Opinions on my situation

[Softy]

Hello there wonderful ppl!

I'll try to make this story quick.
I want opinions, am I too panicky and I should calm down? Or should I worry?


Met my bf online, we have met only once in Feb 2012.
We couldn't meet again for now because we are both having financial issues.
I lost my job, took me 7 months to find a new one and it doesn't pay too well.
I'm in Canada and my man is in TX.

Here goes,

We were suppose to close the distance in December 2012.
He told me that he applied for the visa and got refused.
I asked for what reason( s)?
He said 'federal debts'.
He said that we have to push back the date to close the distance.
I asked 'when do you think we would be able to close it?'
He said 'I don't exactly know, but soon, I have debts to pay'.
Then I asked, for what kind of Visa did you apply?
He said 'I think Work Visa'.

So....
Now... I became a tad suspicious....
When you apply for a visa, you know which one you apply for.
And can one be refused for 'federal debts'???


I think he didn't apply but he's scared to disappoint me?
Or he's totally playing?

I don't know what to think...
I'm a lil sad and depressed by all this : (

I've tried to talk to him and he only said 'I'm trying baby'.

So yah...

What to do..

[lucybelle]

Ummm I'm not familiar with visas to Canada, but that sounds like total BS to me.

Also, I'm pretty sure there is no work visa from the USA to Canada. That's like between OZ, Canada and the UK.

You should look it up and educate yourself.

[Moon]

Yeah, like lucybelle said, you need to read up on this yourself and figure out if his story is crap, or not. I think you probably can be denied if you're in a lot of debt, it makes sense, but you should read up on the specific conditions for applying and getting a Canadian visa, and what's available to US citizens.

[Softy]

Yes, I will read up more.
I was leaving it up the bf because he told me: 'Don't worry about the visa, I got this'.
But apparently he doesn't so, I'll have to see myself.

I had a visa before, was a 'working-holiday' visa.
I guess like lucybell said, it's a canada thing.

I have no clue about from US to Canada.
Will check that out before I talk again with the bf...

[MadMolly]

You guys need to work on what visa he's getting *together*. Educate yourself so you both know the requirements and you can understand everything. I suspect he didn't apply for anything and he's freaking out about the time running out so he made up a story so he didn't have to say "actually I never applied for a visa" and get caught out in a lie. Just do some research of your own and suggest the types of visas he'd be eligible for and work on it together.

[Mura]

Ouch I feel some tension in this thread....

I honestly want to give the guy the BOTD. As for work visas with Canada and the US, I don't know, I don't think there is one, but then again I don't know :P

but seriously maybe he was looking into the wrong thing or misunderstood parts of the process. You should both work together on it and hopefully get everything straightened out soon.

[Kiyama]

That sounds a bit strange and I would be suspicious here. However, visa stuff can be daunting and it takes a lot of patience and determination to go through with it. Maybe he was overwhelmed with everything and is too embarrassed to tell? I wouldn't jump to the worst conclusion just yet.
Look into it yourself and then talk to him in a reasonable tone. Be nice and make sure he doesn't get defensive otherwise you might not get anything out of him. And if he really is too much in debt, he was probably also embarrassed. It doesn't excuse it but it is an explanation. Communication is the key here and especially for the future!

[Dezface]

In my opinion the "I think it was a work visa" gives it away. The visa process is challenging and you definitely know what you're applying for. Maybe he doesn't want to move yet because of his debt so that's his go to reason. Talk to him, educate yourself on the whole thing, and confront him with facts. If you still feel he is lying, ask to see the receipt for the visa application fee. Or I'm assuming he would have access to some sort of record online (although I'm unfamiliar with the Canadian visa process.) See what he has to say but get to the bottom of it.

[digitalfever]

He should know what he's applying for. Applying for a visa is expensive and time consuming. I think you should have a serious talk with him about whats going on.

[Tooki]

I have the feeling that your BF lied to you. It's not like he can just realise that he has federal debts either.

[leonsfangirl]

I'd have a serious google session and find out for sure. I know they refuse Visa's in the UK if you have serious debts against the NHS (National Health Service) so the debt thing may be legit but its the "i think" that has me abit concerned, you'd know what visa you applied for.

[Softy]

Ouch I feel some tension in this thread....

