30+ Any "over 40?" members?

[ittybittypilot]

Good morning everyone! (or evening as the case my be )

I have been reading thru many posts, and it seems the majority of members are between 16-25. Not to discount anyone's relationship or emotional needs, but it's very difficult for me to relate to or offer advice to someone pining for someone else who is 4 hours away, who's never been divorced, never had to survive years on end alone...truly alone, who's suffered thru several heart wrenching breakups or managed a few LDRs (and lived to tell about it! LOL).

Any "over 40" friends out there? I'd love to share stories. I do believe those of us well into (and even past) mid-life and still struggling day to day for companionship....puts us in a very different "emotional boat". At my age, I would have like to have been (well, STAYED) married, have a house, my car paid off, a retirement fund started, a well-established relationship with a husband. Instead, I'm starting over again, for the FOURTH time, living in a cheap and not very nice rental, had to get another car payment, lost my savings, had to spend retirement account, and feeling the sting of rejection for the 4th time.


Thankfully, I found a man (over 40) who is in a very similar "emotional boat" as I, and we are "equally yoked" in many aspects of life, from religion to fundamental life needs/choices. Sadly, he's in South Africa and where he is, internet access is poor and sporatic, so I hear from him only briefly a few times a week...if I'm lucky. It's too expensive to call, Facetime won't work, and I'm left with a few texts a week to do my best to make him feel wanted, appreciated and happy. No easy feat. This is VERY stressful, but I have faith and hope and we made a promise.

So, with that said, I'd love to...almost NEED to...find more LDR friends going thru VERY tough times with their LDR. Strength in numbers, eh?

[Moon]

I'm over 40 I agree, I often have trouble relating to the issues of much younger relationships, the problems and challenges couldn't be more different. Not harder, or worse, just different.

Me - Twice divorced, but totally OK with that. Also lost my house in the last divorce, lived in a dumpy rental for awhile, but live in a beautiful rental now. I have a 25 year old daughter which, among other things, makes it nearly impossible for me to relocate to Finland, and he's the only child of an elderly mother, so he can't come here. That, and the fact that he pretty much hates the US, and everything we stand for So, we're in what I call, a "semi-permanent" LDR, but I'd rather have it this way than not at all. I try to stay pretty positive about things, we've been together 5 years, so I'm also pretty settled into this by now. We generally would see each other 2 - 3 times a year, but next month it'll be a year since I saw him, and it's absolutely causing some strain, especially on my end. I'm getting royally pissed off!

If you have any questions, feel free to ask. There are very few of us over 40's here, but I hope you get a few more responses to your thread!

[blankita719]

I'm getting closer as I'll be 36 in July. My SO is 45 and we've got more adult issues than most of the lovely members on the forums. Luckily, we're on the same coast, but it's still difficult to see each other and make as much time when we're both salaried full time workers and we have our sons to raise. And as much as I know I can't complain about the airline prices domestically v. internationally, it's still a struggle when you're a single parent. I lurk more than I post but always happy to share when there's a topic I can relate to

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

I'll venture a guess I am probably the oldest one here, way over 40!! I just turned 67 on the 21st, have been married, divorced, have children and grandchildren, have had a series of relationships, heart broken several times, etc. And now, after giving up in the 90's, found my SO online 4 years ago...but it is the most complicated relationship I've ever had, with 9300 miles, and him 15 hours ahead of me. To make it more complicated, he is in a not so happy marriage with children, the youngest in her teens. But, that hasn't stopped us, and we support each other, are with each other as much as possible, and are having a very loving, passionate and fun relationship. We don't have a clue when we will be able to meet, but we live with a motto he came up with: Just stay in the NOW with me, enjoy me now and what we have together. Don't worry about the future, whatever happens happens. And I wouldn't trade this experience or this terrific Aussie man I found, for anything in the world.

