Do you want to close the distance faster because of age?

[OperaDiva]

I'm not saying it's good or healthy, but often it's reality. And this applies to many other important things one or the other will have to compromise on.

I agree with you on some of that. We do have to compromise and negotiate in a relationship, but when it comes to core values, like your vision of a family, I don't think that 't is a sign of a healthy relationship or a healthy self-awareness and self-esteem to give those up. I don't think it is wrong that some people do not want kids, I have a very good friend who is child free and she is awesome, loving and accomplished (married too). But if you want kids and your partner doesn't, especially if you are past your mid-twenties, than there is a serious disharmony in your core values. It is one thing to compromise on whether you live in a house or in an apartment, and it is another to give up the desire to create and nurture a new life.

[farandaway]

I think I wanted to write this here (posted on 40+ thread)

I'm 43 and my SO 46 yrs old. I have two kids from my previous marriage and he has no biological kids. I feel very sad when it looks like time is running too fast and we won't get a chance to start a family any more. I know it's not smart to even think about that since if we can close the distance we need to learn to know each other inside out and get all of the practical stuff taken care of first (he is most likely moving to Finland and that won't be easy). It will be too soon to think about kids but I don't have any years to wait. I think about this a lot and he says he would love to have a child with me but he will be just as happy if it's not meant to be. We don't really talk about it much, I mention it in my letters when I miss him and I know he reads it but doesn't reply. We really cannot help the situation right now since he is not ready to move here yet.

This is where I think it's not fair for women. My ex (47) is marrying a woman (33) and they have plenty of years to start a family but my time is up soon. That makes me want to rush being together but there is not much I can do than wait. My life is in order but his isn't.

[differentcountries]

Well, you should consider the fact that chances of conception decline somewhat after 35, and even perfectly healthy people sometimes have trouble getting pregnant. Talking about it and planning it in your head doesn't mean that it will happen the way you imagine it.

I am 34 and also on UID. I am very aware of the 35 "rule", it is just that I know I can't get pregnant in at least two years time. I have no steady job - I am hired part time for a year as of August, which will probably be a steady job from next year. It is a new position, which means I "break in" everything at the moment. I have yet to finish my project to have a chance of restarting my career. I have lots of student loan and debts from being sick (and LD)... I can barely support myself at the moment, it is just not possable to have a baby now even if I would love to. My mother had her last child at 38, perfectly healty, apart from one miscarrigde (before I was born) she always had very healthy pregnancies despite not starting to have children before she was 29. I am hoping I have her stamina in all of this. I prepare for the best outcome; I work out, I eat healthy, I try to sort out my economy...and also there is a new relationship, a little short of a year old, which is really too fresh to seriously discuss kids. The medical facts are important, but there is life as well. Originally I was going to have a kid with my ex at 23, but we got divorced instead.