to you?

If I were Denise I would say that I don't want to not talk to them or to cut them out of my life, that I know they care and love me, and that I understand they don't agree with what's going on in my life, but they can't control my life but let's try to agree to disagree, it's better then cutting one another out of each others lives,

to try to find a mutual ground so that no one gets hurt?

I don't know, it sounded better in my head... for all I know she may have already said something like this to her parents, I just wanted to try to help =)

lol dont worry that sounded fine and yeah i will tell her that as well

[Talent_2]

i do make her happy and i know i do, shes not the same person she was when i first started talking to her because when i first talked to her she had no light in her eyes or her face, and she practically glows now. She has changed so much in the past year and half and im so proud of her but it breaks my heart that they dont see that in her! according to them she's being selfish and doing things for only her....and hello duh people its her fucking life and her destiny shes supposed to be doing that, and for gods sake she's been in a few abusive relationships before she met me and they never let her do anything except when they wanted, whether it was from sex, or general decisions it was all about them she never got a say, and now she's free to do what she wants and they are calling her selfish, and she is the exact opposite of that! i have never met a person so eager to care of people before they think of themselves, she runs herself ragged sometimes because she wants to take care of people. does that sound like a selfish person to you?

It really doesnt!! from your previous post she seems like a real sweetheart.

Its a shame parents can be soooooo infuriating. You have obviously helped her to get her confidence back but it may be because of her previous relationships that they are being overly protective and judgemental?

Have they met you yet? if not maybe arranging a visit so you can meet them would help :s

[Caitlin2009]

It really doesnt!! from your previous post she seems like a real sweetheart.

Its a shame parents can be soooooo infuriating. You have obviously helped her to get her confidence back but it may be because of her previous relationships that they are being overly protective and judgemental?

Have they met you yet? if not maybe arranging a visit so you can meet them would help :s

they actually dont know half of what she has gone through with her other relationships, they know somethings but not everything she wont tell them because she thinks it would scare them but on some level i think they do know somethings. And she really is a sweetheart shes the most loving, caring, sweetest, gentle person you will ever meet, shes very easy to get along with and she has the personality that draws everybody to her which is a good thing but sadly thats how she got to be with her ex's O_o with all the crap she has been through she is still a very loving sweet person! they havent met me yet no i think it would help but heh like i told her if i did see them i would have to bite my tongue to not say any of the things i wanna say to them

[Talent_2]

they actually dont know half of what she has gone through with her other relationships, they know somethings but not everything she wont tell them because she thinks it would scare them but on some level i think they do know somethings. And she really is a sweetheart shes the most loving, caring, sweetest, gentle person you will ever meet, shes very easy to get along with and she has the personality that draws everybody to her which is a good thing but sadly thats how she got to be with her ex's O_o with all the crap she has been through she is still a very loving sweet person! they havent met me yet no i think it would help but heh like i told her if i did see them i would have to bite my tongue to not say any of the things i wanna say to them

Just wanted to say if my SO spoke about me half as beautifully as you do about Denise i would be a very happy girl, she is very lucky to have you as you seem completely in love with her and extremely supportive

I can understand you wanting to give them a right ear full dont think anyone would blame you! but until they actually meet you they may not think of you as real, if that makes sense?

I hope they realise just how great their daughter is before they push her away completely.

How long til the wedding? Is there enough time to give them some space from Denise and you to meet them before it happens? Im sure they'd love you if they met you