How will it end - 30+ and in love with somebody far far away...

[Cato]

I miss my boyfriend too, so that makes two of us ... plus he is such a passive/ considerate/ shy man due to past experiences... but I know is so hard!!!! Most times I feel so lonely and I become so jelous of people who are close distance ....

If I look at your distance I'm even jealous on you Really 110miles? Than I would try to see him every week

I'm still in a bad mood... He's on an important business meeting again, and just doesn't give me enough attention! And I know it's important for him and he's meeting a lot of important people, and I know we've got a terrible time difference, but I just want a hug, even though it's virtual... ;(
He's actually too busy to stay in real contact with. After 3 days he starts wondering how I am doing, but until that time, he just doesn't think of sending me something... And the stupid thing is that I accept, because I understand why and I'm proud that he's doing so well in his carreer...
But I now also feel I'm not OK with it, I don't want to be on the 2nd place behind work...
--> Seems there's trouble in paradise and we need some time talking...

[OperaDiva]

I'm just curious, since you seem to worry about the future of your relationship - have you talked to him about it? Do you both see it the same way, is he also worried about how his work is affecting you two, is he thinking about closing the distance, does he see this relationship continuing and progressing? I know it can be a difficult conversation to have, but I think it is necessary, especially if it affects you so much.

[alizee]

If I look at your distance I'm even jealous on you Really 110miles? Than I would try to see him every week

I'm still in a bad mood... He's on an important business meeting again, and just doesn't give me enough attention! And I know it's important for him and he's meeting a lot of important people, and I know we've got a terrible time difference, but I just want a hug, even though it's virtual... ;(
He's actually too busy to stay in real contact with. After 3 days he starts wondering how I am doing, but until that time, he just doesn't think of sending me something... And the stupid thing is that I accept, because I understand why and I'm proud that he's doing so well in his carreer...
But I now also feel I'm not OK with it, I don't want to be on the 2nd place behind work...
--> Seems there's trouble in paradise and we need some time talking...

I really understand you ... I do!!!! I know it*s hard not talking to your SO for 3 days, because I have become addicted to talking to him almost everyday, even though conversations aren*t always that interesting!!!

[Laural007]

I think if he's worth it you should take the chance and see where it may possibly lead instead of having the regret of "what if" later on in life.

[Cato]

I'm just curious, since you seem to worry about the future of your relationship - have you talked to him about it? Do you both see it the same way, is he also worried about how his work is affecting you two, is he thinking about closing the distance, does he see this relationship continuing and progressing? I know it can be a difficult conversation to have, but I think it is necessary, especially if it affects you so much.

We did, but not enough. At least that's what I'm realizing now. When I met him, he was seeing America as a temporary adventure, but now it seems more and more he wants to stay there. He sees the relationship continuing and progressing, but closing the distance is at least at this moment not an option. And I'm not scared of the distance, but I want a future goal together. Because my biggest dream is just wakening up in the same bed every morning.

The biggest problem is that I do understand him, so understand his choices, also proud on him that he get the chances, but I also want to be a priority, and at this time, his job is the most important thing...

[Cato]

I think if he's worth it you should take the chance and see where it may possibly lead instead of having the regret of "what if" later on in life.

You are absolutely right. I know I have to go to him and see him in his regular behaviour...

[alizee]

You are absolutely right. I know I have to go to him and see him in his regular behaviour...

That*s what I want too ... Good luck to you!!!

[OperaDiva]

When I met him, he was seeing America as a temporary adventure, but now it seems more and more he wants to stay there. He sees the relationship continuing and progressing, but closing the distance is at least at this moment not an option.

It seems to me he changed his mind quite a lot in a very short period. Make sure he is not going to change it again, and this time concerning you, and that you are on the same page.

I also want to be a priority, and at this time, his job is the most important thing...

Here I think you need to ask yourself, how long are you willing to wait to become a priority? If him moving back to Europe is important to you for this relationship to continue, tell him that and also ask yourself what kind of timeframe are you willing to work with. Good luck!

[Cato]

It seems to me he changed his mind quite a lot in a very short period. Make sure he is not going to change it again, and this time concerning you, and that you are on the same page.

I totally understand his choices (working in the same field), I would do the same in his position... When I met him he already started with a big change, this big change ended well, and his thoughts of staying there are not strange... So I can accept his decisions and maybe also adapt to them.

Here I think you need to ask yourself, how long are you willing to wait to become a priority? If him moving back to Europe is important to you for this relationship to continue, tell him that and also ask yourself what kind of timeframe are you willing to work with. Good luck!

For me the chances are better in Europe, for him the chances are little less in Europe and growing in America... Love requires compromises... but I don't want to end like a housewife... I have to find out what my chances are there... Can't be a housewife...

[OperaDiva]

If I were you I would definitely make sure I would make a move with a job offer, just in case it doesn't work out. Compromise is one thing, sacrifice is another. You need to protect yourself.

Also, if he just made the move and he is already decided he wants to stay, I would be extra careful. There is such a thing as the first stage of culture shock, where everything seems great and amazing, just before you crash and start hating everything.

[Cato]

I will make that sure, definitely. Like I said before, I'm not a housewife... Need a job to be happy.
Not only a matter of being wise.

And also agree on the second part. It will take at least 2 years before closing the distance is at least an option. So time will tell and a lot can happen.

Operadiva - I just checked your profile... We have something in common, and maybe you recognize my idea of understanding BF's choices.
PhDs... I'm a PhD student, BF a post-doc (with now chances...)

[OperaDiva]

oh god, the perils of inter-academic dating! https://www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamise...es-your-thesis (see point 9)

Joke aside, yes, I do understand. I just started my PhD and my SO is finishing up his, and he supported me 100% in my going to another country for this. We have agreed that it is vital for him to not give up all this hard work and that I would wait for him. It is also very important for both of us that both he and I are pursuing our dreams, so I am with you on that.

What worries me in your story is that it seems you are talking about making all the compromises (/sacrifices). I might be wrong, but I have seen many of my friends, including ones with real talents, give them up because they put the goals of their SOs above their own. And, sadly, that happened almost exclusively to the girls.

Be smart. Ask the questions. Protect your heart.

[Cato]

Haha, it's funny

What worries me in your story is that it seems you are talking about making all the compromises (/sacrifices). I might be wrong, but I have seen many of my friends, including ones with real talents, give them up because they put the goals of their SOs above their own. And, sadly, that happened almost exclusively to the girls.

I re-read some things, and I understand what you mean. But I don't think that will happen. As said before, I'm really going to be unhappy with my job, so there must be something which is at least "fine" for both of us... The problem is that I understand everything and want to support him, but I can't support him in everything, also have to support myself... But thanks for the worrying

[Cato]

Alizee, I tried to reply on your private message - but your mailbox is full... So cannot send something back to you...

[alizee]

Alizee, I tried to reply on your private message - but your mailbox is full... So cannot send something back to you...

Sorry, I emptied my inbox!!! It*s ok now, you can send your PM to me