30+ Do your friends get tired of hearing you talk positively about your reationship?

[Petals]

Hi all,

I am not really looking for advice, but I guess to learn about other people's experiences.

Do your friends ever get tired of hearing about you talk positively about your partner or relationship?

My relationship is going well and I can't help being happy or talking positively about my SO. I am not showing off or putting on; he's a genuinely great guy who treats me well. My small circle of friends is not in a good place right now and I commiserate with them a lot. For awhile I was dealing with similar issues and they never got tired of my complaining because I guess we were all experiencing similar struggles.

Now...my life is finally getting back on track and I am in a healthy relationship, but they don't seem that interested. I know it's difficult to cheer someone on constantly when your life sucks but come on! They know I have gone through hell! I deserve some happiness and I shouldn't have to constantly sensor myself when I talk to them now because I no longer have drama.

I moved away from home, so I only talk to these close friends via fb, whatsapp. In my current location, I have associates but I am not close to anyone, so I do not talk about my personal business with with these people.


sigh...I feel lonely and hurt.

Do you ever experience this?

[differentcountries]

Sometimes it is easier to bond over misery. I never talk about the happiness of my relationships to unhappy people, it easily comes out as bragging. Single people generally don't like to hear about happy relationships and all what they are missing out of.

[Petals]

Sometimes it is easier to bond over misery. I never talk about the happiness of my relationships to unhappy people, it easily comes out as bragging. Single people generally don't like to hear about happy relationships and all what they are missing out of.

I understand what you are saying, but I have no other really close friends lol. It's hard for me to not talk about my relationship especially when they ask. Then because I no longer have drama their response to my happy news is lukewarm, or if I ask their advice on a matter, they barelyrespond because my problems are nothing to get so stressed over.

Also, we are in our 30s and I truly believe that by now we should be able to put petty issues like jealousy aside. C'mon, we know now that everyone goes through their own struggles so jealousy is pointless. They have seen my very short marriage unravel, they have seen me go through deep depression... be freaking happy for me now!

I am seriously considering not even talking to them anymore. I am not going to be a sounding board for all their problems, then when I need advice they are not interested because my problems are miniscule to theirs. I wouldn't treat them this way and it is very hurtful!

[snow]

I wouldn't say it is jealousy, I think it is just hard to be happy for someone selflessly when you are unhappy. It takes a lot of effort. I think them asking about your relationship should be a sign that they are happy for you. Maybe they can't express it in a better way.

I remember when I started dating my fiance. I wanted to tell the world that I was the happiest woman in the world (still am!), but everyone had their own problems and didn't care, so I was looking for a place where I could talk about the little things he does that make me smile and I have found this forum. Ever since then I am much more relaxed when they don't indulge in the same happiness. I can post here in a multitude of posts that he makes me happy and won't press it on my desperate, single guy friends :P

All I'm trying to say is, appreciate that they give you a response. They might just not be able to give you more. We are here for you!

[lyonsgirl]

If all you can ever talk about is how great your SO is - yes, I can see how your friends would tire of hearing about him. Not that they're not happy for you, but you still have a life outside of him. (I've been on both sides of this.) CD or LD, talking only about your SO - whether it's a new relationship or one that's been going on for years - gets tiring after a while. It's like any other topic, who really wants to listen to someone who can only talk about one thing? Change it up a little. I know you want to tell everyone how great things are with him - and by all means, bring him up once in a while or be straightforward and say, "I have to tell you about this thing my SO did." But then change the topic. Ask how your friend is doing, what's going on with them.

[Petals]

I wouldn't say it is jealousy, I think it is just hard to be happy for someone selflessly when you are unhappy. It takes a lot of effort. I think them asking about your relationship should be a sign that they are happy for you. Maybe they can't express it in a better way.

I remember when I started dating my fiance. I wanted to tell the world that I was the happiest woman in the world (still am!), but everyone had their own problems and didn't care, so I was looking for a place where I could talk about the little things he does that make me smile and I have found this forum. Ever since then I am much more relaxed when they don't indulge in the same happiness. I can post here in a multitude of posts that he makes me happy and won't press it on my desperate, single guy friends :P

All I'm trying to say is, appreciate that they give you a response. They might just not be able to give you more. We are here for you!

I see your point!

It's just so hurtful when I am encouraging my SO to agree for us to get married in my country (which will be very costly) for the sake of my close friends when I can't even share a wedding location with them and get an excited response. It's a response like " oh that one is ok" hours after sending a text. These girls are like my family. My mom & dad passed away and I am not close to my half siblings.

Once I move to be with my SO, I will be moving even further away from them and it feels like they are preparing to live without me already. I really miss our daily messages and I feel really hurt.

