A little too friendly with their exes?

[Darth_Taco]

First, do not propose to her. The worst thing you can do when you're having problems in your relationship is take it a step further into something like engagement, marriage, kids, ect. It will just magnify all the problems you're already having and likely create more. Think about it, you're already uncomfortable with her behavior as her girlfriend, how would you feel as her finacee? (ignore my lack of accent marks, google chrome spell check doesn't have them)

Now, everyone has already told you about how snooping is wrong so I won't give my opinion on it (it's the same thing anyway). What I will say is you need to fess up that you keep doing it. Tell her to change her passwords to whatever you have passwords to. You obviously don't do well when the temptation is there so it's best to just take the access away. After that, wait until she calms down before you mention what you saw in the message. Just relax, and be completely honest. Have you told her the reason you have trust issues? If she gets defensive, you can't really blame her for it. You stated you guys already have a history of lack of trust. Just explain yourself, and then let her explain herself. Don't just hear each other, listen to each other.

If you feel like you absolutely cannot trust her, can't handle not having access to her facebook, or anything similar then it would be best to break it off for a while. You have a lot of trust issues to work on and really shouldn't be in any relationship until you learn how to trust again. I know what I'm talking about here. There's a reason I went two years single before Enrique. I had to work on all my issues before I was ready to try anything with anyone. Only one I couldn't do on my own was the drugs, but that a completely different category of issues that hopefully doesn't apply to you.

[Andy]

While I agree with Rugger about the snooping (I've mentioned before I hate Facebook because it creates this drama) the fact you didn't trust her and needed to make sure she wasn't just being overly friendly probably fueled that. But like Rugger said, again, the trust needs to be worked on ASAP for you guys to last and not have you become 'the crazy ex' or whatnot.

To me, personally, it sounds like she isn't aware she naturally flirts/is too friendly with some people.

But if she can't cut that out for you both or at least tone it down, you may have to face the music of being an ex for your own sanity.

I agree with this. It does sound like this is the case, although I also agree with Moon about using pet names with exes, you just don't do that.

The whole snooping thing has been covered but I want to say one thing - you admit you're a jealous person and it's clear you have trust issues, but you seem to make things worse for yourself by checking her Facebook and texts. If, as LMH says, she is just unaware how much she flirts with others, then you might be reading a hell of a lot more into any messages you read than you should be doing. The sooner you can stop the better, even if it might feel like the not knowing will kill you. I think the thinking you know, but in fact are making something out of nothing will not only drive you crazy, but could end up being very harmful indeed to your relationship.

Can you not have a once and for all clear-the-air talk with her about exes and all your worries and concerns?

[loveonspeedial]

Andy; we have and I mean she says they're just friends now. I mean friends call me babe/baby doll and stuff but I dont know it just rubs me the wrong way. I worry so much. I haven't checked her Facebook since I posted this.

[Jade_Crystal]

You don't trust her, and for good reason. But it's also wrong to be in a relationship with someone you don't even trust with her phone calls and her exes. I suggest you either try fixing this straight out, in an honest, blunt elaborate discussion or ending it as fast as possible. I'm sorry, but I find being in a relationship with someone you constantly have to check the messages and phone of can only have one possible outcome, and it's not the good one. Try to be mature about it if you want to be happy and not just bathe in drama. Better yet, find someone more mature and contained altogether. People should really learn from this without slamming their heads against the wall... especially when the obvious is right under your nose. Either you learn to communicate and be each other's partner especially with your history, or you break up. LDRs are built upon and survive only with a lot of trust, more so than one IRL. If you don't have that you're just wasting time. And on top of everything else, immature children shouldn't be marrying. That's the last thing on earth they should be doing when everything else is obviously a mess.

[Tooki]

You don't trust her, and for good reason. But it's also wrong to be in a relationship with someone you don't even trust with her phone calls and her exes. I suggest you either try fixing this straight out, in an honest, blunt elaborate discussion or ending it as fast as possible. I'm sorry, but I find being in a relationship with someone you constantly have to check the messages and phone of can only have one possible outcome, and it's not the good one. Try to be mature about it if you want to be happy and not just bathe in drama. Better yet, find someone more mature and contained altogether. People should really learn from this without slamming their heads against the wall... especially when the obvious is right under your nose. Either you learn to communicate and be each other's partner especially with your history, or you break up. LDRs are built upon and survive only with a lot of trust, more so than one IRL. If you don't have that you're just wasting time. And on top of everything else, immature children shouldn't be marrying. That's the last thing on earth they should be doing when everything else is obviously a mess.

I'm sure that you mean well but this thread is over 2 years old...