Hi all. Happy to have found this sight. I am in a relationship with a man who is not only 10,000 miles away, but 15 years younger. It's a very long story, here's the short version. We met through our jobs 6 years ago. We were good friends and workmates first. I live in the US, he lived in the UK at the time and was in a 12 year relationship with 2 kids. They all moved to Australia about a year after we met. To make a long story short, we have kept in contact via email, phone and the last year or so, Skype. Our relationship has been more than friends for quite some time. They split up almost two years ago, not because of me. It wasn't an amicable split and he has been devastated financially and emotionally and is just now starting to feel normal again.
It has been and still is like being on a roller coaster. We have strong feelings for each other that have sustained over all of the above. We haven't seen each other again since we met 6 years ago, for the above reasons. My feelings are, we have been through all of this for the last 6 years, I want to meet and see what happens. I am mostly about the feelings and love will conquer blah blah blah. He is more logical and pragmatic.
I am in classes until October, and when my classes are over, I want to go see him. In my heart and in my gut I feel we would be very happy together. If it was up to me we would speak or email or IM or Skype every day. He won't let this happen. We have been through periods where we do, but he always pulls back when it gets very intense. Last night we had a Skype conversation. He is afraid of "the point of no return" which will happen after we are together face to face again. He said he is certain we will have fun, have sex (finally!), and connect on every level. He said until that point, he keeps me at a distance for his own sanity. He said if we get together and get past that point of no return, we will then be determined to be together, and that means one of us has to make significant sacrifices.
I have said all along I would be willing to go to AUS, temporarily. He wouldn't consider (and he wouldn't be the man for me if he would) leaving his young children to be with me. However, he has always wanted to move to the US. In my fantasy we live in AUS for a few years then all of us eventually move to the US. The logistics of it, I don't know yet. What about his ex and the children's mother? I don't know. I wish she would move back to England, it is possible. Not logical or pragmatic, I know. He said he is afraid I will eventually resent him for having to leave my family and be so far away.
So I'm facing the reality. While I feel like I am not that close to my family, as he said it's easy to feel that way until they 10,000 miles away. The only times we are all together is on holidays. I don't have a big family. I have one brother, a sister-in-law, a niece who is married with one child. I have a 32 year old son who is married. He lives an hour and a half away and we love each other but he is a loner and doesn't feel compelled to spend time with me, to be honest. The clincher is he and his wife had a baby in Aug so now I have a grandson that I adore. Another big clincher is my daughter. She is 24 and still lives with me. She and I are very close. If I moved to AUS she would be very unhappy. Yet another clincher is my mother. She is 89 years old and lives alone, my father died about 10 years ago. My brother and my mom are much closer than she and I, but she relies on me. I spend a couple days a week with her, taking her shopping etc. However, on my end it's a strained relationship, that's another story. My brother spends 3 days/week with her. I'm sure he wouldn't be happy with me if I left.
I have been divorced for 17 years. I had an unhappy marriage. I have had a couple short term relationships since my divorce, nothing serious. I am so ready to find love with a good man, my ex was not a good man. Of course I can't know for certain if I am meant to be with this man in AUS, but like I said I feel right now that I am. And of course there are no guarantees in any relationship. My dilemma is whether or not I could realistically leave my family behind to find out. The ones I am worried about really are my mother and my daughter. I know my mother won't be around forever, but she could live another 5 or 10 years possibly, not likely, but possible. On a side note, my mother left England to move to the US when she was 23, to marry my father. My daughter doesn't like to fly and says she would not come to Australia. But okay she's 24 years old and needs to have her own life. I would not try to stop her if she wanted to go find happiness in another country.
I am 53 years old. I want to be in a mutually loving and giving relationship, and I believe I could have that with this man. I feel like I have to find out, and I want to find out. Would I be a bad person for putting my own happiness before the needs and emotions of my family? There must be others here who have had to make that decision...would love to hear from you as well.
It has been and still is like being on a roller coaster. We have strong feelings for each other that have sustained over all of the above. We haven't seen each other again since we met 6 years ago, for the above reasons. My feelings are, we have been through all of this for the last 6 years, I want to meet and see what happens. I am mostly about the feelings and love will conquer blah blah blah. He is more logical and pragmatic.
I am in classes until October, and when my classes are over, I want to go see him. In my heart and in my gut I feel we would be very happy together. If it was up to me we would speak or email or IM or Skype every day. He won't let this happen. We have been through periods where we do, but he always pulls back when it gets very intense. Last night we had a Skype conversation. He is afraid of "the point of no return" which will happen after we are together face to face again. He said he is certain we will have fun, have sex (finally!), and connect on every level. He said until that point, he keeps me at a distance for his own sanity. He said if we get together and get past that point of no return, we will then be determined to be together, and that means one of us has to make significant sacrifices.
I have said all along I would be willing to go to AUS, temporarily. He wouldn't consider (and he wouldn't be the man for me if he would) leaving his young children to be with me. However, he has always wanted to move to the US. In my fantasy we live in AUS for a few years then all of us eventually move to the US. The logistics of it, I don't know yet. What about his ex and the children's mother? I don't know. I wish she would move back to England, it is possible. Not logical or pragmatic, I know. He said he is afraid I will eventually resent him for having to leave my family and be so far away.
So I'm facing the reality. While I feel like I am not that close to my family, as he said it's easy to feel that way until they 10,000 miles away. The only times we are all together is on holidays. I don't have a big family. I have one brother, a sister-in-law, a niece who is married with one child. I have a 32 year old son who is married. He lives an hour and a half away and we love each other but he is a loner and doesn't feel compelled to spend time with me, to be honest. The clincher is he and his wife had a baby in Aug so now I have a grandson that I adore. Another big clincher is my daughter. She is 24 and still lives with me. She and I are very close. If I moved to AUS she would be very unhappy. Yet another clincher is my mother. She is 89 years old and lives alone, my father died about 10 years ago. My brother and my mom are much closer than she and I, but she relies on me. I spend a couple days a week with her, taking her shopping etc. However, on my end it's a strained relationship, that's another story. My brother spends 3 days/week with her. I'm sure he wouldn't be happy with me if I left.
I have been divorced for 17 years. I had an unhappy marriage. I have had a couple short term relationships since my divorce, nothing serious. I am so ready to find love with a good man, my ex was not a good man. Of course I can't know for certain if I am meant to be with this man in AUS, but like I said I feel right now that I am. And of course there are no guarantees in any relationship. My dilemma is whether or not I could realistically leave my family behind to find out. The ones I am worried about really are my mother and my daughter. I know my mother won't be around forever, but she could live another 5 or 10 years possibly, not likely, but possible. On a side note, my mother left England to move to the US when she was 23, to marry my father. My daughter doesn't like to fly and says she would not come to Australia. But okay she's 24 years old and needs to have her own life. I would not try to stop her if she wanted to go find happiness in another country.
I am 53 years old. I want to be in a mutually loving and giving relationship, and I believe I could have that with this man. I feel like I have to find out, and I want to find out. Would I be a bad person for putting my own happiness before the needs and emotions of my family? There must be others here who have had to make that decision...would love to hear from you as well.
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