I need to bounce some ides off y'all before presenting it to my SO so I can do it right.
My SO is in a precarious position, and now that we have discussed finances a bit, I understand a bit more. He is still legally married though he hasn't lived with his wife for over a year now, and because there is no legal arrangement, he has agreed to pay the rent on the house they shared together in lieu of paying child support. His name is still on the lease, and they had signed a 2 year lease before he moved out, which doesn't expire until Jan, 2014. He has already informed her that he will not continue to pay her rent once the lease is up, or the divorce is final, whichever comes first. He has been actively trying to get a divorce from this woman since March, but legal fees are very expensive where he lives and he is having a hard time finding a lawyer to go to bat for him. The wife is very vindictive and wants to drag this divorce out for as long as she can.
I have already told him that he needs to stop "helping" her out when she finds that she doesn't have enough to pay the electric bill, or the water bill. But he has a hard time letting go due to the fact that he doesn't want to have his kids suffer for her vindictiveness. She threatens to let the kids take cold showers, and go hungry if he doesn't help. So she is doing what she can to keep him from being able to afford a lawyer. He has a really good job and makes decent money. I have explained to him that his kids live 5 minutes away, if they need a hot meal they can come over and they will get one, if they need a hot shower, they have access, and if they need a warm bed to sleep in, then it can be provided, and he needs to keep track of when these things happen so he can use it to prove her unfit down the road. She got government assistance for food, claiming they are separated, and supporting 6 people, 4 kids, herself, and a unemployed sister.
He has agreed to stop "helping" her, all he's doing is enabling her to continue being lazy and selfish. He has many bills leftover from his marriage that he is trying to pay off so they don't follow him into our relationship. He currently lives with his parents, because he cant afford a place of his own, and he pays the garbage bill at their house as his rent, along with pitching in for groceries once a month.
I have been divorced for almost 3 years, and have managed to become financially stable through making some very wise decisions. I have a good job and make decent wages for the area I live in. I am by no means well off, but we do alright, and for the most part, my kids don't want for much. I get my monthly bills paid on time and in full. And I have a savings built up, its comfortable. I am able to afford trips to see my SO without it being a financial burden, unlike him. I also get 3 large bonus checks a year, and by large I mean upwards of $5-8,000, and that's what keeps me comfortable. I keep my expenses minimal, and I don't flaunt my money. My SO is aware of the kind of money I make, and hasn't asked me for a dime, and has even offered to help pay for my hotel room when I come to visit.
I am considering opening up a joint "divorce" account that we can both put extra money into when we have it. That way when he needs money for lawyers and such he can have it accessible. I don't really see it as giving him my hard earned money, I see it as investing in our future together. However, I am only willing to do this for him if he agrees to stop supporting his wife's laziness, and stop giving in to her threats. And then once the divorce is over, we can use that account to save up to close the distance, or to put away money for a down payment on a house.
I know that we are going to be together, we plan to live together and be married. I love this man deeply, and want the best for him, and I can honestly say that if things between us don't work out, I wont be sorry for trying to help him.
So, my question is, knowing all that, do you feel this joint "divorce" account is a prudent idea, or the biggest mistake I could ever make?
My SO is in a precarious position, and now that we have discussed finances a bit, I understand a bit more. He is still legally married though he hasn't lived with his wife for over a year now, and because there is no legal arrangement, he has agreed to pay the rent on the house they shared together in lieu of paying child support. His name is still on the lease, and they had signed a 2 year lease before he moved out, which doesn't expire until Jan, 2014. He has already informed her that he will not continue to pay her rent once the lease is up, or the divorce is final, whichever comes first. He has been actively trying to get a divorce from this woman since March, but legal fees are very expensive where he lives and he is having a hard time finding a lawyer to go to bat for him. The wife is very vindictive and wants to drag this divorce out for as long as she can.
I have already told him that he needs to stop "helping" her out when she finds that she doesn't have enough to pay the electric bill, or the water bill. But he has a hard time letting go due to the fact that he doesn't want to have his kids suffer for her vindictiveness. She threatens to let the kids take cold showers, and go hungry if he doesn't help. So she is doing what she can to keep him from being able to afford a lawyer. He has a really good job and makes decent money. I have explained to him that his kids live 5 minutes away, if they need a hot meal they can come over and they will get one, if they need a hot shower, they have access, and if they need a warm bed to sleep in, then it can be provided, and he needs to keep track of when these things happen so he can use it to prove her unfit down the road. She got government assistance for food, claiming they are separated, and supporting 6 people, 4 kids, herself, and a unemployed sister.
He has agreed to stop "helping" her, all he's doing is enabling her to continue being lazy and selfish. He has many bills leftover from his marriage that he is trying to pay off so they don't follow him into our relationship. He currently lives with his parents, because he cant afford a place of his own, and he pays the garbage bill at their house as his rent, along with pitching in for groceries once a month.
I have been divorced for almost 3 years, and have managed to become financially stable through making some very wise decisions. I have a good job and make decent wages for the area I live in. I am by no means well off, but we do alright, and for the most part, my kids don't want for much. I get my monthly bills paid on time and in full. And I have a savings built up, its comfortable. I am able to afford trips to see my SO without it being a financial burden, unlike him. I also get 3 large bonus checks a year, and by large I mean upwards of $5-8,000, and that's what keeps me comfortable. I keep my expenses minimal, and I don't flaunt my money. My SO is aware of the kind of money I make, and hasn't asked me for a dime, and has even offered to help pay for my hotel room when I come to visit.
I am considering opening up a joint "divorce" account that we can both put extra money into when we have it. That way when he needs money for lawyers and such he can have it accessible. I don't really see it as giving him my hard earned money, I see it as investing in our future together. However, I am only willing to do this for him if he agrees to stop supporting his wife's laziness, and stop giving in to her threats. And then once the divorce is over, we can use that account to save up to close the distance, or to put away money for a down payment on a house.
I know that we are going to be together, we plan to live together and be married. I love this man deeply, and want the best for him, and I can honestly say that if things between us don't work out, I wont be sorry for trying to help him.
So, my question is, knowing all that, do you feel this joint "divorce" account is a prudent idea, or the biggest mistake I could ever make?
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