I honestly want to give the guy the BOTD. As for work visas with Canada and the US, I don't know, I don't think there is one, but then again I don't know :P

but seriously maybe he was looking into the wrong thing or misunderstood parts of the process. You should both work together on it and hopefully get everything straightened out soon.

Indeed, I come to ask for opinions and/or help because I'm feeling down and what i get is 'Educate yourself!'.
Sure, it's a matter of also myself getting more information but it's more my concern about the lies than the visa itself.
And also, choice of wording matters and yah, seemed harsh to me.
But it's ok : )

[Kiyama]

I come to ask for opinions and/or help because I'm feeling down and what i get is 'Educate yourself!'.
Sure, it's a matter of also myself getting more information but it's more my concern about the lies than the visa itself.
And also, choice of wording matters and yah, seemed harsh to me.

I don't think people are being harsh. From what I read most people think you shouldn't judge too quickly, which is a good thing right?!
Getting lied to is aweful but I can imagine how it is difficult for someone (especially a guy!) to admit he's in debt. I gave this advice because I tend to blow things out of proportion and freak out and afterwards I regret it because I see the other person's perspective. Even if he messed up, he told you now and is probably desparately hoping for a little bit of understanding.

[lucybelle]

Indeed, I come to ask for opinions and/or help because I'm feeling down and what i get is 'Educate yourself!'.
Sure, it's a matter of also myself getting more information but it's more my concern about the lies than the visa itself.
And also, choice of wording matters and yah, seemed harsh to me.
But it's ok : )

Because you should educate yourself. I'm not going to waste my time looking up the visa process from the USA to Canada. That's something you two should do together. So do it.

[Verojoon]

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt (Keep your eyes open too, though!!) but I think he probably lied to you. It doesn't mean he's a liar or a douchebag or anything...

Like I told you in chat, the only time my SO has ever lied to me was about his passport renewal process. It was while we were broken up (one of my major reason I gave him for the break-up was that he kept on dragging on getting his green card, he finally got it and now I would have to wait months and months for him to get his passport renewed...) He told me it was already renewed (when in fact he had sent the renewal applications but there had been some problems and he was told it could take up to 6 months...) He admitted it to me before we got back together... so it's not like he used it as a way to get me back...

I think it may be a similar problem for your SO. Or like I mentioned, he may be completely overwhelmed with the process. Whenever I looked into it, I felt like crying...

Now going by memory: There isn't a work visa as of such... He could get a work holiday visa but I think that may cost about $1,000!?? The only other work visa he could obtain would be a skilled worker visa (Looong process) if he has a career that is one we need here in Canada. Otherwise he could get a work visa through an employer if he managed to secure a job in Canada, but that is difficult since the employer has to prove that they were not able to find anyone in Canada to fill that position... There is also a temporary visa for unskilled labour, but like the normal work VISA, a company has prove no one in Canada is available to fill that position...

After looking into it ourselves, we think we will do 1 of 2 things... We will probably go with a marriage visa... in 3 years... In the meantime, we are hoping we can find him a telecommuting job or a sort of business idea that he could work from home in my house some months of the year (since Americans can stay in Canada for 6 months out of the year) Another option is he has a cousin that works for an airline and gets flight privileges, he flies for nearly free and works long hours but has 3 day weekends... We will work together at trying to get him an airline job... Probably won't get one, but might as well try. If he gets it, he would fly home to me almost every weekend... Then, once we were looking at closing the distance, there would be chances he might be able to transfer to Ottawa...

Look over your options together. It's not only about being informed or whatnot, but about facing your obstacles together. You guys are looking at living together... so, this is a skill you will need! Cooperation and partnership... Try to look at things from his side. He told you not to worry about it, he's got it covered... then he starts looking into all of it and it just becomes overwhelming.. He gets the feeling that no matter what he applies for, he'll be refused... so why apply?? It's easier to just say he was refused...

You two need to communicate, sort it out... You need to tell him it's not okay to lie to you, but at the same time reassure him that you can work through it. That you are partners. He does not need to take the stress on all to himself...

That being said, there is also the other option, that he is, in fact, a douchebag, and had no intention of going there to see you... It's good to be aware that this could happen, so you can keep your wits about you and your eyes open, but don't jump to conclusions. Work on the issue at hand, work together with him... and if his intentions aren't there, it would become apparent... In the meantime, do what you can not to let the worries eat away at you! No good can come from it!

Good luck with everything!! <3