Cry for help! I found loads of sex videos on my bf's pc including mine!!

[underthewater]

HELP!!

I feel so helpless now!!

I just wanted to watch some Family Guy on my boyfriend's laptop but under video I found about 20 long videos, it turned out to be sex videos he took himself with him and many other women!!

The thing is, we met in early February, the one before was 2 days before we first met (we talked online before for like a month), he had oral sex with that girl who obviously didn't know this. Then it's the first time I went to his house, we just lightly made out that day, no flesh revealed actually. He asked me that night to be exclusive because "I don't want to come back and see you going out with other guys." I agreed. The day after he went to Europe for one week, right after that, from the end of February he had a 3 weeks trip to Hong Kong and Japan from the UK and the rest of the videos were him having sex in his hotel room with 4-5 women (not at the same time), some came for one night, some came for 3-4 nights.

We didn't have sex till mid April and there's no sex videos that I can find now after his trip to Japan. I asked him to do an STI test before and that's what he did.

Now I'm sitting in his living room don't know what to do...he's at work and I wonder if I should just pack and go, or I should wait and talk to him tonight at least. Obviously he cheated at the beginning of the relationship and took video of me when I didn't know. And I can't tell if he took more videos of us...he just revealed his dark past to me a few days ago and said he'd never cheat on me even we're in a long distance relationship.

What should I do?? I don't know why but in a way I feel that he might have changed since we got together and became more and more serious. The only thing I know is that he slept with prostitutes (or say "casual encounters") when he was in a business trip in Asia one month after we first met...PLEASE HELP!

[folclor]

oh...that's not a good sign... I don't know what you 'should' do, but I know what I would do. In that situation I'd tell him I'd found it and I'd break up with him, then leave... =/ *offers virtual hugs* that's not a good thing at all. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.

[5000miles]

Wow... The bottom line is he cheated. And lied. If he hadn't asked you to "be exclusive", then it might be different, but he asked you to not be with anyone else and then he went and was with several other women. And the videos... that's... to each their own, I suppose, but I personally think that's messed up to take videos of women without their knowing. If someone had recorded me without me knowing (not including the cheating with other women, just doing the video without me knowing) it would be cause for break-up. But that's just my opinion.

You have to be the one to make the decision. No one can tell you what you should do. You need to decide if this is forgivable. All we can really do here is support you and give our opinions. I truly wish you the best of luck and I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. *hugs*

[Bluestars]

Reading your other posts, I tried to give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt over the red signs your boyfriend giving off. However, this pretty much makes me think that your boyfriend is trouble and that you need to get away from him as soon as possible. And I am pretty sure he did something illegal (at least in the US) by taping you without your permission.....

If I were you, I would probably just walk out, leave him a note, and be on the next plane back home. Whether or not you decide to talk to him first is your choice, but I would be afraid he would come up with some excuses to make you justify what he did, which there is not any justification imo. Whatever you do is your choice, but that is my take on it.

I am so sorry that this happened to you, and best of luck figuring everything out. *Hugs* Keep us updated and be safe.

[Thad]

Also having read your other posts, I think this is the last straw. He's definitely bad news. Get out while you can. I don't think he deserves the right to even explain himself. I mean if it were one woman perhaps thats one thing, but several different women on several different occasions clearly shows he knew exactly what he was doing and can't be trusted.

That being said, I'm sorry you had to go through this. Remember, there are other much more honorable men in the world.

[Rach321]

The fact that he taped you without your knowledge is, in my mind, VERY VERY wrong. If someone I cared for did this to me AND had videos of other women as well, it would most definitely be grounds for me to end the relationship immediately, even if I really loved him.

The fact that this isn't the first time you've had your doubts about him is an especially bad sign. Your intuition has been warning you about this guy for a while now, so be sure to continue to listen to that...

[Moon]

I've read your other posts, and I've said this guy is trouble. The fact that he cheated is bad enough, but HE VIDEOTAPED YOU WITHOUT YOUR KNOWLEDGE OR CONSENT!!!! Regardless if you believe "he's more serious now", making a sex tape of you without your knowledge is despicable, deceitful, unforgivable, immoral and shows you everything you need to know about him. Again, this is a man in his 30's, not a kid!! Get out, get out now, and never go back. First, delete his "collection", then leave without another word, as he's obviously very good at manipulating you. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but you haven't listened to anyone before when they told you this guys sounds like he's no good. Now you know. Listen, there IS NO EXCUSE for what he did, no matter what bullshit reason he's gonna give you, you're better off just going, a talk will only give him a chance to manipulate you further. Delete that video (possibly save a copy in case you need it as evidence), and cut all contact. Don't wait, do it right now.

[Michelle]

Oh wow. I read your other post where you were concerned about his subscription to "World Friends" that costs $100/month. There's really no question what that is about now.

I agree with everyone else. I would leave. I wouldn't even give him a chance to make excuses. I agree with Moon, delete his collection and save the file of yourself just in case you need it. It's illegal in the United States, and I am sure that there are similar laws in the UK.

I am so sorry you're having to go through this. Especially after what must have been an expensive trip all the way to Hong Kong.

[greeneyes]

Oh wow! You deserve better. Say goodbye. (((HUGS)))

[Luisina]

I've read other threads of yours and they always deal with some kind of problem, doubt or bad news.. this is really not how a relationship should be you don't deserve this!
I completely agree with the others - that guy is BAD NEWS. Get out! He shouldn't even get a chance to explain, what you found on his computer surely speaks for itself! You've given him plenty of chances.. imo more than he deserved..

I'm so sorry that you had to go through this! *hugs*

[Andy]

This is awful

You've had some good advice here about how to deal with the clips but like Michelle said, I wouldn't even give him a chance to explain himself. It's unforgivable what he's done here, not to mention everything else you've gone through with him. He's bad news and the sooner he's out of your life the better in my opinion. I'm so sorry.

[mllebamako]

Oh wow. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Just know that we are all here to support you and know that you deserve so much better than this. It is unacceptable what he has done.
I agree with Moon, make copies of the videos, then delete all of them and get out of there. Go to a hotel or something until you can make it home. He is a manipulator and he will try to convince you to stay if you give him the chance. This explains all the other things you were worried about: that website, the condoms, etc.
I hope you find the strength to leave even though it's heartbreaking.

[Karringtyn]

Final straw.
This explains so much. Get out of this dysfunctional relationship hon...........

[JoMarie]

Wow...I agree just go. No chance to explain or anything else.

[squiddie]

Dump this guy's pathetic butt. You deserve much much better.

Honestly, nothing about this guy is telling me he's worthy of keeping. He's been alluding to cheating on you since he left for Hong Kong, and now we find out that he asked you to be exclusive, but apparently that only counted for you, not him. The long and short of it is that he cheated. Multiple times. With multiple women. Clearly he feels no remorse for the acts, hence the fact that he videotaped them, and presumably uses those videos for self-gratification.

If you can manage to save a copy of the files, I would do it. You don't have to watch them, but you'll have tangible proof that he videotaped you without your consent. I think it's fair to assume that the other women he taped sleeping with him and, ahem, servicing him, probably didn't know about it either.

Do you have family or friends in or near Hong Kong that you can get in touch with? Because you need to get out of this situation immediately. If not, hop on the next flight back to the UK. I'm sure someone in your family will be willing to help out with the cost, given the situation.