New to LDR - some fears and I don*t know what to do ...

[alizee]

I think you are in the right place. A lot of us know what you are talking about. The conversations are great, fluid.. personal. And you feel like you can have something good with this person. That's what makes us all put up with the distance. Because it's worth it Even if you haven't met in reality. It's normal to be afraid and to be cautious. You'll get over that in time You should take care of yourself though and proceed with caution. Even though most of us on here have good stories, there are some cases in which the people turned out not to be who they said they were. Skype with the guy, if you're going to meet him, tell you friends or family where you are going and how they can find you, just.. protect yourself.

Summerkid I don*t worry about who is he turning to be (I mean he is no freak, no strange or psycho), because I have met him through a friend of his mum. You see, we have the same home town (which I am currently live in and his parents also live in) and we also went to the same college together, but never knew each other. So, my parents know about him, his parents also and that*s why I don*t worry about that. He is from a good family. He will be home in September for his work vacation and that is when we will see each other.
First, we talked on IM (about one month), but then I got tired and asked if we could speak on the phone and he was ok with that. You see, he has a very stressful job, so it was a lot of effort to him to stay at night in front of a computer to talk to me, when he spent all his time at work in front of the computer. So, now, we are speaking and texting on the phone. We talk 3-5 times a week for about 15-40 minutes (I feel it*s the right period of talking, so we don*t run out of things to say and also we don*t want to get bored - it*s, I guess, a strategy I have because I want to keep his interest in me alive ) and text randomly (mostly I send the textes, but he always responds back).

[Malaga]

Photos and even numbers can be misleading. My SO is technically only about 2 inch taller than me, but the difference often looks greater in pics together - he has a better posture than me and his hair adds another inch or two for sure. Posture accounts for a lot.

[alizee]

Photos and even numbers can be misleading. My SO is technically only about 2 inch taller than me, but the difference often looks greater in pics together - he has a better posture than me and his hair adds another inch or two for sure. Posture accounts for a lot.

Yes, Malaga, you*re right! That*s why I say that pictures distort reality, because I saw many people in pictures and when I saw them in reality I was surprised by their height. It happened recently with a man, so I am thinking this can be the case with my boyfriend. Maybe he*s not that tall, I mean 6*0** or more, but I think that he is at least my height 5*8**.

[Smelly Cat]

Hi Alizee,

I'm sure people reading your post are smiling, though not in a bad way! I completely understand your fears; I myself am 5'8 - tall for an Asian girl - and it's quite surprising the amount of guys out there who are shorter than me! And I don't care what people say about physical appearance; YES it DOES matter... It may not be the most significant factor in a relationship, but if he's 5 inches shorter than you, it could definitely turn awkward I dated someone 2 inches shorter than me and we looked ridiculous together. I also had to ditch my heels throughout my entire relationship. My current SO is only 1 inch taller, but when I slip on the heels, I tower over him - which he actually loves! So yes the physical aspect matters, but we need to be flexible as well.

But apparently you've gauged that he's at least 5'9? Well, just to make sure, why not ask you mum's friend? (or has that been suggested already?) Or turn on stalker mode and go through his FB pics - maybe there are a few of him by a doorway? You could gauge it that way But yes, honesty is always the best policy so I'll join in on the suggestions of "just ask him"

I hope you'll tell us when you find out!

[alizee]

Hi Alizee,

I'm sure people reading your post are smiling, though not in a bad way! I completely understand your fears; I myself am 5'8 - tall for an Asian girl - and it's quite surprising the amount of guys out there who are shorter than me! And I don't care what people say about physical appearance; YES it DOES matter... It may not be the most significant factor in a relationship, but if he's 5 inches shorter than you, it could definitely turn awkward I dated someone 2 inches shorter than me and we looked ridiculous together. I also had to ditch my heels throughout my entire relationship. My current SO is only 1 inch taller, but when I slip on the heels, I tower over him - which he actually loves! So yes the physical aspect matters, but we need to be flexible as well.

But apparently you've gauged that he's at least 5'9? Well, just to make sure, why not ask you mum's friend? (or has that been suggested already?) Or turn on stalker mode and go through his FB pics - maybe there are a few of him by a doorway? You could gauge it that way But yes, honesty is always the best policy so I'll join in on the suggestions of "just ask him"

I hope you'll tell us when you find out!

I know this can be a funny topic of disscusion, but it can happy to many! It*s a thing that is stressing me for sometime now ...
I saw his Facebook pictures (not many, because he doesn*t like to stay on facebook and says that*s a waste of time - he only visits his profile once a week!) and in some of them he looks taller and some shorter. So, I can*t figure out his real height .... I am just embarrased to ask him, out of the blue, about his height! But I am hoping he is at least 5`7, so the difference between my height and his won*t be all that noticeable!! I just won*t wear high heels when with him... But I just care about him, because we seem to have a lot in common and we have such beautiful conversations. And I discovered him to be a smart, intelligent, funny, happy, active, understanding, respectful and hard-working man! I wouldn*t want a physical trait (the surface) stand in the way of a meaningful relationship!!!!

[differentcountries]

It seems he is not shorter than you. Still, I think you should ask him his height, maybe mentioning that the fotball player got you curious about how tall he could be. If his height is a dealbreaker for you you are wasting each other's time until you know for sure.

Your other concern seems to be the power dynamics of your relationship. I cannot see any real examples of you "ruling" this relationship, but I get that you like hime to furfill your needs and at the same time not be a wimp. While you, on the other hand, want to have it all your way and still are afraid to ask simple questions. So maybe you should help each other to get to know each other a little better and then you will find out if your power dynamis suit you or not.