considering moving but what about daughter?

[temporaryuser]

49% doesnt have to be court mandated. It can be joint or shared custody, where each parent has them for the half the week, thus eliminating child support. Joint custody can also eliminate the need for child care expenses.
IMO, once a child is in school, this type of situation can be difficult for a child. They dont get to see friends outside of school regularly, as they are with one or the other parent. Differences in parenting styles can come into play as well

[Kerry]

you have a lot of things to consider. how serious is your relationship with your girlfriend? do you see long-term potential or a marriage in your future? since you have 49% custody would it be possible for you to take more time with your daughter during the summer and school vacations and fly her to see you? I'm wondering... is there an age limit of when kids can fly solo? on a couple of the flights I was on last year kids flew alone. I think you need to think of what makes you happy and see if other concessions can happen. good luck!

[Tanja]

As a parent I can't really tell you to go ahead and move and have a clear conscience about it. Cause I know I wouldn't. And that's why I haven't. My SO moved to me but couldn't handle living in here so he moved back. I have no intention to follow him because of my daughter so we are LD again for at least another year.

We have talked about me moving to him once my girl is big enough to go to college or move out to study. But I just couldn't leave her behind before that and I certainly couldn't drag her away from her friends and her dad. If I have to communicate via Skype and email with someone it'll be with my adult partner, not with my 11-year old.

Ultimately the decision is yours though and this is just my opinion.

[Gelfling]

So, we're all here because we are or were in a long distance relationship. It sucks, right? An adult is capable of making decisions about the distance and understanding that it isn't personal, etc. A child doesn't have those advantages, though. They're stuck with whatever decision you make, and with the child you are actively choosing to move away which is a hard thing to understand even for adults. At least with romantic LDRs, the distance is a matter of chance that happened before the relationship (admittedly, college can be a different situation).

[lewisloria]

i have a similar predicament, my SO is 4 hours away. i have an 18 year old daughter that lives with me and is about to have a baby, and a 13 year old daughter who lives with her dad in the same town as me. technically, i have majority custody, but she asked to move in with him this past december and i have allowed her to do that. my older daughter is due in october and i want to be around to help her of course, but i'm considering moving 4 hours away early next year. any thoughts? i plan on seeing my girls every other weekend if i do, but am i a horrible mother for thinking about doing this? i have been with my SO for over 2 years. i want to move there because that is the town i want to eventually end up in.

[notyourexgirlfriend]

i have a similar predicament, my SO is 4 hours away. i have an 18 year old daughter that lives with me and is about to have a baby, and a 13 year old daughter who lives with her dad in the same town as me. technically, i have majority custody, but she asked to move in with him this past december and i have allowed her to do that. my older daughter is due in october and i want to be around to help her of course, but i'm considering moving 4 hours away early next year. any thoughts? i plan on seeing my girls every other weekend if i do, but am i a horrible mother for thinking about doing this? i have been with my SO for over 2 years. i want to move there because that is the town i want to eventually end up in.

Your case is very different. Both of your children are at a cognitive age where they can better understand your wanting to move. It would be something you'd have to sit down and discuss with both of your children. It would still be a tough decision for me to leave but if you're moving within close enough proximity to play an active role in your younger child's life (the older is of adult age and not so much a concern) then I wouldn't see issue with it.

I do see issue with the OP because the child is still rather young and unable to understand why their parent would want to move. 7 is such a critical development age for children and to add in abandonment issues to that would be catastrophic.

For those of you that don't already know, I was successful in my custody hearing and did obtain majority custody which means my daughter is now living with me instead of her father who is about 2500km away. My LDR SO and I have discussed this outcome and it has worked out in our favour as far as booking trips to see each other is concerned. He knows that if I were to up and leave here now it would be a very big issue.

[ham1056]

Thank you all for your input, advice. Not sure I can answer all your questions or even care to do so. I wouldnt have posted if not expecting the good & bad, I can take the positive & negative, certainly respect both sides. I am active in my daughters life right now & IF I move in 6-8 months, would plan to have her visit once a month (4-6 days) & then a month in the summer. At the end of the day, I just wouldnt be as involved in her life as I am now. I can move easier then my SO, as financially makes sense for both of us, her pension (state hospital), sell my biz & off I go. As a small biz owner, i have no pension & hers would be to big to give up plus I took a pounding in divorce, friends & financially, so other then daughter no ties to city at all now. Yes, my SO & I are considering the M word, wer not 25, so have to be real & both know we are absolutely perfect for each other, so of course has been discussed at length. Its like I was never knew what love really was until we met. I guess I keep exploring all options & back to court to see if I can have this type of custody & go from there, if not then all probability would stay & give up the only true love I think I have ever known

[Haley53]

Is there no way to even put off for a few more years? I simply can't understand why someone would give up involvement in their daughter's life, when she's 7 and hardly able to understand why daddy didn't want her more than he wanted the new woman. Maybe I don't see it because I don't see where love should trump, well, anything that's significant in your life (I don't believe people should drop out of school to be with their SOs at once, give up on their careers for their SOs, or sacrifice their involvement with their children. I believe if it's meant to work out between two people, if they love each other that much, then they will work around it without it involving a sacrifice that has as many consequences as it does rewards, i.e. leaving a 7-year-old child is different than moving, say, countries, which is also a huge sacrifice but has fewer dire consequences). I feel like anytime there's children involved, both people should realise that comes with a certain number of limitations, and I don't feel it's fair for her to expect you to leave your daughter behind, when you're more involved than most fathers are (Skype and the phone do not compare to physical and in person involvement), for the sake of her finances, when the medical field is an incredibly flexible field. I don't think your happiness should come at the expense of leaving your daughter with once-a-month involvement - though I have to wonder how you can see her for more than a weekend when she has school...? I can't imagine anything but home/online schooling would allow her 6 days of leave once a month - and a month in the summer, but I'll admit, having been more or less abandoned by mine (we saw him more when we were mandated by the courts during their divorce), I have somewhat of a bias. I really do hope you think long and hard about this decision, simply because while you deserve to be happy, I still think children need to be heavily considered.

[lewisloria]

i appreciate your input!