[ittybittypilot]

OMG I LOVE you all! Thanks so much for the supportive replies, the similar stories and hardships, and just joining me in the "misery loves company" thing. B-)

My boyfriend is also a pilot, he flies helicopters to off-shore oil rigs off the coast of Africa. We met MANY years ago thru mutual pilot friends, and he's recently divorced, and I'm recently broken up from a long-term LDR, so we agreed that since we've always supported each other emotionally, always wanted the same things in life, have similar interests in many things, and always (finally admitted) found each other attractive, we decided to try this. So he came here for a week and it was Heaven. He had to return to work, so we planned to use his 5 on/5 off (weeks, that is) schedule for visits to the states and stay with me. Sadly, within the first month, paperwork issues became a red-tape nightmare (typical Africa) and he was not able to come back for this 5 off....which turned into another 5...now with additional flight training...now looking like end of August...if we are lucky. We talked about me going there, but logisitcally won't work, so we agreed to save money and just sit this one out. I've been thru a 1 year separation, so a few more months is nothing.

I work 6-7 days a week, so I'm busy anyway. The time will FLY by! (insert HUGE optimistic grin)

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

Thanks for that, Moon, haven't known what to call our situation, but "semi-permanent" LDR seems to fit us to a T. And I'd much rather have what we have, than nothing at all.

[TaraMarie]

Another middle aged mom here...... Soon to be 50, with a 24 year old, 14 year old and 11 year old! In a LDR with a 40 year old HS friend of my youngest sibling! Very recently "officially divorced". He is also divorced, no children. We get to see each other every other weekend, but it's never enough! Welcome!

[lauthier]

Hi I totally relate to everyone on here . I am 48 years old , divorced for almost as long as I was married. Since my divorce have not had many relationships at all, just wasn't ready to fall in love again. But in December of 2013 by chance I came across my first love, my first everything, on Facebook. We are totally in love now, but circumstances are keeping us apart. I cry daily because I want so badly to be with him, he calls and texts almost daily, but I am really having a hard time dealing with the distance. I am more than willing to talk about it. If there is someone out there who wants to talk..

[Unicorn26]

Hi, I'm 41, separated with 2 children age 5 and 9. I'm in UK my SO in USA, he's my age and we met online 3 years ago. We were friends for a long time before anything developed, he was very respectful and it wasn't until several months after I finally had the courage to leave my marriage that things took a different path and we both realised that we were completely in love with each other. We have yet to meet in person, we was supposed to come over last year but he got very seriously ill and almost died. THAT was awful, we were in the early stages of our relationship then and I had no contacts for his family so didn't know what was going on, only that he'd completely disappeared! Anyway. He is on a long slow road of recovery and we are hoping he can come over within the next few months. We text everyday, FaceTime several times a week and I can honestly say I have never "met" anyone that I was so in tune with before.

Like everyone else in here I have good days and bad days, sometimes I ache for his presence so much it physically hurts. I cannot wait until he is here with me even if it is for only a week or so, the distance is rubbish and I hate the time zone too but I do believe that all these challenges will make us stronger. If we can get through this we can get through anything.

So you are not alone! There are some other oldies in here. I'm so glad there are others out there who understand the difficulties, frustrations and heartache that go with LDR. Peace and love!! ✌️❤️

[ittybittypilot]

I'm so sorry for everyone's pain and loneliness, but at the same time I am thankful for it, because so often it feels like I'm the only one! I know I'm not, but when everyone around you can live with or see their S.O. every day, and they COMPLAIN about it, I want to strangle them! Am right? You feel that way?

I'm really hoping and praying these will be the last few months I am alone. Then my BF can finally get back on schedule, and we can be together regularly again. He plans to move in with me and I can hardly believe it's true!!! I wish we could talk on the phone or FaceTime. I cannot get mine to work, and it's very frustrating. So we are limited to texting (iMessage) and emailing. I've not heard his voice since mid-March (and I miss that sexy South African accent...makes my heart melt).

[differentcountries]

when everyone around you can live with or see their S.O. every day, and they COMPLAIN about it, I want to strangle them! Am right? You feel that way?

