Hiiii!
I already apologized in advance in my introduction post. That being said, my situation is stupid and complex AS IS LIFE.
I am married and have been for 11 years. Somewhat happily, have a baby, also my husband is quite ok with me having my LD boyfriend/LD boyfriend is ok with husband because we're all kinky bastards and it just works for us (don't judge!)
Here's the skinny. I have NEVER been in love like I am in love with LD boyfriend.
Anyways, despite having had a million boyfriends in my lifelong career of being a nymphomaniac, I have NEVER been in love like I am with Mr.New York and I have never had this kind of connection with anyone. Since the beginning, we have practically had to work to try
not to finish each other's sentences, know what the other is thinking, pages of us saying the same thing word for word at the same time to the point that we'll stop talking for awhile because it's creeping us out.
Hubby has witnessed this and has said that my connection with BF is 'bigger than him' and even that he loves BF by proxy.
Continuing on...
We're both artists and I've jumped on board with a project he's been working on for many years that is amazingly awesome. We are working to launch it and I'm his minion - he's the boss, it's his project. He tells me a lot that this is his 'shot' and that all the billions of times he is lost in his work, it's for 'us' because it's his way out.
He needs out because he's in a terrible situation. He had to move back home because his mom is very ill and needs constant care AND a sibling who has cancer AND a younger sibling who needs care AND with the exception of the kid, they are nasty and ungrateful to him which makes me livid. He lives in his own part of the house which makes phone sex and/or watching awful horror movies together possible thankfully.
Speaking of insane, he's insanely secretive by nature, plays his cards very, very close to his chest. I know people who have talked to him for years online and know nothing but his first name and his alter ego. Holding me privy to his family situation, opening his phone to me, sending me pics (although few) of himself and talking to me "out of character" has been a slow and often agonizing process. He's very stubborn and does not respond to coaxing, ultimatums or any of that bullsheet. He'll do something/tell you something when he's good and ready. Full stop.
We.Can't.Meet for an undetermined amount of time and it KILLS me. I told him we needed to, I'd stay in a hotel and chance things being cut short by him being 'on call' from the people who depend on him, he says no. We have a loose plan for fall because he thinks things will be better by then but it's torturous. He says he wasn't looking for this (neither of us were) and that truly, he has no time for a GF but since it's ME, he needs to be with me and wants us to be together no matter what for years and years to come. He talks about decades...and the end of our lives sometimes. He vowed years before he met me never to marry or have children, so actually I'm kind of ideal for him in a way...
He says 'I love you' first ALL THE TIME and is very patient with me as well despite being short with me sometimes when he's distracted/annoyed etc.
I've been as patient as I can be. Despite my bubbly exterior, I am positively anguished about this situation sometimes.
Wondering if he'll ever trust me enough so we can be a 'normal' LD couple.
Wondering if this is real. Will we ever meet, is there a future, a REAL future him being 'Murican, me being Canadian, married etc (although hubby said he'd be fine with relocating!)
Lately, last few weeks he's been reticent. There was some drama and he's recovering from it. No sex drive, doesn't want to talk much, begs me to 'chill out' and 'give him space'.
I fear he is 'phasing me out', but then wonder if the fact that I know in my heart of hearts that he loves me is an illusion or not. We went from talking and talking, 8 hour chats, 5 hour phonecalls to...trickles and polite 'hope you're ok' kind of talk from him. Weekends used to be an unspoken given, now not. He's always working now and tired/agitated when we do talk. I worry that he's bored of me and wants out.
I also worry a lot that I was 'flavor of the week' and he's cool on me now because he's got another online chick who is more fun because she's still a 'fan' or even flesh woman who makes me obsolete. I am the jealous type and this torments me. Also, his best friend on the planet is female and an ex just in case things weren't super enough.
I don't even know his sur name or his address...he's too paranoid to tell me. He says he will and he's made good on his promises before, but 6+ months now. That has me a little worried sometimes because I've never really been in love like this and if he gives up on me I will be destroyed. He knows this and I also wonder if he's fed up with me but keeping 'us' going because he doesn't want me to go insane.
For anyone who read this highly irritating novel, what the hell is going on here? I am SO confused. Giving him space for now but hoping this isn't an end whilst wondering if there is a future. I'm not sure this speech even has a central point or any information in it that could be considered useful or comprehensible to anyone who isn't me.
Can someone be truly too busy/messed up to meet in months and months? Does lack of sex drive always suggest there's someone else? Is 'busy' a nice way of saying 'go away' or training me to be on a back burner?
Advice on anything aside from 'get help' would be spectacular.
