I'm having a bit of a hard time this morning. Posting this here because maybe someone can give some insight without going all teenager on me about it. The truth is, I don't know whether I should be upset or if I'm just over reacting - which is what my SO says it is.
The situation is this. My SO has a friend that he's been good friends with for some time online. She lives in the Netherlands and is planning a trip to the US in August. Part of that trip she will be in our area and wants to come and visit us. Now, we don't have room in the house for her to stay here (thankfully) and normally I wouldn't care about friends visiting, but this one... I'm just not so sure about.
I was introduced to her recently and we got to talking about life, men, and experiences in general. I gave probably more information than I should have about my SO and I, but I don't really have anyone here to talk to about things and she gave me some good insight on some things that had been worrying me. Of course, some of that got back to my SO and while he wasn't mad, some of the things she said came out twisted back to him. Things like I'd love to see him tie his hair back into a ponytail sometimes came out as I hated his hair. Or at least that's how it came back to me when he mentioned it. Once all of that got straightened out more or less, the communication with her stopped. She will respond via messenger if I say something, but never initiates the conversation like she did for those few days. She still talks to my SO a lot via messenger of course I guess the whole purpose of her talking to me to begin with was to make me feel more comfortable with her coming to visit but honestly, now I'm not so sure.
Honestly, I'm not sure what to think. I don't know if she was fishing for information, or if she was genuinely trying to help or if there was some ulterior motive at work. I know I can be over reactive and over sensitive about things.... those I'm trying to work on within myself. Most of the time I'm pretty good, but last night he made the comment that she wanted to a ride on the bike when she visited. Now, it's his motorcycle and no I don't care if she is taken for a ride on it but the comment when I jokingly said maybe because it was my seat (a joke he's played into with everyone else) was something along the lines of "it's a bitch seat.. that means any bitches".
Now, on face value I know I"m overreacting here... I live with him and have for a year now, we share bills, pool money, have bought one used car and were talking earlier in the day about when we'd trade that car in and buy a newer car... talk all the time about things we are going to do to the house and about eventually moving out of this house into one with some land. So I feel secure with him, but in reality what do I really have?
We are both still married, and while I have my paperwork drawn up and ready to file, he hasn't even started on his. He still has his ex's name tattooed on his leg and he knows how I feel about it but hasn't moved to cover it with anything. I don't know... I feel on one hand like this friend visiting is just another in a long list of reminders that realistically I'm "just the girlfriend", I mean... I can't really say no she can't visit. On the other hand, we do live together, share things as partners and I know he loves me... but this kind of stuff really makes me very insecure and unsure about things.
What I WANT to do is to quietly tell her that she might be his friend, but I'm his partner and she needs to remember the boundaries and not try to play us against each other in the spirit of "helping". What I will probably do is just hold out until she's here and gone again and be thankful it was a short visit.
I honestly think I need some Xanax... smokes just aren't cutting this kind of worry anymore.
The situation is this. My SO has a friend that he's been good friends with for some time online. She lives in the Netherlands and is planning a trip to the US in August. Part of that trip she will be in our area and wants to come and visit us. Now, we don't have room in the house for her to stay here (thankfully) and normally I wouldn't care about friends visiting, but this one... I'm just not so sure about.
I was introduced to her recently and we got to talking about life, men, and experiences in general. I gave probably more information than I should have about my SO and I, but I don't really have anyone here to talk to about things and she gave me some good insight on some things that had been worrying me. Of course, some of that got back to my SO and while he wasn't mad, some of the things she said came out twisted back to him. Things like I'd love to see him tie his hair back into a ponytail sometimes came out as I hated his hair. Or at least that's how it came back to me when he mentioned it. Once all of that got straightened out more or less, the communication with her stopped. She will respond via messenger if I say something, but never initiates the conversation like she did for those few days. She still talks to my SO a lot via messenger of course I guess the whole purpose of her talking to me to begin with was to make me feel more comfortable with her coming to visit but honestly, now I'm not so sure.
Honestly, I'm not sure what to think. I don't know if she was fishing for information, or if she was genuinely trying to help or if there was some ulterior motive at work. I know I can be over reactive and over sensitive about things.... those I'm trying to work on within myself. Most of the time I'm pretty good, but last night he made the comment that she wanted to a ride on the bike when she visited. Now, it's his motorcycle and no I don't care if she is taken for a ride on it but the comment when I jokingly said maybe because it was my seat (a joke he's played into with everyone else) was something along the lines of "it's a bitch seat.. that means any bitches".
Now, on face value I know I"m overreacting here... I live with him and have for a year now, we share bills, pool money, have bought one used car and were talking earlier in the day about when we'd trade that car in and buy a newer car... talk all the time about things we are going to do to the house and about eventually moving out of this house into one with some land. So I feel secure with him, but in reality what do I really have?
We are both still married, and while I have my paperwork drawn up and ready to file, he hasn't even started on his. He still has his ex's name tattooed on his leg and he knows how I feel about it but hasn't moved to cover it with anything. I don't know... I feel on one hand like this friend visiting is just another in a long list of reminders that realistically I'm "just the girlfriend", I mean... I can't really say no she can't visit. On the other hand, we do live together, share things as partners and I know he loves me... but this kind of stuff really makes me very insecure and unsure about things.
What I WANT to do is to quietly tell her that she might be his friend, but I'm his partner and she needs to remember the boundaries and not try to play us against each other in the spirit of "helping". What I will probably do is just hold out until she's here and gone again and be thankful it was a short visit.
I honestly think I need some Xanax... smokes just aren't cutting this kind of worry anymore.
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