My boyfriend's female best friend

[differentcountries]

You have to tell him before you meet. Clearly you are in a lot of pain already and if you see him without mentioning it first, it is going to explode.

You also feel guilty for snooping, which I think is right, however he fueled your suspicion and frustration by not being open about his relationship with this woman whatever it is. You wanted truth and clairity and snooped out of desperation. That doesn't excuse it but it explains the situation. If he cares about your wellbeing (and as your bf he should), he will forgive.

Can you forgive him, if he has a close friendship with this woman or even romantic feelings for her and did not come clean about the situation?

[janetb1968]

I have not said anything to him I want to see him first, the plane tickets are already bought and are non - refundable. Im not going to explode but I am going to speak to him I would rather do it in person not over the phone.

[Hollandia]

I have not said anything to him I want to see him first, the plane tickets are already bought and are non - refundable. Im not going to explode but I am going to speak to him I would rather do it in person not over the phone.

If this is what you need to do, by all means then you should. I hope it goes well for you, perhaps he will be willing to face what he did, apologize, agree to never do it again and then the two of you can move forward. I disagree with the snooping needing to be excused, sometimes you have a survival instinct that kicks in and thus you do what you need to do to protect yourself from farther harm. When someone does you wrong, I don't you should sit there and just take it because you are worried invading their privacy. I think by putting you in this situation he has lost that assumption of trust.

[janetb1968]

Thanks Hollandia I should have been a bit more clearer before my apologies. I will have to see how it all transpires we are going to talk anyway about our future and what we both want so I will have to mention about her and what he wants and what's been going on :-(. The thing is I think he loves us both but I've been cheated on before and he can't have his cake and eat it! If he wants to be with her or plan to be with her than I don't want to have anything to do with it. I am not back-up girl no2!