Actually, I see it from both ways. I live with my husband, and also am apart from my boyfriend most of the time. What I can say is, it is perfectly natural to be jealous about it when someone have what you want, and they don't even seem to appreciate it like you think you would! That is very understandable. At the same time, even though you would die to be with your loved one, long distance do spare one of the more mundane parts of life, like doing the launtry and paying bills, which people usually don't think is very fun or romantic to to together, and it can be hard to remember this when you long for your loved one. It may even seem offensive to even think anything related to our SO can ever be dull or unpleasant. BTW, I am 34, once divorced, owned a flat, managed to keep the flat during the divorce and live there with my new husband now. Renting another flat with my boyfriend in his country. Economy is tight due not to break-ups but illness, I am just starting to work again after several years on benifits, I was very sick and getting well took all my money and put me into debt. I do get the envious feelings you have, though for me it is more related to having children. Me and my husband were in the process of starting to try when I suddenly got sick. All my friends and relatives my age are on their 2nd or 3rd kid, even the ones who don't wanted or even like children get pregnant. But even with my age I have to postphone it further because of work. So I do get the envy. But try to work with it, because it will distroy you if you don't. Try, when you can, to be happy for those who are fortunate to have what you want, and even are secure enough in what they have to at times complain and take it for granted. Hopefully, one day we can all take good things for granted. That is my wish.

[Katherine]

Hello Everyone! I was happy to see this post. Maybe we should create a category just for those over 40 or over 50 or something like that. I too am over 40, more like over 50. LOL!!!!

I have been in love with a man for over 30 years. We met in college. I dated other men and even lived with someone else, but my heart still belonged to my current SO. Unfortunately he got married to someone else after college due to a night of fun and her getting pregnant. The two of us remained in touch and I know it's bad but we even met on occasion. Now he is divorced and all the children grown. I have a daughter as well as she is grown. We both feel that now it is time for us. We've waited long enough to be together. Unfortunately time goes on. We both have jobs and his is less flexible than mine. He is the CEO of a small organization and travels often. I was laid off last year and got another job paying substantially less than was making prior to being laid off. It is a job that in my mind just pays the bills. I'd gladly find a job near him but it is tough when you are older and have a house to get rid of.

Today he told me that "We need to talk about this missing each other thing!" I am trying to work with my current employer to allow me to work from home more. My job lends itself to doing that. So far I have approval for three days a week. My plan is to spend one or two time a month with him during those work from home periods. My dilemma is whether or not I should let my employer know I am doing that for fear they'd take the privilege away. I just want to spend more time with him and I am trying to figure out how to make that happen.

A side note...he is concerned about Uncle Sam taking him to the cleaners this year. So he has been looking at houses to purchase for a write off. Not that I want to be thought of in this way, but if we are married, how does that affect his taxes? I've also even contemplated allowing him to be part owner of my house and renting it out. All just thoughts. As you can see I am looking for solutions...

[Benni]

63 here and recently married to my LD SO. Was divorced twice, have 2 daughters with kids of their own.

Was alone for 15 years and could care less if I ever had another man in my life. Then B stumbled onto me online, we dated and visited for 2 years. Got married this past April.

It's been an interesting experience and one that I've VERY glad to have!

[haribo0603]

I didn't know there are many members of over 40's. This thread encourages me! I am 52, divorced, and no children. Our relationship is sometimes weak, sometimes goes well. I have no particular plan to move to my SO's country now because of my work. Sometimes I wonder how I should do about our relationship and my future. So I am very glad to share feelings with others here.

[farandaway]

I'm 43 and my SO 46 yrs old. I have two kids from my previous marriage and he has no biological kids. I feel very sad when it looks like time is running too fast and we won't get a chance to start a family any more. I know it's not smart to even think about that since if we can close the distance we need to learn to know each other inside out and get all of the practical stuff taken care of first (he is most likely moving to Finland and that won't be easy). It will be too soon to think about kids but I don't have any years to wait. I think about this a lot and he says he would love to have a child with me but he will be just as happy if it's not meant to be. We don't really talk about it much, I mention it in my letters when I miss him and I know he reads it but doesn't reply. We really cannot help the situation right now since he is not ready to move here yet.

We have loved each other for over two years and so much has happened during this time. I have divorced and he is about to. It has been incredibly hard but I hope to see the light at the end of the tunnel soon.

It's good to have you guys around since a lot of times it's hard to relate to someone 20 years younger.