30+ Do you split the cost in half or do you take turns?

[Jmoc1024]

I really haven't had this conversation with my SO. but I wanted some ideas and some input on the topic. I will give you a little run down,

My SO lives in Ohio and I live in Virginia. I am focusing on my college degree at the time and he is working full time. He has more responsibilities the me so I decided to be the one making the sacrifice and doing all the traveling to go see him. But we never had to talk of how we pay for the trip. The first time he paid for me to get there and I paid for my stay at the hotel. He obviously due to being a single father had to stay at his house and couldn't stay with me which is completely understandable. My point is we split the cost. Now we want to see each other and I can't put all the financial cost on me yet I never had this talk with him. We did agree that in June after my birthday I would go see him and then I have no problem putting in the full financial cost.

I can't always take on every finance that our relationship cost for us to see each other physically. I mean it is bad enough that when I do go see him I only see him for about 4 hours each day due to all the responsibilities he has and I can only be there for about three days since my finances can't stretch any more then that. I don't want it to seem like I am paying for his time either. How do I approach this topic with him and what ideas does anyone have on how we can split the cost? Maybe something that one of you guys does will help me and him out as well.

[kattermole]

From the start, we split it 50/50 but we do both have full-time jobs. However, a few months down the line, when it became clear we were looking to be together permanantly and CTD, we've relaxed that a little. Generally we try and split it 50/50 but if one of us has commitments that month, car needing serviced etc, then if the other is able to pay a bit extra, we do that.

[melarie]

(I know I'm not 30 but,) we're splitting it for our first trip. He's going to buy his ticket here, and I'll buy his ticket home. It just seemed like the most efficient way to do it.

[Kiyama]

You should talk to him about it. It isn't fair all the financial burden is on you just because you're the one traveling.
My SO and I both work but he earns way more than I do and I'm the one visiting most of the time. There is no way I could afford a trip to the US every 3 months or so and I've been honest about it from the start and it's no problem at all.

[XxFranticLovexX]

I pay for the trip there and back (mainly ticket/gas money) and he takes care of things while I'm there (where to stay, what to do, etc). I get more money than he does atm so it's easier for us to get a visit in order this way. The only thing I have to pay for while there are things that I may want at a store or something if we go out shopping.

[hmrambling]

Take turns. She offered to split an upcoming trip. I declined. She said she wants to take care of things when I'm there. We're pretty frugal and saving for travel. I make more money and feel it's fair that I pay my own way.

[lucybelle]

When we were visiting each other the one who traveled would pay for the flight (international) and the other would pay for their stay. So like when I would visit Costa Rica I paid for my flight and he paid for lodging and food. When he came to the USA he paid for his flight and I paid for lodging and food. I think it worked out well.

Finances is very important to talk about. You should come to an agreement so someone doesn't feel like they're paying more than the other.

[Moon]

With us, the person doing the traveling pays their own way, and the other pays the majority of expenses during the visit. We've never actually counted up the actual cost, or tried making it come out to 50/50, we just try to make sure it seems fair enough. My flight tickets have ranged from $460 to almost $1300 for summer travel, so I just go there and he does the rest. I'd like to say and vice versa, but when he's here, he's still pretty insistent on paying for some things.

If travel is becoming a financial burden for you though, it's time to speak up about it. Start out with a simple "hey, I'm not sure how I can make this trip happen" or something, and let the conversation go from there.

[kittyo9]

We did basically what Moon did. I paid for my plane ticket and travel costs, and he paid for all the expenses we incurred while there. For the length of time I stayed and the amount of things we did, it evened out fairly well, with me paying a little more (which is fine because I work and make a lot more than he does).

[snow]

I pay for the flight in advance and he gives me half the money back when I'm there. I don't earn as much money as he does so I can't really afford paying for all of it. So when he gives me half of it back we both share the expenses while I'm there.

[kayla_622]

My SO and I split it 50/50 pretty much. Takes about $200 gas roundtrip so, like on our last visit I went to see him and before I left he gave me $100 for his half. Since he's in a hotel right now I usually give him half a day's rate for each day I'm there and then other expenses like food we just try to take turns sort of. Gas money is the big concern though so we just make sure we split that.

[Hollandia]

I think it has a lot to do with how serious you are. In the beginning I came and took care of myself but he paid for nights out sometimes. Once the next visit happened we had already gotten to the very serious stage. I took care of my travel and he paid the bills while I was there. I threw in for some groceries occasionally. The next visit we had agreed we wanted to be together for our lives and both had to travel and merged our finances for the trip. Each time together since we have taken turns paying as each can afford.

When we are apart we take care of our separate bills, but when together we it is more like a kitty. I know some couples prefer to keep their finances separate even after marriage and kids. I think that I want to share my life and everything else with my partner.

[JoeyBug]

Since it's easier for Scott to come here, he pays for the flight and such and any activites and stuff he wants to do, I foot the bill for. Like his first visit we went up to London for a few days. I couldn't afford the hotel so he paid for that, but I paid for all the sightseeing and underground tickets and the parking and such. So it's pretty much 50/50 but not totally because I'm on a fixed income (benefits/welfare) and he works, or at least he did. Now he's living off his savings and we're planning to get him over here on a more permanent basis, so we'll split the cost of that 50/50 too.

[TwoThree]

We split ticket costs when I go to him, and when I take two separate tickets (Hometown - Paris, then Paris - Helsinki. He obviously buys the latter.) For the next trip I bought the (comprehensive) ticket at dates where it was the cheapest, and then he paid for changing the dates to when it was more convenient. I always end up paying more than he does, ticket-wise. And when I'm there I can't say I count on him to pay for everything. He pays for groceries (though I insist on paying sometimes) and many of our meals if we eat out, but even when he says he doesn't mind paying for me I can't bring myself to agree to it.

[Chickadee30]

I've not flown out to him yet, he's come out here 3 times. We flip flop on expenses for the most part, though he does usually pay for more. I'm not sure how much he makes, but I'm pretty sure it's more than I do and I'm a single mom.