Also, hi.
I already apologized in advance in my introduction post. That being said, my situation is stupid and complex AS IS LIFE.
I am married and have been for 11 years. Somewhat happily, have a baby, also my husband is quite ok with me having my LD boyfriend/LD boyfriend is ok with husband because we're all kinky bastards and it just works for us (don't judge!)
Here's the skinny. I have NEVER been in love like I am in love with LD boyfriend.
Anyways, despite having had a million boyfriends in my lifelong career of being a nymphomaniac, I have NEVER been in love like I am with Mr.New York and I have never had this kind of connection with anyone. Since the beginning, we have practically had to work to try
not to finish each other's sentences, know what the other is thinking, pages of us saying the same thing word for word at the same time to the point that we'll stop talking for awhile because it's creeping us out.
Hubby has witnessed this and has said that my connection with BF is 'bigger than him' and even that he loves BF by proxy.
Continuing on...
We're both artists and I've jumped on board with a project he's been working on for many years that is amazingly awesome. We are working to launch it and I'm his minion - he's the boss, it's his project. He tells me a lot that this is his 'shot' and that all the billions of times he is lost in his work, it's for 'us' because it's his way out.
He needs out because he's in a terrible situation. He had to move back home because his mom is very ill and needs constant care AND a sibling who has cancer AND a younger sibling who needs care AND with the exception of the kid, they are nasty and ungrateful to him which makes me livid. He lives in his own part of the house which makes phone sex and/or watching awful horror movies together possible thankfully.
Speaking of insane, he's insanely secretive by nature, plays his cards very, very close to his chest. I know people who have talked to him for years online and know nothing but his first name and his alter ego. Holding me privy to his family situation, opening his phone to me, sending me pics (although few) of himself and talking to me "out of character" has been a slow and often agonizing process. He's very stubborn and does not respond to coaxing, ultimatums or any of that bullsheet. He'll do something/tell you something when he's good and ready. Full stop.
We.Can't.Meet for an undetermined amount of time and it KILLS me. I told him we needed to, I'd stay in a hotel and chance things being cut short by him being 'on call' from the people who depend on him, he says no. We have a loose plan for fall because he thinks things will be better by then but it's torturous. He says he wasn't looking for this (neither of us were) and that truly, he has no time for a GF but since it's ME, he needs to be with me and wants us to be together no matter what for years and years to come. He talks about decades...and the end of our lives sometimes. He vowed years before he met me never to marry or have children, so actually I'm kind of ideal for him in a way...
He says 'I love you' first ALL THE TIME and is very patient with me as well despite being short with me sometimes when he's distracted/annoyed etc.
I've been as patient as I can be. Despite my bubbly exterior, I am positively anguished about this situation sometimes.
Wondering if he'll ever trust me enough so we can be a 'normal' LD couple.
Wondering if this is real. Will we ever meet, is there a future, a REAL future him being 'Murican, me being Canadian, married etc (although hubby said he'd be fine with relocating!)
Lately, last few weeks he's been reticent. There was some drama and he's recovering from it. No sex drive, doesn't want to talk much, begs me to 'chill out' and 'give him space'.
I fear he is 'phasing me out', but then wonder if the fact that I know in my heart of hearts that he loves me is an illusion or not. We went from talking and talking, 8 hour chats, 5 hour phonecalls to...trickles and polite 'hope you're ok' kind of talk from him. Weekends used to be an unspoken given, now not. He's always working now and tired/agitated when we do talk. I worry that he's bored of me and wants out.
I also worry a lot that I was 'flavor of the week' and he's cool on me now because he's got another online chick who is more fun because she's still a 'fan' or even flesh woman who makes me obsolete. I am the jealous type and this torments me. Also, his best friend on the planet is female and an ex just in case things weren't super enough.
I don't even know his sur name or his address...he's too paranoid to tell me. He says he will and he's made good on his promises before, but 6+ months now. That has me a little worried sometimes because I've never really been in love like this and if he gives up on me I will be destroyed. He knows this and I also wonder if he's fed up with me but keeping 'us' going because he doesn't want me to go insane.
For anyone who read this highly irritating novel, what the hell is going on here? I am SO confused. Giving him space for now but hoping this isn't an end whilst wondering if there is a future. I'm not sure this speech even has a central point or any information in it that could be considered useful or comprehensible to anyone who isn't me.
Can someone be truly too busy/messed up to meet in months and months? Does lack of sex drive always suggest there's someone else? Is 'busy' a nice way of saying 'go away' or training me to be on a back burner?
Advice on anything aside from 'get help' would be spectacular.
Also, hi.
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