[Petals]

If all you can ever talk about is how great your SO is - yes, I can see how your friends would tire of hearing about him. Not that they're not happy for you, but you still have a life outside of him. (I've been on both sides of this.) CD or LD, talking only about your SO - whether it's a new relationship or one that's been going on for years - gets tiring after a while. It's like any other topic, who really wants to listen to someone who can only talk about one thing? Change it up a little. I know you want to tell everyone how great things are with him - and by all means, bring him up once in a while or be straightforward and say, "I have to tell you about this thing my SO did." But then change the topic. Ask how your friend is doing, what's going on with them.

This is not the case at all.

I talk about other things, but right now my SO and I are making decisions that are important and I would like their input.

In addition, they will ASK how things are but after giving my answer their response will be blah... We used to talk everyday via text, these girls are like my family.

I have always been there for them and they were very supportive when I have gone through tough time....we were all going through tough times. Now, my life has improved and I just want a bit more support from them. I don't think I am asking too much...I would have been extremely happy for them and their happiness would boosts me.

It's just important to me that I get input from people who really know me and not just anyone. I am a very eccentric person, so the one size fits all advice doesn't really works for me and sometimes I need others to reign me in... I guess like right now...I am probably being overly emotional.

[OperaDiva]

I think I have actually been in the position that your friends find themselves - going through a rough time when everybody around me has a good run. I had problems with my health, I was single and unemployed vs they were healthy, getting married and their careers were taking of. I needed support and all they wanted to talk about was the great things that were happening to them (I am not saying that this is you, but this is what it felt like for me). I was miserable and had nothing to say, I just didn't have the capacity to feel happy for them. We grew apart during that time.

I don't know if this is the case for you and your friends, but I would have loved for my friends to be a little more patient with me. To ask me about my problems, to commiserate, to invite me to come and be there, but to understand that I couldn't be as happy as they were. Actually the one friend that went out of her way to be there for me, and to understand that I couldn't be as happy as her, is the only one that I still call a friend today

[Petals]

To be honest, it's not just about my relationship that their response is lukewarm.

Since I moved away my life has improved dramatically in every area. I am making much more money than before, my job is not as stressful (we all work in same industry) and in general I am happier. Once I got settled in my new location their response to my life events changed. I dealt with that, but it's more pronounced regarding my relationship. When I was meeting my SO for the first time, they shared in my anxiety etc, but now that things have settled and I don't have the anxieties regarding my relationship they don't seem interested.

[Petals]

I think I have actually been in the position that your friends find themselves - going through a rough time when everybody around me has a good run. I had problems with my health, I was single and unemployed vs they were healthy, getting married and their careers were taking of. I needed support and all they wanted to talk about was the great things that were happening to them (I am not saying that this is you, but this is what it felt like for me). I was miserable and had nothing to say, I just didn't have the capacity to feel happy for them. We grew apart during that time.

I don't know if this is the case for you and your friends, but I would have loved for my friends to be a little more patient with me. To ask me about my problems, to commiserate, to invite me to come and be there, but to understand that I couldn't be as happy as they were. Actually the one friend that went out of her way to be there for me, and to understand that I couldn't be as happy as her, is the only one that I still call a friend today

Thanks for sharing your experience. I have continued to help them in every way possible. I even sent one of them money last week because she was in a tight spot. Being selfless is one of my biggest strengths and can even be my weakness. I don't get close to people easily but the people I allow close are extremely important to me... that's why this hurt so much. I have known these ladies a long time and even though I will never live in the same country with them again, I want to believe we can be close across the distance. They know me better than anyone else; they're part of my history.

[Anoulie]

Looks like you're both equally wrong (right?) here, to me.

Try to see it from their point of view: You were all pretty miserable together, then they watched you get better while things still stayed not-that-great for them. Of course they're going to be jealous, or at least sad that they don't have what you have. It may be selfish, but it's only natural. And when you talk positively about your SO, your job etc., it may feel to them like you're "rubbing it in", even if you have no intention of doing that.

They're in the wrong, too, of course, and it would be great if they could respond more positively to your happy news, but as it is, you can only change your own behaviour. So, considering your own relationship/life is going pretty well right now, why don't you try focusing more on your friends and their struggles? I don't mean you should try to solve their problems for them, but just listening to their issues and the like should help. It would also show them that you still care about them despite your moving away and generally getting better. (You do, right?)

Whoops, you weren't really asking for advice, were you? Feel free to ignore the above.
So to answer your original question, no, my friends don't really get tired of me talking about my SO (although I feel awkward talking about him sometimes, since they don't really know him). Around my single friends, I try to avoid talking too much about him -- I remember how it felt to have seemingly all your friends in super happy, adorable relationships while I felt "forever alone". And when I do, it's generally just facts, the outside stuff, like the plans we made for this visit or things he has going on at his job. I guess I don't talk about my feelings with other people that much... And honestly, when I want to gush about how happy I am to be with my SO, how excited I am to see him again etc. (that happens a lot), then I just tell my SO that. Giving my friends a monologue about how happy I am would just feel like oversharing to me. And I wouldn't want them to be unhappy or jealous.
I usually really like talking about myself (ask anyone who knows me ) but with this stuff I try to hold back, even if people ask. I guess that'll change once he moves here and my local friends get to know him as well. Then I'll feel more comfortable talking about him.

