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    30+ I need help

    My s.o. and I have been together for 11 months tomorrow. When we see each other (about once per month) there is nothing better. We harmonize.

    Here's my issue:

    The last couple of times I've brought up the fact that I miss her she has gotten mad and pulled away. She feels I am pushing to close the gap, even though we both talk about it as if it were a done deal. We went from the greatest expressions of love and enthusiasm to what feels to me like a muted agreement to stay together. In her defense she has started a new job and has two kids she is raising. She still talks about our future and the things we are planning to do together, but her enthusiasm is down. I still have the rush of passion but I feel like I can't express it or she will see me as codependent and needy. At this point I am finding joy in other things about my life and I have a lot to look forward and enjoy. This feels like a phase and she is a very honest person so I believe she would tell me if she was having second thoughts.

    She has said she's worried that she will never fulfill my needs which is odd because when she tries she does a great job. It confuses me and gets me wondering whether she's right.

    Anyone else been through this and what advice do you have if so.

    We are both over 40 so the game of love isn't new. We have (or had) an incredible connection and I'd like to bring it back if possible.

    #2
    A new job can bring out all sorts of insecurity issues and worries about the future. She is probably also very tired and still has to take care of her kids. It is probably not the best time to talk about a future that right now may seem very far away. I can relate to being worried that I will not fill my boyfriend's needs (last guy was in love with me but I felt I couldnt make him happy). I didn't think that when I express those worries it might confuse him, so thanks for pointing my attention to it. Let her have some weeks at new job, then mention to her that you would like to have a date night to talk like before.
    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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      #3
      When I told my SO I missed him he was upset because it put him under pressure to try and see me more often despite working long shifts weekends and having three children too. So now I just tell him how much I want him and look forward to our next visit.

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        #4
        Give her time to settle into her new job

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          #5
          Originally posted by Redheart14 View Post
          Give her time to settle into her new job
          I agree,just give her some time to settle into her new job,I'm sure she will come around when she's ready.

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