If it's not complicated... it's not a Relationship

[LeilaniJoi]

Someone posted this on Facebook the other day and my SO and I were laughing about how true it really is. It seems like no matter how well you plan, there is always some complication. It may be jobs, money, children, ex's, legal matters (such as divorce) or whatever. I know we have plenty of our own complications and we are happy together.

What are some of the complications in your relationship and how are you working through them?

[lucybelle]

I mean all of life is complications- trying to find jobs, deciding what type of food to buy, when to exercise, when you have to miss a party because of a work meeting, etc. So obviously, relationships will involve complications too.

[Romeo s Juliet]

well i agree, life is full of complications, my personal life is cause i m thinking what i wanna study what job i wanna be doing but the title of this post kinnda confused me, if a relationship is complicated i dont think i ll be in that relationship, me and my SO always solve every thing regarding us as it happens. so a relationship that is full of complications i kinnda dont like the sound of it :/

[nickki]

My SO was supposed to be flying in tomorrow to visit me for 10 days & today he had to cancel his flight. I'm pretty sad and disappointed. I supposed I'll get over it & hopefully he can reschedule the trip soon.

[Haley53]

Am I the only one who chooses not to see them as obstacles? Or even those in life? Challenges, maybe, opportunities, yes, but obstacles, no.

Currently, the big one we're faced with is the fact that his mother passed away several months ago. It led to him moving out on his own, becoming the legal guardian over his teenage brother, with whom he's struggling immensely, and he's simply trying to figure everything out, the way I suppose we do whenever we're hit with a tsunami of change and upheaval. We're still not certain how it's going to effect our plan for closing the distance, but I suppose we don't need to figure that out currently.

Other than that, I can't say we've had any major life complications. :/ I have a pretty good job that's allowed me to maintain visits - not frequent ones, no, because I have school, but I don't consider that a challenge the way some people might. I feel that in grad school, things might get a bit hectic though. It's a couple years off, and we're discussing more of a plan during my working holiday next year, as far as figuring out how it's all going to work (or at least when to start applying for a visa), but given that I'll be interning, hopefully working, and maintaining a full graduate-level courseload, I'm guessing things are going to be tough/hard to figure out for a while. But I suppose we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

[lucybelle]

Am I the only one who chooses not to see them as obstacles? Or even those in life? Challenges, maybe, opportunities, yes, but obstacles, no.

I totally agree. I was about to reply differently at first about how relationships don't have to be full of conflict, but then I realized that the OP said "complications" which is completely different. Every day I have complications- traffic jams, forgot to get copies of a worksheet, tripped and hurt my foot... those don't make life suck, those make life life. If I didn't have any complications I would lead a damn boring life. Just like if my SO and I didn't have differing opinions on which movie to watch or what kind of ice cream to buy, it would be really boring. So- complications are important and actually fun in my opinion

[LeilaniJoi]

Challenges are another way of looking at it what i was referencing mostly was complications or challenges such as planning a move to CD, how kids and job factor into that, in our case the kids and job are not the issue but wanting to move forward and still being legally married although we have both been separated for a year and a half.

Another big challenge of ours is communication because I'm a talker and he is not.

Definitely if you are unhappy more than you are happy in a relationship some soul searching needs to be done. Every relationship comes with it's own set of challenges or complications that are not deal breaking but take some compromise and work on both parts.

[Sora1101]

Lets see, money issues for the both of us that makes visits near impossible, and the whole being long distance thing those are the only serious complications in my relationship everything else seems perfectly uncomplicated.

[Filly]

Our biggest challenge is getting our own place. As it stands now I can't have him stay at my home because I don't want my son exposed to our relationship as yet and there is just no space. He's staying at his mom's house where he has is own room but I don't see how's that going to work for us all the time. He said he would be getting his own place when he gets home and I guess we'll have to see how that is going.

[blankita719]

Career issues are probably neck and neck with my house as a complication in our relationship. I bought my house 4 months before we got back together because I was tired of waiting for my life to fall into place by itself. And then he comes to visit me and we wind up here nearly 2 years later. I can't sell my house for another few years due to terms in my mortgage and because of a tax credit I took advantage of after buying the house. I understand renting it out is an option but not one I want to consider unless it's my last resort. I'm pretty proud of buying the house on my own and not a big fan of the thought of giving it up.

[Shepard-Fowkes]

Life IS complications and challenges :P.

Anyway, our main ones right now are money and immigration. He's unemployed and so am I (but I'm still in school) so saving for visits is a bit scary. And a hurdle that we'll have to face soon is immigration. Closing the distance will be really hard because we're an international LDR.

[Carenza LaRue]

o....we have a lot of things to deal with before we can close the distance.

money- due to taking my ex to court, I am short in money and I don't want him to pay for me
children- will they get along?
ex partners- my ex isn't too keen on seeing his daughter move 4000 miles away
jobs- will I find a job in his country
immigration- what things are required

then he has some personal issues to work out for himself .... and I have a few of my own
and WE have some personal issues to work out together

hahahah..... is it doomed to fail? I wonder about that sometimes...
but then we skype, he tells me a stupid joke or we talk about serious things.... and I can't help myself but thinking 'yeah, this is the man I want to grow old with'
and suddenly all is well.

Amazing what love does huh?

[triste]

Another big challenge of ours is communication because I'm a talker and he is not.

My SO is a very quiet man. You know the book of 1000 questions? I haven't read it, but I think I asked the entire thing on our first few dates. He still teases me about the drilling...well, he said nothing! We had known each other before we started dating, so I knew him...just really had to work hard to get him talking. So, phone calls are a bit of a struggle, depending on how tired he is, or I am. We talk daily, or should I say, at least I talk In his defense, he is the one who calls me, as I never quite know his schedule.
Other complications, well, like Blankita719 mentioned, I also have a home, well, a condo...yes, ouch. I cannot get rid of it and since my SO only has a year contract right now...moving after him would not be smart, as I have a good job, my family and my son is well established in school, friends. Depending on his application this Fall, we will find out next Winter where he will hopefully go...and hopefully that will be for a seven year residency, and not just one more year...which would really be difficult.

[Malaga]

Yeah, at this point what complicates our relationship the most are our jobs. He gets very little time off, way less than me. As a result, I'm the one visiting more often, but we only get to spend evenings and weekends together. Still better than nothing.
Money isn't so much of an issue, we both could afford to visit more frequently than we do. Jobs/careers are also a complication when it gets to planning to close the distance. Some major decisions will have to be made in the next six months or so, and that puts us both out of our comfort zones. Even though we know that's the only way progress is made really, it's still hard to get on with it.

[NikkiDeAnn75]

Another big challenge of ours is communication because I'm a talker and he is not.

I'm glad I don't have that problem. My guy is a huge talker. I think I knew almost everything there was to know about him within the first few months. I'm the one who has problems with communicating. I'm just glad he's patient.

As for complications, we don't have too many of them. We get along great. Much better than I ever have with anyone else and I think that is because we spent so much time talking to make sure we were compatable. We do worry that our daughters won't hit it off and that is a complication, but one we will be able to work through. Other than that, I just hate being away from him.