... that was a lot of words. So much for enjoying talking about myself

[OperaDiva]

Friendships change. I don't know if that is a positive or a negative thing, but it is what it is, and you cannot force it. I've lived in a few countries and traveled to a few more and I always meet nice people, and before I or they leave we always say we will keep in touch. Sometimes we can, sometimes we can't. Sometimes we try for a while and it doesn't work because our lives are too different. Sometimes we don't talk for months or years and then we get together and it is like we were never apart. You have to be patient (I hate saying that because it means I have to be patient ) and maybe they will get it eventually. The good news is that you will meet new people and make new friends, expats, and I don't mean to be modest, but we are a great bunch

[Petals]

Looks like you're both equally wrong (right?) here, to me.

Try to see it from their point of view: You were all pretty miserable together, then they watched you get better while things still stayed not-that-great for them. Of course they're going to be jealous, or at least sad that they don't have what you have. It may be selfish, but it's only natural. And when you talk positively about your SO, your job etc., it may feel to them like you're "rubbing it in", even if you have no intention of doing that.

They're in the wrong, too, of course, and it would be great if they could respond more positively to your happy news, but as it is, you can only change your own behaviour. So, considering your own relationship/life is going pretty well right now, why don't you try focusing more on your friends and their struggles? I don't mean you should try to solve their problems for them, but just listening to their issues and the like should help. It would also show them that you still care about them despite your moving away and generally getting better. (You do, right?)

Whoops, you weren't really asking for advice, were you? Feel free to ignore the above.
So to answer your original question, no, my friends don't really get tired of me talking about my SO (although I feel awkward talking about him sometimes, since they don't really know him). Around my single friends, I try to avoid talking too much about him -- I remember how it felt to have seemingly all your friends in super happy, adorable relationships while I felt "forever alone". And when I do, it's generally just facts, the outside stuff, like the plans we made for this visit or things he has going on at his job. I guess I don't talk about my feelings with other people that much... And honestly, when I want to gush about how happy I am to be with my SO, how excited I am to see him again etc. (that happens a lot), then I just tell my SO that. Giving my friends a monologue about how happy I am would just feel like oversharing to me. And I wouldn't want them to be unhappy or jealous.
I usually really like talking about myself (ask anyone who knows me ) but with this stuff I try to hold back, even if people ask. I guess that'll change once he moves here and my local friends get to know him as well. Then I'll feel more comfortable talking about him.

... that was a lot of words. So much for enjoying talking about myself

Thanks for sharing I guess I am not really asking for advice because deep down I know what I really need to do lol.

I have been extremely accommodating with their problems...I can't accommodate them anymore.

I know I need to make new friends, because my relationship with them will never be the same. It's the age old problem I have had of having a small circle of close friends...I need to be more open to new friendships. I will be moving in 2 years again and I will need to make new friends in that country. It's just hard because these ladies are like my family.

I have since decided to accept what is...I won't push to maintain the same level of closeness if they aren't making the effort. The texts have reduced because I am not reaching out as much as I used to... I noticed I was overextending my self. They will reach out now, weekly. The degree of response is not the same for these 4 ladies, but they have all been lukewarm.

I just feel so hurt, but I will get over it.

I feel alone...no family and losing my close friends. I miss my mom more than ever right now.

[Petals]

Friendships change. I don't know if that is a positive or a negative thing, but it is what it is, and you cannot force it. I've lived in a few countries and traveled to a few more and I always meet nice people, and before I or they leave we always say we will keep in touch. Sometimes we can, sometimes we can't. Sometimes we try for a while and it doesn't work because our lives are too different. Sometimes we don't talk for months or years and then we get together and it is like we were never apart. You have to be patient (I hate saying that because it means I have to be patient ) and maybe they will get it eventually. The good news is that you will meet new people and make new friends, expats, and I don't mean to be modest, but we are a great bunch

Thank you

I will try to be more open to new people. I just don't trust people easily and it takes a very long time for me to get close to people; especially women.

[lyonsgirl]

I totally missed the part where you moved away from them - sorry about that. Yes, friendships change. You can promise that you'll talk every day and stay in touch and be besties forever, but the fact is, lives change when you're not around each other like you used to be. Definitely work on meeting new people - not that you have to open up to them about your personal life immediately, but it's good to have new people in your life, especially if you're in a new place.