30+ New to LDR - some fears and I don*t know what to do ...

[alizee]

So, my story is this. Through some friends I "met" a guy and the relationship began by talking on IM. We started talking almost 2 months ago.We are 310 miles apart (same country), although he was born in the same town as me, which I currently live in. His parents still live here. He lives and works in a different town, that*s 310 miles away. We get along well - I mean I like the fact that he*s intelligent, calm, smart, although at times he can be a little child and shy. I get the feeling that I am the one that rules in our relationship, because everything I said he did, by just being calm and obeying me (for exemple when I asked for his phone number and when I was implying to him that we should talk on the phone, not only texting - and so the next day he obeyed and called). I don*t know if that*s a good thing or not in our relationship (I always get the feeling that he is shy with women and that he never had a real love relationship, and maybe this can explain the fact that he is shy and a little cold). On our third week of relationship he invited me to come to visit him (we haven*t seen each other yet in reality, only in photos!). I told him I wasn*t ready to come and he understood, telling me to announce him when I will be ready. We talk 3-5 times on the phone/ week and text each other, but not too often because he has a strict job. He can*t come to his original (our) town until September because that*s when he has holiday from his job, so we couldn*t see each other until then if I don*t decide to come to visit him. The thing is I want to visit him in August for a weekend, but there are some fears that I have. This one can be a little funny for others, but - by seeing pictures of him I get the feeling that he is shorter than me. I am 5`8 and I don*t want to feel awkward going to his new town and feeling like this all weekend long. At the same time I think that pictures do distort reality and maybe it is not true he is a short guy. I want him to be at least 5`8. It would be awkward for us (or for me, cause I don*t know about him and I just can*t ask him, out of the blue, what*s his height!!!!) This fear is really tearing me up and I don*t know what to do! I would really need some advice! I really care for this relationship, as I found in him (up until the present) many qualities I look for in a man.

[Dezface]

I don't see what's weird about asking that. My SO and I asked each other really early on. You haven't met in person, it's only natural to be curious about physical traits. What you do after you have that information, is on you to decide.

[blankita719]

It's not unusual to ask someone their height, so I would just ask him outright. It's not like it is an extremely personal question

Welcome to the forums

[Karringtyn]

I am almost 6 foot. It was the first question I always asked. It was a deal breaker for me....because I am an amazon. For some people it isn't....I would come straight out and say something like "babe...how tall are you?"...I am surprised it never came up in conversations!

Welcome!!

[snow]

Just go for it! I would just ask him how tall he is! You can be curious about his height, that's nothing he has to be ashamed of

[TooFarAway]

Awww you're so cute xD
Ye I agree you should just ask him! ;D *cheers you on*
Me and my SO went and asked those questions very early too x)

[Photogrl]

Totally ask how tall he is. i know how awkward it is to be dating someone who is shorter than me. If you ask him and then he doesnt tell you or is weird about it than maybe it just isnt meant to be.

Good luck!!

[LeilaniJoi]

This was something that was always a deal breaker for me too as I'm 5'8" but I can honestly say when you meet the right person it becomes a non issue. My guy is 5'6" and honestly, its never been awkward

I'd just ask..nothing weird in that

[Filly]

I concur to just ask. I'm lucky in that I'm 5' 6" and my SO is 6'2". I've dated men shorter than I am but I always worry about having short children.

[alizee]

I didn*t ask him yet, because it feels a little embarrasing to me, but one day he told me about a football player that he saw at a new years party and he was so surprised he was shorter than him. So, what I did? I went online and search the fotballer*s height and found out he was 5`9. And this football player had a girlfriend of 6 `0 in height. So, my BF has to be 5`9 at least! I hope this is true, because by the pictures I saw of him he looks a little short. But photos distort reality, right ? so I am thinking he is at least my height.

[Laural007]

I think it's a very normal question to ask so don't be shy. I couldn't date a man that was shorter then me so I've always asked early on. Also, I'm not sure he's "obeying you" I think it's more that he's being respectful of your wants/needs.

[alizee]

I think it's a very normal question to ask so don't be shy. I couldn't date a man that was shorter then me so I've always asked early on. Also, I'm not sure he's "obeying you" I think it's more that he's being respectful of your wants/needs.

You might be true Laural007, when you say that he is respectful with my wants/ needs. I think this is a good thing, don*t you? I think respect is an important quality in a relationship. Confidence and sincerity also are - and he seems to have those qualities too, because he always tells me if he goes out with his friends (only on weekends he goes out) and sometimes I get a little jealous of his friends, but I never showed him that, I only tell him to have a good time as he needs to relax after a hard week at work. Now, I get the feeling that he is more opened to me, as he seems more happy, present when talking to me on the phone. Sunday night we talked and he told me he was watching Tour de France (as he practices sports and likes to watch sports). I started to talk to him about Tour de France (I knew a few things about it!!!!) and he asked me if I could watch it, as it was the final round - the Paris round. He said that I must look to see Paris, as I told him in the past that I am crazy about France and French culture. I told him that Paris was such a beautiful town and he agreed, telling me that he would really want to visit it (and I got the feeling that he ment we should visit Paris together, but got shy!!!!)
Yesterday he called me and he also asked me if I watched the Paris round and he got so happy because I was watching (and kind of liking!!!!) what he liked! I feel that we*re on the right track and I feel so positive these days

[summerkid]

I suggest you ask him. It'll help you be at least mentally prepared in case he is a bit shorter. Which, btw, is no big deal, even in Romania. If you really like eachother and get along well, that is the only thing that matters.

[alizee]

I suggest you ask him. It'll help you be at least mentally prepared in case he is a bit shorter. Which, btw, is no big deal, even in Romania. If you really like eachother and get along well, that is the only thing that matters.

I think you*re right summerkid, height should not be a problem - maybe the height difference (if any!) is not obvious. By now, things are going well between us two and I feel (just talking with him on the phone) magic in our conversation. Did you ever experience that? I mean, to me, this magic seems kind of silly because I never met him in reality, but I can*t help feeling the sparks each time we speak. It all feels so natural for us and I am a little afraid of that. What do you think about this?

[summerkid]

I think you*re right summerkid, height should not be a problem - maybe the height difference (if any!) is not obvious. By now, things are going well between us two and I feel (just talking with him on the phone) magic in our conversation. Did you ever experience that? I mean, to me, this magic seems kind of silly because I never met him in reality, but I can*t help feeling the sparks each time we speak. It all feels so natural for us and I am a little afraid of that. What do you think about this?

I think you are in the right place. A lot of us know what you are talking about. The conversations are great, fluid.. personal. And you feel like you can have something good with this person. That's what makes us all put up with the distance. Because it's worth it Even if you haven't met in reality. It's normal to be afraid and to be cautious. You'll get over that in time You should take care of yourself though and proceed with caution. Even though most of us on here have good stories, there are some cases in which the people turned out not to be who they said they were. Skype with the guy, if you're going to meet him, tell you friends or family where you are going and how they can find you, just.. protect yourself.