30+ Found out he's cyber-cheating!

[Benni]

I just found out, a couple hours ago, that B has been having cybersex with other women. We belong to a photo-blogging site and we each have a site there. I have access to his password as he doesn't know much about HTML so I go in to his site and help him with that. These sites also have private message systems.

I was reading messages between him and a female 'friend' of ours and they were having sex!! I am still shaking so hard that it's hard to type this but I need to talk to someone about this!

Why would he do this KNOWING I have access to the messages? I don't know what to think!! We've been in love almost a year. I have a plane ticket, to go see him again the end of August, that he paid for! WTF!!!!!

I haven't been able to confront him yet as he's not online until later. I am sooooo torn!

[lucybelle]

I'm so sorry

[committed]

That is horrible! I would be devastated if I found out my gf was doing that... especially with someone we both knew *SMH* I don't know you, Benni, but I'm sorry just the same that he did that to you.

[Black_Halloween]

im sooooo sorryyy -huggggg-

[Dezface]

Wow that's rough. I'm sorry

[Schlafmütze]

Oh Benni, I am really sorry!

[LittleBox]

I have no words. I really am sorry ):

[MattDavies86]

I'm sorry too, wtf, that's stupid! ><

[libelle]

So sorry to hear this ( If you need someone to talk to, I am there! *hugs*

[Zephii]

Have you explicitly spoken about this and does he know that it's cheating? I know it sounds obvious right? But it isn't. Lots of people don't consider cyber-sex to be cheating, because they've never really thought about it.
So if you've never had a conversation about what is and is not ok, then perhaps you can let him off the hook for this one (as long as he isn't declaring undying love or anything!)

The only reason I mention this was I had to have the same talk with Obi in the early days of our relationship too. I hope it's just a misunderstanding. *Hugs*

[dragonlady]

sorry to hear that! big hug!!

[Sora1101]

this has happened to me twice now so I know how you feel. and in my experience the only way to get through this problem is to confront him about it, nothing will get resolved and you can't begin your healing process if you're sitting on your feelings and letting them fester into more hurtful wounds.

Ask him about it and don't let him guilt you into that "oh why would you even look in the first place don't you trust me?" There was a reason you felt the need to check his messages whether you knew it consciously or not. Best of luck.

[Benni]

Have you explicitly spoken about this and does he know that it's cheating? I know it sounds obvious right? But it isn't. Lots of people don't consider cyber-sex to be cheating, because they've never really thought about it.
So if you've never had a conversation about what is and is not ok, then perhaps you can let him off the hook for this one (as long as he isn't declaring undying love or anything!)

I don't know if it's cheating or not! It seems that way to me. I feel very betrayed/hurt/angry.

He's never done this before in the 10 months we've been together. He is a teacher and is off for the summer. Is this a summer pastime for him to wile away the hours?

That's why I feel so threatened because we started cybersex last summer and it lead to a deep, loving relationship. Is he going to find someone else and fall in love with them? I just don't know. I feel sick, literally, over this.

He hasn't been online yet so we haven't been able to talk about it.

[Louise_B]

Oh Benni, I don't know what to say,

If i knew my SO was doing this. That would be us done! Im sorry but even though were LDR doesnt mean he can cycber sex with someone else! Its like having a fantasy with another woman. And its no different to him doing it with you .. otherthan your together! But thats the way i see it!

I hope you talk this through with him. Don't give in stand your ground and do what you think is the best for you

[kiara_silver]

I am so sorry, I would be so hurt if I found this out too. I hope things get better!